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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

867 replies

Alondra · 31/10/2022 11:55

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

OP posts:
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AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:07

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:06

exactly

No one here has ever stated otherwise so unsure what your point is.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:07

Ummm.

You were stating earlier people disagreeing with you meant you would be forced not to be a housewife

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:08

Oh and there was some guff about biology meaning mums should be with babies

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:09

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:07

Ummm.

You were stating earlier people disagreeing with you meant you would be forced not to be a housewife

No. I said you want people to stop being one.

You asked me how I thought you could stop me and I outright said you could not.

Don't misrepresent me.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:09

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:08

Oh and there was some guff about biology meaning mums should be with babies

I said most women probably feel a biological bond with their infant and want to stay with them.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:11

@AMorningstar

So do most dad's

Shame your kids didn't get to.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:12

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:11

@AMorningstar

So do most dad's

Shame your kids didn't get to.

I never said dads don't bond with their kids. But dad's also haven't been pregnant and birthed the child which means the bond will be different in some ways. Not better or worse. But different.

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 20:17

Tbh given that morningstar has spent next to no time at all with her children in the last 24h, preferring to argue with strangers on an internet forum, I don't think the bond is that strong

sst1234 · 31/10/2022 20:18

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 17:09

I can't believe it didn't occur to me before. It all makes sense now. You're the girl in school that can't wait to leave so she can find a man just like daddy to pay for everything whilst she does FA with her time. Her mother was usually equally as lazy and I imagine it goes back generations. Every school had one. Makes total sense.

It makes me feel quite sick that an adult man seeks out a partner to be submissive and meek and so he can stick his chest out and 'provide' whilst she stays at home being well rested for the after-tea sex on tap. Just gross. So little self respect.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the type of man who finds that kind of partner attractive. Those kind of men creep me out. Why you'd want a partner who is unable to manage an adult life and just sits around doe eyed relaxing and twirling her hair is beyond me. Something fundamentally wrong there.

That man needs someone to wax his eyebrows apparently.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:19

Autumndays123 · 31/10/2022 20:17

Tbh given that morningstar has spent next to no time at all with her children in the last 24h, preferring to argue with strangers on an internet forum, I don't think the bond is that strong

More assumptions about my life from you, whos got everything wrong so far. Keep them coming it's great 🤣 just making yourself look more and more bitter.

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:20

@AMorningstar

Sorry, you misunderstood

I meant most dad's dont want to be away from their babies either, shame your kids dad didn't get to stay with his.

sst1234 · 31/10/2022 20:20

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 19:32

I didn't start it.

But I don't particularly care that a bunch of bitter MN Karens disagree with me. MN attracts a certain type of woman usually - middle aged PTA school gate mum girlbossing vanilla types who think video games cause violence and men are the root of all evil. Couldn't really give a toss what people like that think.

Sure you didn’t start it.

oh and as well as generally disliking women, you now bestow the title Karen upon them.

This poster is the definition of batshit. Honestly it’s so odd, it’s unreal.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:22

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:20

@AMorningstar

Sorry, you misunderstood

I meant most dad's dont want to be away from their babies either, shame your kids dad didn't get to stay with his.

All dads should get more paternity leave, I think we found something we agree on!

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:24

@AMorningstar

Shared leave exists

sst1234 · 31/10/2022 20:25

RandomMusings7 · 31/10/2022 18:28

@AMorningstar How's been raising your kids for you these past 24h that you've spent almost continuosly arguing with us?

There are no kids.

She is a crazy cat lady who through this thread is living the life she wished she had had. No normal person talk the way this poster does. And they don’t devote 2 whole days incessantly typing on MN, without even pausing for breath.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:26

sst1234 · 31/10/2022 20:25

There are no kids.

She is a crazy cat lady who through this thread is living the life she wished she had had. No normal person talk the way this poster does. And they don’t devote 2 whole days incessantly typing on MN, without even pausing for breath.

Incredibly wrong, lol. But whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:26

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:24

@AMorningstar

Shared leave exists

The mother shouldn't have to sacrifice her leave to give the father more.

Fairylightsongs · 31/10/2022 20:29

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 19:33

I don't have to justify anything to you and I'm not going to. My life is better than yours and you can cope and seethe.

That’s nice dear 🤣

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:32

@AMorningstar

No one said they should.

6 months each is plenty.

Kenmasterspoloneck · 31/10/2022 20:34

sst1234 · 31/10/2022 20:25

There are no kids.

She is a crazy cat lady who through this thread is living the life she wished she had had. No normal person talk the way this poster does. And they don’t devote 2 whole days incessantly typing on MN, without even pausing for breath.

Oh gosh poor cats if a crazy cat lady. She probably considers getting off her waxed arse to feed them, being a job .

Please just do us a favour and put your housecoat on and jump back in your tardis to 1950 where you belong. Your husband is waiting for his slippers, sex and supper. Off you pop now.

AMorningstar · 31/10/2022 20:36

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:32

@AMorningstar

No one said they should.

6 months each is plenty.

Leaving a 6 month old baby would be horrific imo. I didn't put mine in any form of childcare until they were 4 and that was very part time. Each to their own but it would've broken my heart to leave my babies at that age. Plus theyre still night waking at that time too.

I'm bored of this now anyway. You clearly don't value the same things I do.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/10/2022 20:37

George Bernard Shaw has it ...

To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2
WifeMotherWorker · 31/10/2022 20:37

Refrosty · 31/10/2022 19:48

'Despise'...

Anyway, I don't see anyone unhappy that you're happy. I think many people have marriages that are just as happy, just different dynamics. You're touting a way of life that would leave a woman extremely vulnerable if she doesn't have family money or a husband who doesn't believe in divorce. Yours is a dangerous dream to sell to our daughters. I am in my 30s but I have witnessed your dream fall apart too many times. We can't all be so lucky, eh? Men are faithful to us. But, men also cheat. Men lose their jobs. Men get in life changing accidents. Men abandon their families when they grow bored. Men are not under our control, no matter how committed they tell you they are. Time passes. Values shift. People change. That's reality for most of us.

Perfectly put @Refrosty

Topgub · 31/10/2022 20:39

@AMorningstar

didn't put mine in any form of childcare

Neither did I.

I'm bored of this now anyway. You clearly don't value the same things I do.

Clearly not. I value equality and equal parenting and you value, well I'm not actually sure tbh

But who cares? We don't have to.

DeeCeeCherry · 31/10/2022 20:40

Who knows, but I dont see it anywhere except Mumsnet tbh. In real life I've never heard a conversation disparaging housewives. Not everyone defines themselves via jobs they do outside the home - it's best to ignore dissenters and just do you. Too many of us as women spend far too much time not being confident in our own life choices, and pointlessly worrying about what other women think.

I can't imagine getting myself in a tizz over whether my neighbour is a housewife or not