I'm mad as hell

[WannabeArtist]

I am. I can't take it anymore.

DS with ASD (no diagnosis yet but nursery and every professional whos ever met him tells us to go to GP). He just threw his all his toys at the wall & down the stairs breaking them all because I went for a wee and he didn't want me to.

DS2 left in his cot crying for so long while I sort out DS1. I feel so awful. Poor DS2. He is going to get hurt soon

DH downstairs doing FA about any of it. I started to cry and he said "don't do that".

My pelvic floor is fucked so I'm literally pissing myself while one son throws his toys at my head and the other is screaming in his cot. Took me 12 months to see a gyno. She referred to physio and just got a letter saying it will be 18 months.

My job is a joke.

My kids don't let me leave the room. They both cling and cling.

Everything is always messy. I actually think my bathroom smells.

Every night I drink.

My gas bill was nearly 300 quid.

No point writing this but I feel like I'm going mad.

I want to walk out my house and never stop walking.

Please help me. I know you can't. But Im desperate.

You have a husband in the house. Why does he not do anything about all this? Can you explain a little more?

It sounds like an absolutely dreadful situation for you.

You aren't going mad, you are exhausted.

As another mum of an ASD child, my heart goes out to you. It's so bloody difficult but it gets easier once you get support in place.

The drinking won't help though. Stop while you can still control it, before it starts to control you. Oh and your DH needs to get his arse into gear to step up and start parenting.

You have my sympathies op 💐

Its a horrible feeling when everything is so stressful and you don't even know where to start fixing it all, so end up never starting.

Break your problems down, some you can't do anything about, but others you definitely have control over.

First thing I would tackle is your dh. He should be dealing with the kids, if your bathroom smells - well he uses it too so why can't he do it? He needs to know how you're feeling and that he needs to step up.

How far are you into getting a diagnosis? Have you tried posting on the SEN board on here, or even in chat for parents with more experience for tips, ways to help with him being overstimulated etc.

The wait for physio is ridiculous, could you maybe Google for some techniques to try at home, they might not work, but its definitely worth trying meantime.

I'm not sure what the problem with your job is and I'm not going to glibly suggest for you to get a new one, it's probably worth hanging in there until you're in a better space with everything else in your life.

With the drinking, you clearly recognise that it's a problem. It will be magnifying the way you're feeling at the moment, so if you can't totally cut it out, then please do cut down.

The gas bill just sounds like the icing in the cake of a particularly shit time. I have no suggestions, but I get it, I understand, and many of us are there too. There are threads on how to try and reduce usage, when you're in the right headspace take a look and see if there's anything you can do.

Its so bloody hard being right in the thick of it with two young, clingy children, especially if you're the only one doing everything, coping with the mental load, and have no respite at all. I, like many others, lost my way, and myself, for a good while while mine were young. It will get easier I promise you op.

Don't think about all your problems as one huge shit pile. Smaller problems, a list of what order things need to be dealt with, and take things a day at a time. You will come through this intense time 💐

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way OP. It’s tough with young kids anyway, without the additional stress you describe.
do you have someone nearby so you could get out of the house for an hour or so to clear your head? A coffee with a friend? DH will have to deal with the kids.
Do you have supportive family? This issue with your husband not pulling his weight needs addressing. Hugs to you.

I'm free tonight, I'll come give your DH a kick in the balls for you.

Your husband seems to be 50% of the problem.

I know I shouldn't promote violence but can't you whack husband on the head with a saucepan & tell him to start doing some parenting for a change?! You're absolutely exhausted from doing everything. He needs to step up & get stuck in. Big hugs op xx

So sorry OP, why can’t your husband help- or shall I guess “he works really long hours” aka a 9-5.

on a practical level, how old is Dc1?

Your DH is half the problem. He's sitting downstairs scratching his arse while his children scream? He's more than a bit shit, isn't he?

Could you bring DS2 downstairs, hand him to DH and then go out for a long walk / drive? It won't solve all your problems but it might give you a bit of peace and quiet.

Really feel for you OP, if your husband was pulling his weight, you wouldn't be feeling this desperate

Your DH sounds like a lazy, inconsiderate arse. For crying out loud, do not have any more DC with this man. Please, please, please make sure your contraception is up to scratch (even if you aren't actually having sex rn).

I just wanted to send you a handhold. I have a baby and an older almost-certainly-ASD preschooler awaiting the final diagnosis but passed all the assessments so far. It's the pits right now but hopefully it gets better.

On a practical level if DH is home, regardless of what he's doing, he needs to pitch in because when two children need you, two adults need to divide and conquer. Otherwise one child gets left.

He needs to understand that he is doubling your workload and stealing time and energy from you by not immediately pitching in and parenting HIS children. Every time there is a situation with one child he should be getting up to sort it out or keep the other busy.

It's not his long hours but both kids scream for me and he gets offended "they don't want me/both my sons hate me" etc so he just gives up and disappears

Ds2 is 14 months. He's a really happy baby but he needs me and DS1 (4) just doesn't let me out his sight. People say I need to be firmer but I leave him alone or with DH, he gets so upset.

I was on top of it all for a bit. Filling out the forms for DS1. Meetings at nursery etc. I stopped drinking during the week. But is all fallen down again. I don't think it's possible to do it all long term.

Sorry to be dramatic. But wine is the only thing that takes the edge off. And sometimes I just feel like disappearing. I could never leave my boys with just their dad. So I'm stuck here. And that feels unbearable sometimes

He cannot leave DS2 to scream in his cot while you are dealing with DS1. Wtf would he do if you got appendicitis and had to go to hospital? Dump them on your ward and go home?

Based on your update you husband sounds absolutely pathetic. To be brutally honest, it will do your husband and your kids good for you to go out for an hour or so and leave them to it. Your kids react that way because they aren’t used to being left with dad. Your partner will learn to cope, he will have to. Your kids will adapt to having short breaks away from you. You’ll regain some of your sanity. It’ll be beneficial for everyone.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I've definitely been there so completely sympathise. It's absolutely so hard and some days you just feel like you're going mad and it will never end. This probably won't help but things will get better. Your little ones are at an all-consuming age. It gets easier. Not every day, but overall. Please find a chance to have some uninterrupted alone time. Tell your DH how much this is affecting you.

Go out and leave them with him. Preferably overnight.

This.

That sounds hard…
Do you have any support? Grandparents?

Can you speak to your DH? He needs to help! I actually would tell him I was leaving and go for a walk to clear my head if I were you.

Can you afford a pelvic floor strengthener? I know it may not work, but may help mentally?
Could you afford an after school club?
Lastly, try not to drink, it doesn’t help. You’ll sleep worse at first, but so much better after a few days/week.

It will pass, even though it feels like hell now.

Probably a silly suggestion but sometimes I get overwhelmed by noise and multiple people talking at me at once if there’s an escalation in the house and you just know kids are going to kick off. Can you wear noise cancelling headphones just to take the shrill out of it for a bit whilst you’re in the same room?

Honestly OP a physio will do nothing to help you. The only treatment that worked for pelvic floors is no longer available. Join a pilates class.

Ref the kids and DH, take off go visit someone but just leave them to it. I don't mean forever just for a few hours.

Sending a hug it sounds exhausting.

If your husband can’t help directly with the kids because they cling to you, he should be pulling his weight elsewhere in the house. Cleaning the bathroom, doing the washing, hanging it out and putting it away, people icking up the general messiness that children leave in the wake etc. It won’t lower your gas bill or fix your pelvic floor but at least it’ll make the house a little more bearable if some of the shit chores are taken care of whilst you have two kids hanging off you every minute they’re awake.

Sorry *picking not people icking 🤣

Get the pan. I'll get the patio ready.

I hope tonight is the last night you feel like this and your DH steps up! Seriously agree with PPs you should leave him to it for a bit 🍷