To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

[Alondra]

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

Can I try to explain it this way please..,,

I don't know what jobs people in here do, but let's say, for the sake of argument, somebody was an accountant. So there you are, living your day to day life - nothing remarkable at all, just getting on with it.

But then you come on MN Roth your coffee, and you see thread after thread most weeks about accountants. And when you click on them (because you think, "oh look a thread about accountants - that's me") - you see the same posters on those threads every time. Then you realise, these posters have absolutely nothing to do with accountants, have never met one and claim they would rather jump off s bluff than be one. But nevertheless, they have SOOOO MUCH TO SAY. about accountants. Not only that, but they have all kinds of notions about what their husbands must think, as well as s whole host of ideas about what you should be thinking and doing instead!

There you were, living your accountant life, thinking "nothing to see here." But you come on MN, as s mum, to a whole furore about a lifestyle that to you, is just basic normality. Can you say you would not find this a strange phenomenon? Would you not wonder why and how people could get so het up about your lifestyle, when it never occurred to you anyone would remotely care?

You cut out part of my quote to purposefully misrepresent what I was saying. Not nice .

What I said was I take no issue with stay at home parents, but I have zero respect for people who choose to be unemployed when they don't effectively have children to raise. Ergo, I don't see this latter category as functional adults. I have passed no such judgement on stay at home parents.

It brings something to your life though having a career. It’s a huge part of life you’re missing out on. But you’re young. You’ll learn

She has school age kids, so presumably she was barely out of her teens when she married. Yet somehow she is sure she made a stellar, mature, perfectly informed choice of partner, unlike all these other women whose marriages fall apart left and right 🥴

This is exactly what it feels like.

To you. Are you unaware that there are many ways to live a meaningful and fulfilled life outside of paid labour?

Ignorance. My mother married at 19 and my parents have been married for 40 years. My grandmother married at 18 and was happily married until my grandfather died in his 80s. I'm sorry that you have been exposed to shit relationships but that's not the norm nor the standard for everyone.

@AMorningstar - but that is you. And your husband. It's clear that many men and women see it very differently, isn't it?

Everyone's ideal is different. You may be asking people to change their assumptions so you get respect for your choices. Life is not like that; there is no given respect. I think your threads are about that.

I get that and that's fine - I've never actually said everyone should be like me and my husband.

What I have said is that people shouldn't treat staying home like its the inferior choice.

Yes but were your mother and grandmother lazy individuals expecting their husbands to graft their entire lives so they could remain well rested?

Absolutely. But what would us old codgers know. Teenagers are the experts on life. No way you’d get divorced if you didn’t believe in it just because half of marriages end that way (more when people marry young). Anyway if there was any doubt the fact she has time to get dolled up because she’s unemployed will ensure lifelong marital bliss.

@cagliari

I think its weirder to presume people shouldn't or don't have opinions on a wide range of subjects.

Not done to be nasty at all. If you say those who don't earn a wage aren't functional adults, then that includes SAHPs. I don't earn a wage. I haven't for 7. 5 years and probabky won't for several more. I didn't cease to be a functional adult the day I quit my job.

It comes to the same thing. You are asking for them to believe something they don't agree with. Be confident in your choices, they are yours. No one else can say they are good or better. They are yours. If you are asking for people not to comment, then it will never stop. It used to be that women who did work were disapproved of. That kind of judgment is over. The flip side is that being at home is not too special either.

Enjoy your life.

You seem really bitter that I think both partners being able to be less stressed and less exhausted is conducive to a healthy relationship.

My grandmother was a housewife and SAHM, my mum worked very part time (2 days per week) and did all the domestic duties while my dad handled finances and bills. Is there a problem with this?

If you were actually a SAHM, can you not see how all this eouid come across though, FlamencoDance.

The way SAHMs get debated on here snd the way threads take off, you
would think they were doing something criminal! Being a SAHM is nothing remarkable at all. It's just looking after your own kids. Why all this fuss ?

Half of marriages ending in divorce is a bit of a half truth- that includes statistics from second and third marriages, which are significantly more likely to fail. First marriages not so much.

I think you should be sorry you haven’t been « exposed to shit relationships » (if that’s true which is unlikely). It might have taught you something useful. Naïveté is not a helpful thing.

Oh well you’re the expert!

I don't cate whether they agree with it or not. People should be rude about other peoples lives. Why is that so hard

I'm not naive and you repeating it ad infinitum won't make it so, no matter how much you wish it. I'm sorry women being in happy marriages makes you feel inadequate.

What if though, it's what most women want? Why is it sexist if most choose it. I get that you wouldn't, and that's fine but plenty of women would.

Has this thread turned into AMorningstar show.