Arguments over the spare room

[Met82]

Would like to get everyone’s opinion on this.
So me and my husband have been together 15 years, married 5 and living together for 10.

We both have a child to a previous relationship however until recent we all lived under the same roof with no issues.

Problem has came up. My son who is the oldest of the two kids (25) officially moved out 3 months ago and in with his girlfriend into their first flat. He has been staying 5 days out of 7 at hers for the last 2 years anyway but this new flat its officially theirs and he has moved all his belongings out.

My husband wants his girl who is 17 to now move into the bigger room (what was previously my sons room) as she currently has the small room to herself.

He appears to have agreed this without ever running it by me first and assumed there would be no issues. His argument is simply that my son moved out 3 months ago and the room is sitting empty so sees no issues in it. He did say that of course there is always a room/bed for my son should anything ever change however he thinks that should be the small room. On the odd occasion my son visits and decides to stay over he thinks it should be in the small room.

Im 100% against this. My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn’t and he has to move back in. I don’t want him feeling that his room is no longer there.

Am I being completely unreasonable as I don’t think I am however my husband seems really angry that this is even being discussed.

Help

This is hard to believe. Your arguments are ridiculous! Sounds like you're trying to get a daily fail story.

YABVU.

Your son has left your house.
His needs in your household are currently zero as he has moved out.

Why are you putting his needs in your household (which are zero) above your SD who actually lives in your home.

She definitely should go in the bigger room if she wants to.

I don't know why, but you are being really selfish on behalf of no one - your reasoning is completely bizarre and fundamentally flawed

First time poster too. I guess it's a quiet day on the newsdesk.

When DS1 moved out permanently (own place, belongings gone), DS2 moved into his room a month later. The rooms are about the same size, but DS1's room is much sunnier, better view, and has a bigger closet. If DS1 had wanted to move home he would have been given DS2's old room.

Once a child moves out 'permanently', the room no longer 'belongs' to them. It is just another a room in their parent's home. It shouldn't be kept 'as is' just in case they want to come back if there is a better use for it. And in this case there IS a better use for it as it's a better room for his stepsister to move into.

What is it with babying male children these days?

A great question!

100% Agree with above.
You're smothering is embarrasing !

you havent answered the Q from many- if it was your DSD who had moved out, would you be happy for your Ds to stay in the small room?

This

op, you are being absolutely ridiculous

you want your adult son's big room left totally unused, while your poor teen step daughter who still lives at home is in the small room?

no wonder your husband didn't talk to you about it - this setup is stupid and illogical, no sensible person would think it's the logical thing to do.

Come on OP. Get a bloody grip of yourself. Massively unreasonable.

You are depriving your stepdaughter a bigger room in her home for a hypothetical future scenario, YABU.

Let your stepdaughter have about of decent space and move into the room. No point is reserving it for something that may never happen, and if it does- he can take the small room!

In 10+ years on mn I've never felt YABU so much!!!!!!!

You are saving a room for someone who has left home over someone who actually lives in the house and wants more space.

For fuck sake get a grip.

Did your son go away to university? That would have been the ideal time to swap them over.

Or if not at university then when he turned 21 and your DSD was 13.

I can’t believe you’ve had her in the smaller room all this time without you even considering the option of it being her turn to get the bigger room.

You are being very strange. Let your DSD have the bigger room if she wants it.

Your DS has moved out. If his relationship does break down (which may never happen) there is a room for him to move back in with you. No parent I know preserves their child's room when they move out in case something goes wrong with their new house.

YABVU. It’s rude that your DH didn’t run it past you first just out of courtesy but it’s your DSD’s turn to have the larger room now.

Actually, this post has reverse written all over it, no one is this unreasonable surely?

1. It shouldn't be a discussion. Your son is 25 and has moved out
2. Your husband is correct about the empty nest.

I don’t think I had even got the last bag in my car before my brother was in my room (and I was under 20 at the time) 😂

You are being completely unreasonable. The 17 year old has presumably put up with the small room for years. Now the big room is free of course it's hers! Perhaps if your son knows he's got the small room at yours he might work harder at his relationship rather than come back to yours easily.

YABVU. You want to keep a room available for someone who's officially moved out, and leave the child in a smaller room, who's living in the house 100% of the time.

Tbh I'm not surprised your dh is annoyed, I would be too. Your ds has a room if he needs it.

Have you taken on board the vast majority of opinions here @Met82 that are telling you, you are wrong?
Your DS no longer lives there, your partner's DD should absolutely have the bigger room!

UABU DHD is part of the family and she should be treated as such. If she was your biological daughter are you saying you would leave his room empty while DD is stuck in the boxroom?

This is interesting. My DD is 20 and in her 2nd year at uni now, only comes back occasionally but will be back at xmas. Next summer not sure but she was back for about 3 months this year.
In her room she has a double bed, my 16yr old is desperate for it. Would I be unreasonable to give it to 16yr old? DD20 I will get an inflatable double mattress for when she comes back and stays with BF but theres always a single bed in the room?

YABU. This would seriously make me question the relationship if I were your DH and this was how you were treating my child.

The fact that you keep justifying your decision and not even acknowledging that multiple pages of people telling that you are being unreasonable shows that you think you are right

You are definitely living up to the evil stepmother caricature. You have shown a horrible side to your DH and DSD and I don’t think it will be forgotten

@MyLifeNow20 Yes absolutely give it to your 16yo. I would let your older daughter know before hand so she's not surprised but your younger daughter deserves the extra space. When older daughter finishes uni it is extremely unlikely she will move back home.