Can't cope with washing clothing

[MonsteraMother]

I'm relatively competent in most areas of life except this one. I cannot fucking get it together to be on top of the washing. I sometimes buy new socks just because I can't face the bloody sock mountain and pairing them all up. I own over 60 pairs of knickers as I only seem to have the time and space in my life to catch up with washing during school holidays.

For context, we have a 4 bed house with a washing machine, a tumble dryer and outside washing line but no utility room - just a small office/box room which is always stuffed to the max with the wash baskets and the sock basket. We also have a cleaner once a week but she doesn't do anything to do with washing.

My excuse is that I work incredibly long hours (7am to 7pm) and have 2 young DC. DH does lots to help too with cooking, dishwasher, all school runs but he is also crap at washing. We have 4 wash baskets and they are all full of washing in various states.

AIBU to ask for your help? Surely at my 'close to menopause age' I should be able to get a grip on this one area of life.

Please give me your tips...

Just put a load on before you go to work, ask your husband to put it in the dryer or do that when you get home, then empty and fold, repeat daily. Can’t you catch up on weekends? It really does only take minutes each if you’re using a washer and dryer. Take a load to the launderette to catch up with it all then make sure by the end of each weekend you’ve caught up.

Yup another vote for scheduling and patterns. Beds get stripped on Saturday morning, towels are washed Monday and so on and so on - boring but it works. I don't know how old your kids are but especially with your working hours I would say you need to accept that laundry and washing is a whole family task.

I do have some advice on socks...

All of the socks for a family member match a distinctive and personal rule
All of the socks can fit in their sock drawer
All other / unclaimed socks are thrown away

My dh and I have different colours, so his are all the same (not black) colour, I have 3 different shades of blue. For school socks the kids have to have black or grey but I get the ones with colours or patterns on the toes and heels, e.g. One son has rather thick grey marl socks with solid colour blocks at the toe and heel, another thin black socks with striped toe and heel.

e.g. camouflage soled school socks

https://www.marksandspencer.com/5pk-cotton-rich-camouflage-socks/p/clp60555901?extid=ps_ps-gpla_ggl_kw_ch__-UK-_-_baussc&gclid=CjwKCAjw5P2aBhAlEiwAAdY7dJjdeNL01V3b-qclrYTWYVwv_7I-E3eq_eXlIUTWI9GQmQk3JyrPWBoCYVIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

This sock belongs to x person should then be quick and easy to tell.

@MonsteraMother I drown Iaundry too. I have a son - now adult - with SN. He's always been heavy in laundry - incontinence clumsiness and when be was younger frquent vomiting due to sensory issues. And very sweaty. At his worst it was often 3 or 4 sets kf clothes a day plus 2 lots of bedding.

Like you and your knickers, a lot of the time I just got more of everything. And that habit has stuck. Even at the moment- I tend to update his clothing in bursts and I have new stuff for him but haven't got rid of the old. But then that's a catch 22 because there's just more laundry piling up!!

My current mission is to reduce things to manageable quantities that I can keep on top of daily.

why do you have so much washing? the answer is each person has a washing basket, when one is full when you get home, stick it in the wash. it doesn't need to be a 3 hour boil wash, quickest possible to get the clothes clean.

do the evening things then while one of you is reading to the DCs the other hangs up the now-finished washing or bungs it in the dryer. Don't just hoik it out into a pile - fold everything - just quarters, don't faff with shop-style folding.

Put clothes away the next day when you collect the dirty laundry.

Nobody needs 60 pairs of knickers. Either bin 40 or put them somewhere in a sealed container with a sachet of lavender. Don't buy more knickers until you're down to 10 pairs. Socks - get those sock pegs and give some to everyone - if socks aren't paired in the washing basket they don't get washed. (alternatively, since i hang my washing in my boiler room: i hang them in pairs, if they aren't a pair they stay hanging up until the pair comes out of the wash. Afer a week or so, if there is no pair it goes in the bin.

I’m sure somebody has already suggested this but there is an app for this. I believe it is literally called laundry and a magic fairy comes along and takes it away for 10 quid a bag and brings it back all folded up and looking beautiful. I wish somebody invented it when my children were little I would’ve used it every week instead of the cleaner

You arent supposed to get on top of washing. Its a perpetual cycle as, even if the washing basket is empty, you will be wearing clothes, using towels and sheets. Think of it more like breathing - the pile is evidence of a life being lived.

I know someone who used to do this for decades and decades - worked well for them. Everything to be washed had to be put out on the landing before you went to bed Saturday and Sunday morning he would scoop it up take it to the laundrette (arriving when it opened and all the machines were free) and load it into 2 3 or 4 or the huge machines simultaneously depending on home much there was and then sit there and read his book. Apparently you should stagger the start times of the machines by 5 minutes so they don't all finish at exactly the same time to make it easier when you're transferring to the dryers.

He'd be back my lunchtime, and found it one of the more pleasant chores and he wasn't even using a service wash.

I am lucky in that I work from home but there are 6 of us in the household. I would put a wash on before work and then after work take it out and put it in the drier, put another wash on in the evening to put in the drier in the morning. Each person needs to have their own ‘clean’ basket next to the tumble drier and each time you empty the drier you fold the clothes up and put them in the relevant baskets (mine are slightly smaller than ikea kallax boxes). I NEVER separate anything - although kids clothes tend to be washed together and adult clothes washed together).

*how much there was sorry

Part of this issue is too many clothes. If you skimmed down to the essentials, and bagged up the rest, the problem will already be reduced significantly. I often bag up stuff I haven't worn in a year and give it away. Skimming down means less builds up in the first place.

Also, get it to a laundrette and pay them to service wash it for you. Then go pick it all up.

I had this when my 5 DS s abd 1 SDS were at home . No wonder ! I used to send one large laundry bag full to the laundrette a week where it was washed dried and folded . Sorted !

I agree with those saying that you've got too many clothes. Sixty pairs of knickers mean you can put off washing for a long time! And the bigger the pile of washing, the harder I find it to motivate myself to do it. But other people seem to love having a huge pile to work their way through.

I still iron some stuff but I find it far harder to do if it's built up to a mountain, whereas a small pile is doable whilst watching TV.

Sockwise, I sort out DD's, DH's and mine into separate piles but it's up to them if they ball them or just shove them in a drawer. DD used to love pairing socks when young, not so much now she's a teen...

I also agree that you're never entirely on top of washing so you just have to accept that unless you all have a nudist day once a month.

This will sound silly, but time it. Time how long it takes to:

• put a washing on
• get a wash out and put it on the line / in the dryer
• sort and put away 1 batch of clothes.

When a task gets out of hand, it can feel like "this will take forever," which makes it feel harder and more stressful. If you actually time each step, you will probably find that each one is less than 5 minutes. Even the putting away step.

Other tips:

• start with the putting away, so that the production line doesn't get held up because there's nowhere to put a wet batch of washed clothes
• when you take things out of the dryer, sort them by person and put them in the correct rooms. Prioritize putting away your own clothes. Your partner can definitely put away his unless you're feeling really generous, and you can encourage the kids to do their own too.
• have less clothes! I couldn't keep on top of 50 pairs of knickers, it would be a nightmare! Less stuff needs less space and less sorting and managing. You will generate the same amount of washing but will be doing the washings in smaller, more manageable batches.

Hello! Agree with alisondonut amazingly less clothes actually means less of a mountain which means it’s easier to face.
Dh has a bout a million shirts and tee shirts which means his wardrobe is always stuffed and overflowing and horrible.
someone suggested a net bag in each room for socks. You Chuck the whole thing in the wash then dry and tip it into their drawer. Also as above black sox for Dh, grey for kids, pink for me.
sympathise, we have same lack of space and it’s a pain. But friend has massive washroom and it all just spreads out more!

IWishICouldDance, does your DH have two changes of clothes everyday?

Honestly, if you run a school you can get your shit together on this surely?

This.

@Topgub is a known goader. They love to be nasty to others on here. This comment showing their lack of understanding and support of totters is no surprise at all.

How many times do you run the washing machine? I think if you think one or a couple of times a week is normal, I think you could change your mindset and run the washing machine and tumble dryer more often, meaning you should accept that you would use more electricity and water. I say this based on my experience. I understand it can be stressful but it's the rigid self standard that makes you feel more stressed.

Cheaper than the pickup drop off washing services or paying the cleaner would be these two items that simplified things a great deal for me, not to mention saving time and stress.

Two hampers with FOUR compartments in total, meaning clothes are sorted from the get go into: darks, colours, whites, and delicates. You simply grab the lot and throw them into the machine.
I’ve had these ones for 13 years and they’re still in great condition and not unsightly at all, I’ve had compliments on them.

www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-water-hyacinth-double-laundry-hamper/p1467234

You may want to try this item heated drying rack below to eliminate the need for folding, just make sure you have enough hangers for tops and trousers, and you can stick them straight in the wardrobe as is!
Rack dries up to 12 items at a time, in about an hour.
You could potentially do all your laundry in a single weekend and be freshly caught up.

www.amazon.co.uk/Dry-Drying-Electric-Clothes-Dryer/dp/B07WJJ5SJ4/ref=sr_1_8?crid=3NQ088PCBUGIF&keywords=black+and+decker+heated+clothes+airer&qid=1667202723&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIzLjk2IiwicXNhIjoiMi45NyIsInFzcCI6IjIuNTAifQ%3D%3D&refinements=p_72%3A419153031&rnid=419152031&sprefix=Black+and+decker+he%2Caps%2C83&sr=8-8

Bedding goes straight into machine after stripping bed in the morning, then tumble dryer (game changer for bedding and towels) and folding and put away again that same day, so there is a nice fresh pile ready for the next stripping. Bedding takes up for too much space in the house.

Get online and order these in one day if you can afford it, it’s worth every single penny. The feeling of satisfaction and relief is what you should visualise and try to feel to powerfully motivate you to BEGIN. Begin anywhere with any small thing. Even one small thing a day to start.

Remember, it is only beginning that is hard, once you’ve started, it’s always so much easier to keep going. Cajole and persuade yourself like you would a small child, kindly and sweetly. Negotiate with yourself cleverly, use real bribery if necessary.

Most importantly, begin in small pieces, don’t look at the whole picture, just do the next right thing, that’s all you need in mind.

People can become incredibly efficient in a short space of time by simply doing one little thing at a time. You just need to give yourself a really good reason or bribe why it’s import to begin. This is part of your self care and you deserve to be well looked after. You can do it very well, you know you can, you have done much more complicated things than this.

Muster all your courage, and go into BATTLE with this. Fight fight fight!!!
You can do it!
You WILL get better at this.

Put a load on every night before bed on the delayed wash so it will finish just before you get up, then hang it out (admittedly I don’t have a tumble dryer). You get the cheap electric that way.
if you have a load of guests or a particular backlog of towels and sheets treat yourself to a service wash at a laundrette and get it all done at once to save your sanity. You can normally collect the following day.

The sock saga

If you wash weekly, that's only 7 pairs for each of you (plus perhaps some extras for sports.)

Unless you all wear the same socks, how is pairing up an issue?
My socks look nothing like DH's or the kids (when they lived here.)

Put them out, when dry, and the kids can find their own.

OR if this is beyond everyone, buy some of those mesh bags for washing delicates.

Everyone puts their socks in a mesh bag and - voila- they all come out in the bag and can be dried.

Is there a laundrette nearby?

If so catch up there and start afresh.

Are your family changing clothes too often?

If so talk to them about it.

One trick that I found handy was to call my children down to our back hall/utility and ask them to take their clothes upstairs.

They learnt to put their clothes away and they needed to know where they had put their sports gear.

My Samsung machine has a 20 minute was at 40 degrees which is perfect for sports gear.
Also a 40 degree 54 minute wash.

Anything longer is not necessary to freshen up clothes IMO.

I hate laundry, always have, so am very mean with it...for the environment, of course 😙.

My children rewear clothes, they certainly are not dumping clothes in the wash baskets willy nilly.

I wouldn't long be telling them if they were.

If you can even throw it on during the week, get it dried, and sort it out together Saturday morning, it would be a plan.

You need to get everyone involved.

Just do it! I put a load on at night before bed. If it's a dry day I hang it out before work. If it's wet I put it in the dryer. Fold it up after work, everyone can take their own clothes and put it away. You do work long hours though so I can see how it's overwhelming. You'll feel so much better if you get on top of it.

I think you need to "just do it".

Don't think about it.

Just get on and do it.

Ps all the people here who are getting on with their washing loathe it just as much as you do.

But sometimes you do just need to get on with things.

Don't think how much you hate it, how unfair it is, how whatever - just do it.