To think life was 100% easier before kids

[Pleasecreateausername95]

I adore my dd, obviously…but it’s so hard at times, isn’t it? I’m starting to miss so many things now and I know I won’t get them back…or maybe in another 12-14 years perhaps…and it won’t be the same then as Dh and I will be older.
Would you like to go back to being child free for the weekend to see what it was like?

I’m childfree and infertile (recurrent losses) and I’m just sad. It’s like a heavy weight of grief that all the lie-ins, spa hotels and netflix binges in the world cannot touch. I can please myself but it all just feels empty and grey. You may have things harder logistics wise but you have a reason to get up in the morning and from my p.o.v. you are lucky.

It's difficult because we're not meant to do it in silos. We're meant to have a whole village supporting us. Not having that impacts our time, our chores, our mental health, our children's mental health.

I don't remember! But yes you are right of course.

But there was less love, no person who is a part of you and reflects you, who brings you joy and knackered mess in equal measure, who has given you another dimension.

At least 200% easier. I never had a single night away from my kids for 10 years. Then I left my husband and now I get eow to myself and it is absolute bliss. It’s made such a difference to my well-being just to get a bit of headspace and I’m a much better parent for it.

Yes. Thing is, you no one can ever truly explain to you what being a parent really feels like. And even if they did you’d never believe me because your kids will be ‘different’. Then before you know it you’re in it and it’s too late. Best you can ever do for yourself is limit it to one.

Life was easier before kids but for me it is immeasurably better with them.
We have the odd child free weekend now that they are all old enough to stay with grandparents and I can't wait to get back to them.
@Phrenologistsfinger I hope it happens for you soon

It was easier for practical reasons and employment opportunities but God, so much worse in a lot of ways. I have a purpose, a drive and I can't put it into words how he has changed me. I owe my life to this kid and I'll spend the rest of mine trying to show him my gratitude. But nothing I do will be enough.
But one weekend to be child free... I'd stay in bed probably 😅

Oh absolutely, but it gets easier and easier and by the time they're about 10 the relentless physical care has eased off (you can go out without them/they go out without you). There's still the emotional side of things but it's definitely easier!

For me personally life feels a lot easier now I have a child. Before I had a kid my mental health was appalling. I had too much time to myself to navel gaze, ruminate, overthink. Having a kid has made my life so full of love, so much richer. I have to take responsibility for myself now for the sake of my child. I make better choices. It simplified things and made me realise what my priorities should be. As a result life feels easier now.

For me personally life feels a lot easier now I have a child. Before I had a kid my mental health was appalling. I had too much time to myself to navel gaze, ruminate, overthink. Having a kid has made my life so full of love, so much richer. I have to take responsibility for myself now for the sake of my child. I make better choices. It simplified things and made me realise what my priorities should be. As a result life feels easier now.

For me personally life feels a lot easier now I have a child. Before I had a kid my mental health was appalling. I had too much time to myself to navel gaze, ruminate, overthink. Having a kid has made my life so full of love, so much richer. I have to take responsibility for myself now for the sake of my child. I make better choices. It simplified things and made me realise what my priorities should be. As a result life feels easier now.

Didn't mean to post 3 times, sorry!

I used to think like this and was desperate for my old life back when my children were very small but I wouldn't change my life for anything now.

Is it harder? Of course. Would I like to go a day without being harassed by my mini dictators? Or course. Would I want my old life back and never have had them? Absolutely no way.

I used to have fantasies about living in an immaculate apartment with white carpets and grazing on smoked salmon, champagne and strawberries. Being childless and single not so much

Of course it was easier. No responsibilities and no worries, spend all your earnings to please yourself. Spend all your time as you wish.

I do earn a lot more now than before children but I'd rather spend my money on them, some weird selflessness. I don't neglect my needs or wants but I get more joy from spending on my children for now and for their future. Maybe that was a factor in increasing my earnings? For them in a way.

I detest the fact that I do not have that completely deep sleep from before children. If there's anything to do with them, the lightest noise, I wake up.

The hardest thing though is the constant worry. And the bigger they get, the bigger the worries!

How old is your DD? Mine are 5 and 6, and I have literally just felt like I've got my life back (not totally obviously, but enough to make me feel like a different person) in the past month or so. I'm literally loving life again!

I'm so sorry I hope you are okay.

I've a reason to get up in the morning but atm I just dread the waking up (4 months old) and the daily relentless battle. I've nearly cracked up this morning as husband made a coffee and I didn't get chance to even drink it or brush my teeth - little one started playing up and I had to attend to him all morning.

I've read somewhere that whether we have kids or not, there is a sense of loss either way. With kids some have sense of loss of the old life, of their old selves. Without kids there's an obvious sense of loss of motherhood. X

Of course it was easier.
But it would be a lot more boring and lonely without her

Yes life was easier. I didn't realise how much easier as I had little to no experience with children.

Another thing with kids is that you'll always be poorer. Your savings become their future.

I've learned so much since having children. Not certain at all I'd have them again if I'd known the reality.

Yes it is, and relentless. Mine are 14 and 16 now and it’s easier now in so many ways, it still has challenges obvs but it’s sooooo much easier once they are independent. Even stuff like going out for a pint of milk is a project with young kids lol

Define 'easier.' Yeah you have to plan ahead a little more, but so what? Life with children is a completely different life, but life before them is no better than after. It's just different. It's a wonderful life with children, and I loved it, every minute of it, and I would not change a thing. We had some great times with the kids, and some great adventures, and memories that we'll cherish forever.

And now they're adults, they are wonderful friends to us, and a special, important, and amazing part of our lives. They're both getting married in 2023 and 2024, so we have their weddings to look forward to, new extended families, and eventually grandchildren. With no children, this whole world never opens up.

This idea from some that your life turns to shit when you have kids is so depressing.

Me and DH have no kids at home now, and of course we are enjoying the new found total freedom and not having to do school runs, running around various universities, running around their friend's homes, hosting their friends, school politics, and the expense of having children. But no WAY would I have switched the life of a parent for a childless life. The pros outweighed the cons massively.

@Pleasecreateausername95 'When does it get easier' is hard to answer. Along with the good times and adventures and fun, there are different challenges throughout the childrens lives. If you're not enjoying parenthood, then it will only get 'easier' when your children leave home, and never return.

As a pp said, life was great before children, but it's better with them. They enriched mine and DH's lives, and I can never imagine life without them. I would never ever change a thing. Being a parent is just the best thing ever.

A hefty dose of rose tinted specs there.

'Enjoy every single minute' blah blah blah - don't believe you

It's all-consuming, even when they reach their teens! I have huge respect for people who manage their careers at the same time.

Harder in many ways, but infinitely better and richer. It balances out, by and large. I also agree with a pp - my life often seems easier with kids. I'm not whining about pointless shit anymore (mostly)