Page 7 | To think life was 100% easier before kids

Pleasecreateausername95 · 2022-10-31T18:57:35+00:00

I adore my dd, obviously…but it’s so hard at times, isn’t it? I’m starting to miss so many things now and I know I won’t get them back…or maybe in another 12-14 years perhaps…and it won’t be the same then as Dh and I will be older. Would you like to go back to being child free for the weekend to see what it was like?

Whataboutno · 04/11/2022 22:19

I'm definitely more exhausted 100 percent. I miss watching quiz shows like The Chase after work instead of YouTube kids shows 😅

nomoreflyingducks · 04/11/2022 23:40

So much depends on so many variables. I suspect if you have good family support, easy going, healthy children, maybe a stay at home parent, good salary, and good health, then having children is likely to be a much more positive experience than, a colicky baby who never sleeps; a demented toddler who is incapable of understanding No'; a defiant pre-schooler/ primary/ teenager who refuses to follow any instruction at school or home; zero help from family; reliant on nursery or childminder; live in an area of limited or no before/ after school clubs; have both parents working so constant stress when a child is ill of who can take the day 'off' (not all companies will give you careers leave etc); having a neuro diverse child(ren) (I'm sure some will disagree with my neurodiverse comment, but dd is autistic and she is so, so much harder to parent than my neurotypical ds caveat I'm sure there will be parents who find it easy parenting a neurodivrse child, alas I'm not one of them). Having an ill child or ill parent, having a partner who is disengaged in parenting/ working away 24/7/ or just ups and leaves and no doubt other factors I've left out are bound to play apart on those who love being a parent, those who wish they could turn the clock back, and those who are ambivalent. But I think it's important parents can voice how they feel and not be chastised because they are struggling with the various challenges being a parent brings. Similarly a parent should be able to say how much they love being a parent and not have some snarky remark made.
So to answer your question op for me life was 100% easier before kids. Someone up thread said something along the lines of "well isn't it obvious it will be harder" I'd answer 'No" for some, as this thread shows life after kids has been much better and made life easier. As with so much in life, one change in parenting circumstances can cause a major landslide in family life (be it a single family, blended family, adopted family etc)

aseriesofstillimages · 04/11/2022 23:49

nomoreflyingducks · 04/11/2022 23:40

So much depends on so many variables. I suspect if you have good family support, easy going, healthy children, maybe a stay at home parent, good salary, and good health, then having children is likely to be a much more positive experience than, a colicky baby who never sleeps; a demented toddler who is incapable of understanding No'; a defiant pre-schooler/ primary/ teenager who refuses to follow any instruction at school or home; zero help from family; reliant on nursery or childminder; live in an area of limited or no before/ after school clubs; have both parents working so constant stress when a child is ill of who can take the day 'off' (not all companies will give you careers leave etc); having a neuro diverse child(ren) (I'm sure some will disagree with my neurodiverse comment, but dd is autistic and she is so, so much harder to parent than my neurotypical ds caveat I'm sure there will be parents who find it easy parenting a neurodivrse child, alas I'm not one of them). Having an ill child or ill parent, having a partner who is disengaged in parenting/ working away 24/7/ or just ups and leaves and no doubt other factors I've left out are bound to play apart on those who love being a parent, those who wish they could turn the clock back, and those who are ambivalent. But I think it's important parents can voice how they feel and not be chastised because they are struggling with the various challenges being a parent brings. Similarly a parent should be able to say how much they love being a parent and not have some snarky remark made.
So to answer your question op for me life was 100% easier before kids. Someone up thread said something along the lines of "well isn't it obvious it will be harder" I'd answer 'No" for some, as this thread shows life after kids has been much better and made life easier. As with so much in life, one change in parenting circumstances can cause a major landslide in family life (be it a single family, blended family, adopted family etc)

Best comment on the thread, in my humble opinion 👏

aseriesofstillimages · 04/11/2022 23:51

CoveredInCobwebs · 04/11/2022 21:21

@aseriesofstillimages Sorry, you're right - I quoted a bit lazily there, because I do think there is a bit of an agenda - but it's not from childless people; it's from people who did have children, and find it really tough, and want everyone else to feel the same way as them. But I see that I left the reference to childless people in my quote, which I shouldn't have. In fact I have a huge amount of respect for people who stay childless by choice.

thank you for acknowledging that 😊

aseriesofstillimages · 05/11/2022 00:10

PurpleButterflyWings · 04/11/2022 21:54

I sort of agree with this. I do believe some people with children have an agenda. Because THEY found it tough, and don't even seem to LIKE their own children, they want everyone else to feel the same. And many of them blatantly refuse to believe people who say they DON'T feel the same, and actually love their children and are soooo glad they had them. Indeed, they seem to get quite irked when some people say they love being a parent, and there are lots of good points to it.

I disagree about the childless though. I mean I know you're only speaking as you find/from your experience, but in MY experience, some (not all) childless people are very scathing and derogatory about children - and mothers too. Complaining about them having maternity leave, time off for ante natal appointments, if the kids are ill etc, and generally sneering at mums, calling them breeders and being basically derisory about them. As I say, not ALL childless people, but some yeah.

Also, whilst I have no problem with people remaining childless by choice, I don't have a 'huge amount of respect' for them either.

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I can see that. And if I’m entirely honest, I am occasionally a bit disparaging about people with children - not in a mean way, but in the sense that when all of your social circle, and the friendship groups you’ve had since uni, have children and you don’t, it can be incredibly isolating and on occasion quite tedious - when other people endlessly compare notes about their children over dinner, or when you can’t finish a conversation with someone because they’re so distracted by what their child is doing. I know it’s not their fault, and it’s entirely natural they are focused on their children - but just as much as parents who are finding things tough need space to complain from time to time, so do those of us who seemingly suddenly find ourselves the only one who isn’t sharing the experience of being a parent.

antelopevalley · 05/11/2022 00:34

Why not have respect for childfree people? I respect people who have children and who do not based on who they are,