To ask what age you believe it’s appropriate to drink

[MaryIlover]

I’ve seen quite a few threads on here lately in which it seems the prevailing view is that any drinking under the age of 18 is bad and should not be permitted or facilitated by parents. To be honest I don’t really find this marries up with my own experience. Personally I think it’s the norm or at least quite common to start having parties drinking with your friends at about year 10/11 so that would be around 14-16 and that feels about right. My worry with making my DC wait until 18 is that firstly it would cause resentment if they were being left out of all their friends and secondly by 18 most of her friends would be going out clubbing and much more used or alcohol and therefore DC would end up placing themselves in far more risky situations rather than being thrown in at the deep end. Personally I think 15/16 is about the right age (I was about 15 myself) but to condemn all ‘underage drinking’ just seems really out of touch and unrealistic. Aibu?

I’m not sure teetotal parents do pass it on.. So I wouldn’t assume that.

In European countries where arguably they have a healthier relationship with drinking (less binge drinking) children from a young age (around 12?) would have a glass of wine with dinner if they wanted. So it’s seen as an activity you do with dinner in small amounts. Not something to be hidden away, sneaking shots of vodka in the park..

My son is 16. They are drinking at parties now. I find it really quite difficult to get the balance right. I'd rather he wasn't drinking at all but I also dont want him doing dangerous stuff secretively or being the only one turning up empty handed or not being allowed to go. I talk to the other parents and tend to buy him a four pack of cider to take. I'd really rather not but it's not spirits and it is no more than 4. So far he has come back home fine. It's a tricky one

@Sallyingon you sound exactly the same as us in approach.

I was 15 and my best friends mum figured out we were out on the streets drinking, and made us promise we would never do it again and so would buy us some alcohol to drink at the house at weekends. I am forever grateful to her for that tbh. Kids are going to do what they’re doing to do.

So yeah, I would agree with others and say around 16. On the plus side too, because I was drinking from that age by the time I was 20 I really wasn’t bothered for it anymore.

They aren’t underage though? Over age 5 can drink at home or in a private house and teens are drinking at house parties. They can also quite legally drink with a meal (not spirits) from 16.

Sallyingon that's the approach my dad took and it meant I never had to worry about calling him for a lift home or a get out from any situation where I felt uncomfortable
It's the approach I'll take with DC when they get that age.

I'm a teetotal adult now so it hasn't turned out badly.

That’s position I’m in with my 16 yr old. I do find it tricky. I just keep talking to her.

I drank much younger but glad my kids haven’t really drank before 18, it’s not the done things as much now - not in my area anyway

I always drank from around 13 but often to excess, it was never forbidden in our house but I hung around with people a few years older and they drank more so ended up doing so.

My DS1 had his first drink at 14 but only ever had a can of fruit cider, he wasn't one to go out with friends unless it was an arranged thing such as cinema or bowling so he didn't really drink when we weren't there. He's 16 now and isn't a massive drinker, he will have a few cans but rarely to excess, he's had a couple of times when he has but he works a lot so is relatively sensible. DS2 is 14 and has hardly ever had a drink, he's never been fussed.

With DS1 it not being forbidden means he's not that fussed, with me it just meant I had freedom to drink so I did it lots so I think it's down to the individual, if I had been banned I would have just drank more outside the house,it definitely wouldn't have stopped me. I think most teens drink before they are 18, I don't know anyone in RL who didn't.

Yes my parents allowing me and my friends to drink in our house meant I never had to lie about where I was. I was going to do it anyway. Better under their roof than a park at 2am..

I think you also get a measure for how much makes you ill etc so when you do go off to uni and parties you know how much you can handle (or not). You also learn what agrees with you or not!

I attended a drugs talk at my sons school a couple of years ago and this is the approach they recommended, they said to chat to the other parents and send them along to a party with max of 4 cans of something. It was a really useful talk actually and they were very realistic about it all.

Well the opposite is known to be true (as in seeing drinking a lot is known to be a key factor in teenage drinking behaviour) so I’m merely hoping it works in reverse!

Did for me and DH! (Neither of our parents drink much either)

Maybe not your kids but plenty are as well as drugs. It's not always about the area you live in too.

Their friends don’t either, the younger generation aren’t as interested in alcohol as much as my generation

I don't think this is true at all, I think it must just be your DCs friendship group. When I was younger the only teens who didn't drink at all were the ones who took drugs.

@PeachPies yes maybe. My parents didn’t drink at home - but liked to go out and socialise. I think there’s lots of variables. I’m just wondering about countries in Europe where they have a relaxed attitude to children drinking at mealtimes - there is less binge drinking. Maybe any modelling is good.

I don’t doubt that children who are brought up around binge drinking would maybe copy that behaviour. But my grandmother was teetotal and my Mum still drank as a teenager. My Mum smoked and that put me off completely.
It’s very complex I guess.

I'm in Italy and have never witnessed children being given wine at young ages, but I have seen kids throwing up on the streets at 12 and 13 having necked bottles of vodka nicked from home. Now't new under the sun really.

It might be true that the actual legislation on serving drink to under 18s etc is different but it's not really a done thing, at least not until the kids are 15-16 or so. DD started to have a glass of wine about then.

I remember when I first came here in 1994 and making Italian friends, then in their early 20s- being surprised that they'd go out on a Saturday night and drink Fanta.

What I find frankly repulsive is the idea (seen often on pages like WIWIKAU) of parents giving their university kids a personalised sick bowl as a Fresher's gift like drinking so much you throw up all night is some kind of right of passage and funny. DD might have got pissed and thrown up all night but I'd prefer not to know.

This is so wrong, even if I parent my DC differently to someone else's doesn't mean I would dream of giving alcohol to someone else esp if under 16. Over 16 I wouldn't really be involved in my DCs friendships and what they do so they would manage that themselves. Even when my kids were younger if they were 11 and watching a 12 film I would message the other parents to check first and other parents did the same.

I don't think there's an actual age, I'd be happy to state. For me it depends on my DC maturity level, what they're drinking and the type of event in which they're drinking.
For example, my DSis and I were allowed 1 small glass of cheap fizzy weak wine at Christmas dinner at home with family at around age 8.
1-2 wkd on nye with family, or at family parties at around 12/13.
1-2 wkd or similar at a trusted friends house (as in my parents knew the parents well) if went for a sleepover or party at about age 14/15.
3-4 ciders or similar at a trusted friends house (as in my parents knew the parents well) if went for a sleepover or party at about age 16-18.

I'd be happy to repeat this with my DC if I felt they were mature enough at those ages to be sensible about it. Neither me nor my sister have even been drunk as a result of never been banned from having it as a child, when we turned 18 there wasn't that sudden urge to go out and get smashed that all our friends had.

@FlirtyMelons I agree. There are a lot of drugs taken in clubs still.

This is the experience of my friends too, we all have teens and live in different areas. This generation on the whole are more conscious about drinking etc. Not saying they don’t drink, but certainly not like my day of drinking from age 13 in parks. I do think it might be area dependant too, but in my experience they aren’t as interested in getting trashed in a park

18 if they want to, but there really isn't any need at all.

Lots of evidence to suggest this too if you google it

amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/jul/24/gen-z-for-zero-tolerance-why-british-youth-are-turning-off-booze

I didn't realise you meant getting trashed at 13 in parks. I thought you meant getting to 16/17 & 18. I've been a party animal when younger but I wasn't getting pissed out of my head at 13 every weekend.

I think social media plays a part in the next generation maybe drinking less. You don’t want to end up on instagram (or whatever they use) drunk and being an idiot. Camera phones did not exist when I was a teenager (thank goodness) but nobody wants video evidence of drunken antics.

They are more health conscious. Jobs are harder to get so they seem to knuckle down and study more.

I read an article stating that apparently in Japan the youth not drinking (mainly since the pandemic) is such a problem the government is actually promoting drinking. I guess tax revenue/alcohol is a profitable business etc. I found that fascinating!