To ask what age you believe it’s appropriate to drink

[MaryIlover]

I’ve seen quite a few threads on here lately in which it seems the prevailing view is that any drinking under the age of 18 is bad and should not be permitted or facilitated by parents. To be honest I don’t really find this marries up with my own experience. Personally I think it’s the norm or at least quite common to start having parties drinking with your friends at about year 10/11 so that would be around 14-16 and that feels about right. My worry with making my DC wait until 18 is that firstly it would cause resentment if they were being left out of all their friends and secondly by 18 most of her friends would be going out clubbing and much more used or alcohol and therefore DC would end up placing themselves in far more risky situations rather than being thrown in at the deep end. Personally I think 15/16 is about the right age (I was about 15 myself) but to condemn all ‘underage drinking’ just seems really out of touch and unrealistic. Aibu?

Personally, I think 16

I think the difference is having a drink responsibly, vs getting drunk irresponsibly. Age 15/16 at a family meal or party being able to have a drink or two is very different to smashing a bottle of vodka each at a house party and passing out. I didn't really drink until 18 - had no feelings of missing out, didn't binge drink when I started and didn't have horrible memories like some of my friends do (talking about being passed out in fields!).

I'd say 13-14

I don't see a reason to drink alcohol at all. It serves no purpose than making you feel nice/crap?
So when a person is old enough to understand that I suppose 😂

Making 18 a cliff edge where everything you do before is for kids and everything afterwards is for adults is just storing up for disaster.

Besides, you and your kids will have have had massive arguments fallen out long before that point if you refuse to let them do anything 18 rated when they are 16.

For alcohol I would probably start asking them if they wanted light alcohol (beer/wine) about 14 but not offer them spirits till about 16.

Spirits can be a lot more dangerous than beer/wine and it's good for kids to have some appreciation of the difference and not have it all lumped together as "alcohol".

I wouldn't think of it as a declaration of 'now you're allowed to drink' at the specific age. When we were growing up my parents were okay with us trying their wine at dinner from 13/14 ish. It was never made to sound like it was a big deal and I think that helped in part shape my attitude towards drink - I can take it or leave it.

16 at home, socially, not frequently .

I think there's a big difference between facilitating under-age drinking and understanding that it goes on, and that difference is missed by a few people on the threads you mention (if we're thinking about the same ones). There is a world of difference between understanding that a teenager may well want to drink alcohol and laying on large quantities of alcohol for them (especially where the teenager in question is not your child).

Anyway, my kids are 15 and 17. 15yo has tried a small amount of beer at home. The sort of parties she goes to don't feature alcohol at all (she is quite a young 15 though). 17yo drinks at parties but not otherwise.

The "give them unlimited booze or they'll be drinking meths in the park" crew will no doubt be along soon to tell you that all kids are permanently pissed from the age of 12 and there's nothing you can do about it. It's not true though and I find it's sometimes rolled out on here as a justification for lazy under-parenting.

I've never facilitated my boys drinking. I don't buy it for them, I didn't serve it to them until they were 18. I'm under no illusions that they didn't have a drink before then with friends but they are now 21 & 23, they have a good relationship with alcohol and they don't binge drink.

Well. There's the law. There's the reality. There's your responsibility as a parent.
It's not illegal to drink at home after the age of 5. Although it is illegal to buy alcohol for under 18s so not sure how that works itself out. You can have alcohol with a meal from whatever age it is 14? 15? 16? Not sure. Would need to check.

Then there is the reality. Teens are going to get hold of alcohol and drink. They always have. They always will.

Then there's your responsibility as the parent. Keeping them safe. Not enabling them to make terrible choices. Not teaching them that the law doesn't apply to them.

I'd say the best way for a parent to handle it is stay within the law. Introduce responsible drinking from early to mid teens. Don't send them to their mates house with a bottle of tequila. 🤷

I worry about this. I'd love to be the cool parent but giving booze to 15yos or under doesn't sit well with me. Which disappoints my parents of all people who've wanted to give DS a drink since about the age of 3. Seriously.

There's research saying kids who drink underage are more likely to have alcohol problems as grown-ups. 'Young people who start drinking before age 15 are significantly more likely to develop alcohol use disorders as adults than those who wait until after age 18... The NIAAA researchers conclude that prevention programs and public health policies should be targeted at children under age 15 and underage drinking, in general, to try to delay the onset of drinking alcohol as long as possible'. www.verywellmind.com/early-drinking-age-and-the-risk-of-alcoholism-69521

I think most of DS's friends were drinking alcohol with their family around 15. DS himself was very much into health and sport at that age and not interested - then out of the blue announced he was going to be drinking at his friend's 'after-prom' party. At that point I suggested he have the occasional bottle of beer or cider at home to see whether he liked it - and the effect as I was worried he would either make himself extremely ill or look stupid in front of his friends at the party . I admit it never occurred to me to say he couldn't drink at the party .

I have always said to avoid spirits (unless premixed) and to drink those drinks with the lowest alcohol percentage .

Id say a glass at home with a meal at 16, and then 18 onwards you can let go of the control. They may well drink behind your back but I think it’s important to block it as much as possible and make it unacceptable. Loads of the kids at school when I was 14 onwards drank with their parents agreement and honestly lots of them ended up in hospital having their stomach pumped. My parents were strict so yes I lied and drank before 18 but I never would have let myself get to the point many others did because I would have been in big trouble and my parents ‘disappointment’ would have been rough. So honestly, I’m sure they knew at times but their strictness did keep me a LOT safer than my friends with ‘cool’ parents.

My daughter is 16 1/2. If she has her friends round and I know it’s ok with their parents I get them a few drinks in. Same as if she goes to their houses. There is nothing for teens to do around her at night and I wouldn’t like her drinking at the park or something. If she goes to a party I buy her a few cans of wine or something.

Surely we have a duty to educate our children and studies show that there is a higher risk of alcoholism in people who start drinking as young teens. Also drink loosens inhibitions and increases the risk of unprotected sex.

Forbidding is quite a hard thing to do with that age group

YABU because you are basically unable to assess from outside your own experience - you just want to validate what you consider the norm Personally I think 15/16 is about the right age (I was about 15 myself).

The reason it is 18 in the UK is because alcohol is very harmful to the developing brain, and the brain is still developing rapidly at age 15, 16.

I would want my children to wait as long as possible, and ideally not drink much ever. But certainly I would like them to wait until adulthood (I have some adult childrena nd some not yet adult).

Many British people drank young - it was normal when I was at school to drink from age 14+. But it was unhealthy.

The single biggest thing parents can do is model healthy drinking. If you are a drinker, your kids are far more likely to be drinkers.

I don’t want the first time my kids have a drink to be in the pub with their mates on their 18th birthday. Gradual intro to sensible drinking at home seems the right option to me.

I think that making 18 the cut off is dangerous as many go to uni and are going to be more vulnerable as they don't live at home.
I allowed some drinking from 15/16 ish. When they drank at home I didn't always stop them either because it's a safe place to get drunk and if they've never been drunk then they won't understand how it makes them vulnerable or when to slow down so they can get to their bed at the end of the night.

I agree that having an age-related cliff edge is unlikely to be a good thing.

Especially as unless your DC is one of the oldest in their year (and none of their friends have older siblings) then they're going to be able to get hold of alcohol and be at events where it's flowing freely before they are 18.

Relationship with alcohol starts young - by seeing how parents and other adults use it.

I've always majored on the thought that the best way is to find your happy place and stay in it. But that everyone makes mistakes whilst they're finding that out, and it's not the end of the world. But that no-one should be blind drunk in unsafe places, so always, always, always look out for your mates.

Also risks of spirits (when I was a student, spirits were relatively much more expensive, so a bottle was maybe a once-a-term treat) - get them, if you can, to prefer wine, beer or cider, because stomach/bladder capacity is likely to kick in before harmful levels are reached.

My DC had champagne as toasts at weddings, and maybe a drink at Christmas from an age that MN would frown on, but the French probably wouldn't mind. Wine from 16 (which is the age when it's first legal for it to be served to them in public with a meal)

But I think the key isn't the precise age you allow what. It's what you model to your DC and how you communicate

I would want my son to learn about the feeling of being tipsy/drunk in the safety of our home with his parents around. We’re talking once he’s 15/16, having a beer or two when we’re celebrating a birthday, or a glass or two of Prosecco on NYE.
My feeling is that, not all but most, 18 year old’s, will want to go out to a pub or club and get drunk with their friends. I know when I was young I didn’t realise the “delay” in feeling the alcohol, so I’d be finishing my second drink which had not yet caught up with me, and be ordering my third. I’d start to feel drunk while drinking that third drink and order another. The drunkenness I was feeling was likely from the first or second drink, but by the time you feel that, you’ve already consumed more and usually, too much.
I think if teens can have supervised drinks at home before that experience, where an adult is appropriately controlling the kind of alcohol, the amount and the time it’s drank in, they get a feel for it. And therefore are more likely to drink safely on nights out with their mates.

It is completely legal to drink under 18, so I'm not sure why anyone would make their son or daughter to wait until they are aged 18....

We don't drink really, so in order for us to provide alcohol to an e.g. 16yo we would have to go out of our way to buy them alcohol and suggest they drink it, which seems weird. We are vegetarian and would not buy them a steak to try that either.

Some people (like in my family) just don't really drink. Drinkers always seem to think everyone else drinks too, but statistically the number of non-drinkers is increasing.

15/16

My son is 16 and there has been alcohol at parties for about a year. Having said that, he doesn’t like the taste yet…(and doesn’t really like parties).