To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

[Alondra]

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

Oh look, OP found yet another alias.

It's definitely been an eye opener! I had no idea about this apparent schism. In either camp there seem to be unhappy people.

The sane thing to is educate your daughters not to be doormats and that they have their own means. If they choose a more traditional way of life, then they at least have some prospects if it goes south.

It's the difference between marrying a rich man and becoming a rich woman. Different things, very different women.

I am
Not a stay at home mum by the way!

Haha, this is actually so true! Whenever I see a SAHM thread on mumsnet, I know topgub will be on it.

Exactly. Who really cares. Just be happy.

No, you have it wrong. The reason women are unhappy in these high powered, stressful jobs is because they still have all the other shit to do as well. Very few men are throwing in their jobs to make sure their wives are 'well rested' like the OP has. The problem is not the job, it's the patriarchy. Employers know that which is why we're not promoted or head hunted as often. For every man who has a woman at home like the OP, there js a working woman is being shat on, underpaid, undervalued and under-utilised. It's why so many of my female colleagues don't go for promotions, because 'they don't need the extra stress', because they know that no one will take on the extra responsibilities outside of work if they do!

I couldn't really find meaning in tasks which the majority managed to fit in around a 37.5 hour job but that's just me.
When children are small it's fine, and if there are health conditions or children with additional needs I also get it.
But I would be devastated if my daughter let herself be so vulnerable as the OP. I don't earn much but taking my kids away last week and knowing that I paid for every ice cream, museum entry, bus fare. That just means so much to me.
My only plea to the SAHP's is please learn how the family money is organised. Don't let your husbands decide where is goes and how it gets spent. In my opinion, women are actually much better at finding bargains, comparing deals, checking the credibility of certain companies. If he's gunna fuck you over, you need to know what money is going where.

What you both on about, what women are unhappy in their high powered Jobs?

pair of uou give your head a wobble.😂

What will you do when your children have flown the nest? Your role as homemaker will dry up, at least while raising children you can see yourself as a productive member of society, but you won't be so convincing when there are no children in the home and you're just faffing about in an empty house as the full time carer of a fully functioning working man who could at any point decide he's not in love with you and take away everything you believe is secure and solid in your life.

@Fairylightsongs sorry I forgot the 'some' women not the majority, a very small minority!

Not everyone struggles to keep a husband

Good Lord the profoundly misogynistic tropes just keep coming. We need a bingo board.

@AMorningstar

They started on page 2 of the original thread. I had my suspicions, but a lot of women do have internalised misogyny.

But then it got on to the porn loving kinksters who don't believe in divorce or casual sex and YOU ARE ALL JUST BITTER JEALOUS KARENS WHO WON'T ACCEPT YOU'D ALL BE HAPPIER IN THE KITCHEN WATCHING PORN BITTER BITTER JEALOUS JEALOUS AND YOU SHOULD LOOK GREAT FOR YOUR HUSBANDS DID I MENTION YOU'RE ALL BITTER JEALOUS KARENS and I can't believe how many people continued to believe it.

This is "gorilla in a blonde wig and miniskirt" level stuff.

Calling me aa gorilla in a wig is so fucking rude holy shit. You're also massively misrepresenting what was said and what it was in response to.

Me saying people in relationships and marriages should make an effort for each other is not me saying "you'd be happier in the kitchen watching porn" 🙄 Me saying someone who constantly bangs on about infidelity and a back up plan while projecting that onto other people, isn't secure about their relationship is not me saying "you're all just jealous". I do think there's a jealousy element going on but you're making out like it was yelled at you unprovoked, rather than said after several offensive comments were levelled.

Again it's amazing how you have nothing to say to the abuse that was levelled at me, yet are horrified when I retaliate. Really telling.

Calling me aa gorilla in a wig is so fucking rude holy shit.

Sorry, I'm not going to take etiquette lessons from someone who's been hurling misogynistic insults left, right and centre for two days...

Would love to know how it's misogynistic to believe women should be able to choose what they do with their lives and have equal opportunities to do so.

The fact I choose a certain path for myself is my own right to do so.

I wouldn't have said a THING about other peoples marriages or dynamics if they hadn't constantly attacked mine. Don't fling shit if you don't want it back.

@immigrant002

Thanks for proving my point about the wider impacts women enforcing sexism

@FlamencoDance

I cope absolutely fine in my stressful, senior role.

Soft and easy it ain't

Maybe I'm a man?!

for what it’s worth @AMorningstar i don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with being a SAHP or “housewife”. Couples should be free of course to divide labour as they wish, and in my opinion domestic labour should be recognised and valued in the same way as paid work.
I have to be honest I wouldn’t like it if my girls chose that life as I would worry about their financial dependency on a partner. That’s not to say that they wouldn’t be equally contributing to the partnership or that resources wouldn’t be fairly shared, but it is a fact that if you rely on someone else to bring in income, you are dependent on them in a way that renders you fundamentally vulnerable. On the other hand, all of life’s choices entail their risks and I do not judge you in the slightest for yours.

what I do object to is the sexism and misogyny that has come out in your posts: That women being employed doesn’t contribute, but actively detracts from a relationship- what makes for a happy relationship is women staying at home so there’s more time for sex and personal preening; that you made a superior choice in husband unlike all those other silly women who get cheated on , or divorced; that your life is better than other women because you opted out of the capitalist rat race and have more time for hobbies and caretaking; that women who work are neglecting their children and therefore their true biological instincts / destiny ; that none of these downsides to employment apply in the same way to men ; and I could go on…

I know that you will claim you didn’t really say these things / they are taken out of context, but I’ve read the full context of both threads and you really did say all of them.

Losing control of what exactly? I'm in perfect control of my life and have everything I want. It's so funny how you have to make stuff up about me to try and make yourselves feel better.

Again amazing how you complain about my insults yet you're silent at insults targeted at me. Almost like you've got a bias.

Not everyone wants your shitty career oriented life, accept that people find fulfilment in different areas and get over it.

@Tandora

Well said.

And whilst I agree there is no need for trawling old posts etc @AMorningstar can't keep backtracking or blaming others for her posts.

Well she started it!! (Especially when its not completely true) is hardly a mature response.

OP’s a fantasist, pretending to be a commander’s wife in Gilead.