To ask what age you believe it’s appropriate to drink

[MaryIlover]

I’ve seen quite a few threads on here lately in which it seems the prevailing view is that any drinking under the age of 18 is bad and should not be permitted or facilitated by parents. To be honest I don’t really find this marries up with my own experience. Personally I think it’s the norm or at least quite common to start having parties drinking with your friends at about year 10/11 so that would be around 14-16 and that feels about right. My worry with making my DC wait until 18 is that firstly it would cause resentment if they were being left out of all their friends and secondly by 18 most of her friends would be going out clubbing and much more used or alcohol and therefore DC would end up placing themselves in far more risky situations rather than being thrown in at the deep end. Personally I think 15/16 is about the right age (I was about 15 myself) but to condemn all ‘underage drinking’ just seems really out of touch and unrealistic. Aibu?

I’m not really comfortable with the idea of my 14 yo drinking. Half a glass or something on a family occasion, with a meal, maybe. But not a full glass, certainly not more.

I think 15-16 would be ok for a glass or two, but I wouldn’t think more than that at that age.

My dad bought me half a cider at a village fete to celebrate my first pay packet. I was just 15. I’d class my relationship with drink as okay, but I don’t think I’d be quite as laid back with my kids, my dad was a big drinker and died pretty young. He also stuck his finger in a glass of red and then in the mouth of my ebf pfb! I was unimpressed.

Its tricky, my dc14 seems uninterested in alcohol, but several of her peers have arrived home steaming in the last few months. I allow dc12 the odd sip and a shandy on nye, he’ll be one to watch I think.

Just reading all these and feeling so shocked at the introduction of alcohol to kids as young as 13. To give a child and teach them at that age that they need a alcohol drink with their friends on a weekly basis 😳It’s habit forming ! It can be come a social crutch.
as previous posters have said - there is lots of evidence that despite what we all think about gradual introduction to alcohol being better - in young teenagers it can actually have the reverse effect.

Do people have any clue about the effects of alcohol on a developing brain? It’s insane to me to hand a 13 year old a drink. Why on earth would you hand a toxin to a child?
I enjoy a drink but fuck me, there’s no way I’d give my 13/14 year old a drink, there’s nothing cool about that.

I’m sure this will go down well, but here goes tin hat
I’m a child protection social worker and I would certainly have something to say about it if one of the children I was working with was drinking alcohol, particularly if they were under the age of 16, but also if it was regularly under the age of 18. It may not technically be illegal, but that’s irrelevant. It’s the harm it can do to a child’s physical and mental health and the situations that they can put themselves in that they are not mature enough to deal with which are the issues

This was my parents rule. They were happy to buy me some alcohol on the following instruction

• They knew exactly where I was and who I was with
• I had a charged phone with me at all times, and answered any phone calls
• I didn’t drink more than they gave
• I had enough money for a taxi home and used a reputable taxi company
• I didn’t give the alcohol to anyone who’s parents didn’t know where I was

It worked quite well. My mum always checked with friends parents that they were okay with this too. They started doing this between 15 and 16. We never needed to do the whole “nearly dying in a field” thing because we could just go to one of our houses and didn’t need to “hide” it. We were drinking good Pinot Grigio because that’s what our parents had 😂

My parents were very strict about this. I was allowed a drink at home (one drink) very occasionally at about 16.
My friends used to meet up on Friday evenings at the beach and drink together. I was the only person who was never allowed to go. This was from 15.
So by 16/17 I also started lying about staying at friends houses, so I could join in and not be left out. On one occasion we slept in a field. There was another where I got absolutely smashed and my brother covered for me back at home.

I remember my brothers (very bold) best friend telling my parents if they never let me be a teen safely (knowing where I was and me feeling I could come home after drinking with friends) I'd do it unsafely. He was bang on.

Fwiw, I went to the pub with my friends from about 17 (there were some that would serve under age without hesitation), usually go back to a friends house.
I started going clubbing at around 19. Not every weekend, maybe a few times a month.

By 23-ish we had all decided alcohol was boring and we started having games nights instead. Nowadays I'll have maybe 1 unit a month, if that.

I've let mine have ONE beer, ONE cocktail or ONE glass on a special occasion from the age of 14.

As they've got slightly older, ie 16, they can have a couple of drinks.

I want them to get used to the effects of alcohol when they are safe with us.

I grew up having a small wine with a meal occasionally at relatives it was part of our culture, and at home a shandy at Christmas

We gave our child a sip of presecco when he was about 13 he said it was revolting and not had a drop since

Even if he wanted it we may allow a shandy or something like that but he is older now and still doesn't want to drink most people we know have a couple and that is it

So he has not been banned or encouraged either

There's no reason anyone "has" to drink at any age, but obviously it depends on the person, their culture, and their social group. If you know your child is likely to be tempted to drink or overindulge, it's wise to approach the issue head-on, and that may include allowing them to drink at home in moderation, rather than feeding their sense of rebellion. On the other hand, I had no interest in drinking as a teen, and I don't drink now, as an adult. It's not a given that all teens will want to drink ASAP.

It's best to delay drinking for as long as possible for a variety of reasons. You can teach children about alcohol and responsible drinking without their ever having taken a sip.

This.
Dilusional parents who think a glass of wine at 14 takes away the attraction of getting pissed with your friends at 17 or 18. Sorry not the case. Alcohol at 14 or 15 in a controlled family environment has no impact on how you are at 18 to 21 other than creating a taste for it.

And getting pissed at 18 isn't seen as rebellious or tasting forbidden fruit. It's just what teens who want to do it, do. They don't think I'll have another pint with my mates that makes me more confident with the opposite sex because it's really rebellious. And they don't think I'm not having this pint because I had a glass of shandy at 14 and have a really healthy relationship with alcohol.
It's how you are with alcohol and the friends they mix with. If you associate only being able to have fun with alcohol then that will be the biggest influence at any age they try a drink.

I think it's different depending on your child's nature.

Personally for my partner and I we don't drink, and never have any in the house. On occasion my partner will have 1 cider when out. But personally I don't want alcohol to be a societal norm for our family, or to relate it to fun and social activities. As my child hits teens when with friends obvs we wont control them, but hopefully Instill responsible behaviour. But my family is different, we have a lot of addiction and alcoholism. Therefore I am concerned about the genetic predisposition for addictive behaviour. Not one family member has gone through life unscathed from an anxious disposition. Hence why we are trying to avoid it being thought of as a crutch or coping mechanism. If a member of our family managed a healthy relationship with it, we would be a bit more relaxed x

I had my first drink at 12, just one alcopop, my friend's parents let us have one each at her birthday.

DS has just turned 15. I don't think he drinks yet, he's never come home drunk and he and his friends aren't really the type that go to parties, they're into staying home playing computer games and the PS5. Although I don't necessarily always know what he does when I'm not there!

I'd be OK with him having one or two drinks at home soon I think.

My problem at the moment is that other parents are taking it upon themselves to provide it without asking parents. I offer my DS a little at home on special occasions. I wouldn't expect him to be going to gatherings or sleepovers at his friend and those parents choosing to provide it for them without checking first. It should be, I think, my decision jointly with him... not their, imho. It seems to me that too many of them are basing their decisions to do this on pretty uninformed perspectives about kids of this age - they don't work with them in their professional lives and many of them have been pretty conventional in their own youths.. I think they are underestimating how 'good and sensible their own kids are...or are wanting just to be 'down with the kids and mates with them. I do see a lot of issues resulting from alcohol in young people in my work so I'm pretty unhappy that decisions are being taken out of my hands on this. It's one thing, Dc making poor decisions when away from adults, it's another doing this fuelled/facilitates by adults!

I was allowed alcopops from about 14, at home and not much. I think it was reasonable.
Getting drunk should be not before 18 though! I always looked young for my age so I couldn't have got drunk underage very easily

I think most parents would prefer peer pressure didnt exist and their young teens were not socialising with alcohol involved where they might get themselves into tricky situations they cannot handle or might regret. Also for health reasons as alcohol is not good for developing teen brains.

But peer pressure does exist so the answer is as old as you can get away with.

For us, helped by lockdown, ds, the oldest in his year didnt try it out with friends until well into his 16th year and because he was that bit older than the other "cool kids" didnt enjoy the drama that goes with drinking excessively in fields/parks every weekend that happens around here. Instead he would occasionally have a drink at a house party and mostly not to excess.

I think about 16. I went out to pubs at that age (early nineties), didn’t seem to have parties around my way (or at least I wasn’t invited!). My lovely dad would come and pick me up in the car at midnight. With my own kids, my daughter has no interest at 15 and the parties she goes to don’t yet involve alcohol. I would think next year things may change but I will wait and see. I will allow her to have a glass at home but I don’t think she will want to from what I can tell atm. My son is only 12 and there is no way he’ll be having any until he’s at least 16 in my knowledge. 16/17 seems reasonable to me. When I would drink at that age, it was very sedate, a couple of pints or shorts in the pub - we couldn’t afford any more (because we all smoked).