Hi all, sorry in advance for the long post. I just wanted some thoughts on a strange occurrence I had at work today.
I’m a supply teacher. I returned to one of my long-term schools today to find that an agency TA has been covering a member of staff in my usual class. He seemed nice enough- at first that is. After the class teacher (who I was covering) left, he asked me several questions, including whether if I was usually in this class, am I on agency, how do I find that etc. I didn’t really think anything of it- these aren’t unusual questions in a school amongst agency staff etc.
However throughout the day he began to make unnecessary digs and rude comments towards me, that nobody else noticed. It started before break time when another staff member told him that the students’ snack list is stuck to the cupboard as she had to leave the class. Seeing that we were short staffed, I asked him if he wanted help preparing the snacks (this is normally the TA’s role but I’ve always offered to help if I’m not busy). He answered ‘Er, yeah?’ As if somehow in his head it was a no brainer and that it’s part of my role to help him. It isn’t and I was just being nice- which completely not only went over his head, but HE was rude when I offered him help- who does that? At the kitchenette area, since he was prepping stuff, I asked him who was having what. He proceeded to point to the list above the cupboard (that he had only just been told about himself) and said ‘the list is here- do you see it?’ When he did this, I got a very uneasy feeling. What was I supposed to reply to that? I could’ve made a sarcastic remark back but the truth is, I was completely blindsided and the passive aggressive attitude just came out of nowhere, I’d never met the man a day in my life and at that point I'd had no problem with him.
Other examples are, before break I tried to reach for a ball that was on top of the cupboard and he said ‘don’t worry about that’ and swiped it himself. Someone watching may have thought it was innocent and helpful enough but it seemed somewhat sexist- I’m a tall woman and would’ve gotten it a few moments later. I thought it odd that he said ‘don’t worry’ and did it for me rather than asking whether I needed help.
The last thing he said that was completely unnecessary was me suggesting that he make his way to his next class as it was time. One of my colleagues stated that we needed his help to get the kids to the next classroom so we could all go down together. He then added ‘that makes sense.’ AIBU to think that this man was unnecessarily rude and passive aggressive? I really don’t know what his problem was but it gave me the creeps that it seemed so targeted. I want to add that my colleagues really seemed to like him and one of them was even giving him compliments like ‘you’re a natural’ etc. which obviously wasn’t helping. They were oblivious. Towards the end I made up my mind to just dismiss him and avoid contact. The last encounter I had with him was opening the classroom door as he was about to make his way out. I was so p*ssed off by then that I just walked through it first. He then (again, passive aggressively) said ‘Can I get through the door?’- I completely blanked him as again it was an unnecessary comment. Just writing this I can’t believe this person’s behaviour. I was nothing but nice to him at the start of the day, probably too nice, which he possibly took for weakness.
The whole ordeal made me extremely uncomfortable and really reminded me of that dynamic you see in emotionally abusive relationships where one person is constantly putting the other down but no one else can detect it but them? It’s hard to explain. At first I just thought maybe he was a sexist or something but the class teacher had nothing but good things to say about him and it began to dawn on me that he seemed to behave this way after learning the information that I was also on agency and decided I wasn’t worth respecting, which is absolutely disgusting if true. I’m just really confused as to why someone would behave like this? Any thoughts or similar experiences with odd people and behaviours at regarding perceived hierarchies/status at work? Is there a name for this type of personality or behaviour because I’m so baffled and offended. I’m supposed to be working with him one more day and as you can imagine, I’m hardly looking forward to it. Also please don’t tell me to confront this person, a classroom is not the place for that, I barely know him and he is likely to be moving on anyway. I also supposed he’s the type who would feign innocence or make it seem like I was crazy if I did bring anything up as his behaviour was so subtle at times. I do wonder if this individual treats women like this in his personal life, it really bothered me. He was such a red flag.