To ask what age you believe it’s appropriate to drink

[MaryIlover]

I’ve seen quite a few threads on here lately in which it seems the prevailing view is that any drinking under the age of 18 is bad and should not be permitted or facilitated by parents. To be honest I don’t really find this marries up with my own experience. Personally I think it’s the norm or at least quite common to start having parties drinking with your friends at about year 10/11 so that would be around 14-16 and that feels about right. My worry with making my DC wait until 18 is that firstly it would cause resentment if they were being left out of all their friends and secondly by 18 most of her friends would be going out clubbing and much more used or alcohol and therefore DC would end up placing themselves in far more risky situations rather than being thrown in at the deep end. Personally I think 15/16 is about the right age (I was about 15 myself) but to condemn all ‘underage drinking’ just seems really out of touch and unrealistic. Aibu?

I haven't drank in years. My DC never really drink either. They had some with friends maybe 17-18 when out but neither of them really liked the taste.

The DGC and their friends are very health conscious . They call it poison. Same with smoking. They're 17 and 21. They've occasionally made edibles.

In my case, it seems each generation is less into it. Same with driving. Neither DGC drive nor want to.

If I were a parent, I would allow a 15-16 year old teen to have a small glass of wine or a beer at home when the adults are drinking on special occasion.

I would never tolerate binge drinking and getting so pissed that you don't remember your actions afterwards and you do reckless stuff you'd never do sober.

Basically I'm OK with drinking as long as you stop when you're starting to feel a buzz.

I think you're probably right there. They don't want to end up on sm. Plus it is expensive. Some of the youngsters are into minimalism too.

Different generations!

The not wanting to drive thing is definitely not one I've heard before about the younger generation. I can't see it being a positive in their future careers.

This ^^

I didn't realise you meant getting trashed in a park at 13, I was meaning 15+ having a few social beers really

From 16 is a reasonable age to me. It’s when alcohol appeared more at parties etc although I know particularly DS had drink from 15 onwards. I supplied drink (beer, Smirnoff ice, cider) from 16, before then they’re on their own (parents sometimes messaged to ask if it was ok to give a beer etc from 15/16).

A glass or two of weak shandy or a drop of wine at home with family meals, or a thimbleful of champagne at big social occasions is absolutely fine as far as I'm concerned.

That normalises the whole thing, and they never get the idea that it is some sort of 'forbidden fruit' that they yearn for. So they are probably less likely to drink in secret,, or get hopelessly paralytic on vodka slammers the first time they are out drinking legally.

Dd is 16, we are just back from Spain for the first time on holiday this Summer I bought her a cider or cocktail with a meal. She also went to a house party with her 18yo cousins and I bought them a bottle of vodka and lots of mixer to take.

I try to mitigate the risk rather than ban. So say to my 15 yr old:

• no competitive drinking (eg downing drinks to order or drinking stupid spirits-based cocktails with unknown quantities of alcohol). I say quite clearly that people can die in this way and so it's not an unreasonable ask.
• try to only have one drink an hour (eg one can/bottle of cider) if you're there for the evening
• take a soft drink option from time to time and especially if you're feeling dizzy, sick or sleepy
• don't be the person everyone is talking about afterwards as the most pissed/embarrassing one at the party.

From around 13 in a supervised family setting mine had champagne, wine and cider. Only a little when young, watered down if still wine, by 26 I was pretty relaxed about alcohol

My 13 year old is much more mature and has started having one drink a night once a week with her friends either in my house or one of theirs.

Jesus. Facilitating drinks parties for 13 year olds? This is completely messed up. I'm amazed that there is a social group where all the parents are OK with this.

I'd say 13ish for having a drink at home - not alcopops, but trying a bit of wine or sip of beer with dinner. My friends who had got used to alcohol and "respected it" were always very sensible with drinking, whereas those who'd never been allowed drinks at home were always the ones who ended up taking it too far and ending up with their stomachs pumped!
I think if you ban it, they're only going to find it elsewhere, usually by unsafe and illegal means!

My sil and her husband have teenage boys and lately they are full of all this stuff about letting them get used to drinking at home so they learn to drink responsibly etc.
SIL had strict parents who certainly didn’t allow their kid to drink alcohol as teenagers so her being so sure of herself that her approach is the right one isn’t based on experience.
I don’t comment when she’s giving her speeches about it and telling us about parties she’s thrown where she’s serving alcohol to her ds and his friends (they’re 15/16 and she also lets her 12 yo drink a small glass of beer here and there) but my own opinion is, sometimes it works out ok, sometimes not.
My dm was relaxed about alcohol and had the same attitude as SIL. My younger sister ended up in rehab at 18 for alcoholism. I binge drank when I was younger and got into a awful, dangerous situations. It was a hard habit to break.
So, obviously it didn’t work out very well for us. My parents were separated at the time. and dad is an alcoholic though so I think if there’s any history of addiction or mh problems in the family, you should be extra careful around alcohol with teenagers for obvious reasons.
You also have to look at how much you actually drink yourself - if it’s a healthy reasonable amount then fine but if you actually drink way more units per week than recommended or binge drink, you should be very careful about what attitude/ habits you’re passing on. My sil actually drinks too much herself so that’s why I get alarm bells when I hear her pontificating about “normalising drinking” for teenagers.
I don’t think it’s right to give other peoples kids alcohol or let them drink it in your home unless the parents know and are ok with it.
It’s harder for immature bodies to process it. It’s a depressant. Those should be other considerations.
I think most kids probably will drink anyway or at least experiment with it but personally I think the best thing is to make it as difficult as possible for them when they’re still your responsibility and to make them aware of the dangers. And not to drink very much in their presence.
I don’t think letting them drink in moderation at home necessarily means they won’t binge drink outside the home and I don’t understand the attitude that it’s completely inevitable that drinking alcohol regularly will be part of their adult lives - not everyone drinks and it’s better not to.

The amount they drink when they go out will be far more likely to do with the friends they keep rather then how 'gently' they've been introduced to alcohol by their parents. I had friends who were allowed to drink as much as they liked from about 16, those who were allowed the odd drink from 11/12 onwards and then there was me who had tee total parents and was never given a drink.

We all got equally smashed when we went out.

Yes I agree totally with that.

It depends very much in the social circle they are in. DS16 had zero interest in alcohol until about 6 months ago, and I'm not sure that gently introducing him to beer or wine would have made much difference to how he approaches alcohol.

I had watered down wine from 7-8yo with dinner on special occasions, and from 13yo with every Sunday dinner - although none of that assuaged a blur of hard drinking through the uni years 😁

Although, beyond that I've always been a light drinker.

I didn't facilitate my kids drinking but was t fussed when they drank. Two of them are tea total (one has almost never drank any alcohol at all) and the other two drink socially but rarely get drunk. They started at 16 and 17 so not too early. The two tea totalers were big clubbers at university.

It's pretty normal not to drink these days.

Actually thinking about it, it's almost as important- if not more so - than rather than focusing on limiting alcohol, you encourage them to participate in sports and hobbies.

If they have teams they are part of, or sportiness goals they want to achieve they're less likely to want to mess that up through hangovers and feeling uck.

Have to say I'm actually not that bothered DS16 is experimenting a wee bit with alcohol. So nice for them to be able to socialise and do normal teenager things after ghastly lockdown. Also I drunk a fair bit as a teen and student and have turned out alright and am practically tee total now.

I dont know. We dont drink at all, so it would be strange to buy alcohol just so our children can try it sensibly at home and hopefully not go mad aged 18 as it was a forbidden fruit. Its not forbidden. We just dont drink.

You clearly have never been involved in a cricket team, there is a huge drinking culture there and kids play in adult teams from around 14 years old. DS would definitely be sensible day before matches but after the match not so much.

@FlirtyMelons LOL, no DS is into his rugby. They do some drinking on party nights, but most of them are more concerned about getting PBs for their deadlifts in the gym or whatever to drink heavily.

@rookiemere yep, fitness in club level cricket is not a key concern. The leagues even had to bring in rules about not drinking/smoking on the pitch 🙄

I think 13 is far too young. Ds14 has had the odd sip of ours. Dd17 is allowed one glass of wine or a beer occasionally at home. My parents were pretty lax about it and let me have wine from 13/14 at family gatherings etc without paying too much attention to how much I had.

This is a very good point

Also feeds into the ‘it depends on their circle more than what their parents allow’

My best friends son is 16 and has been playing rugby for years, he doesn’t touch a drop as ‘his body is a temple’