To be devastated about wedding hair...

[Shitshitshitshitshit]

Trying to quickly summarise:

Wanted long hair again for wedding. Asked hairdresser for balayage and then hair extensions were matched to natural hair. The natural hair was too warm for the hair extensions, I went back and hairdresser toned it but didnt do the root melt I asked for, still did not look right.
Went to a different stylist who put a root melt on my hair but added thick bleach stripes to the front when I showed a photo and asked for subtle, lighter 'face framing'pieces at the front.

Had to go back to original hair dresser to have fitted extra pack of extensions she ordered and I paid for (after the original lot were fitted), because she underestimated how thick my natural hair was.

She successfully toned down the bleached stripes at the front for me. Unfortunately this was the day before the wedding due to the multiple fuck ups limiting my time.

Another unfortunately- she told me not to wash my hair that night like I was planning, as the toner might drop out. I said, even though i haven't washed it for several days? She said yes it will style better when dirty anyway.

I followed her instructions and didnt wash it. As a result, the hair was a monumental fuck up the next day, it was too greasy to hold the wavy/hair down style and dry shampoo and texture spray seemed to make it worse. Bridal prep was horrendous chaos anyway and I didnt have time to realise that the only thing that could save it was to quickly wash and dry the natural hair on top. I found myself being rushed to the aisle feeling like utter shit and in an utter panic.
There was only one photo taken of me by a guest and it confirms my suspicions that it looked like a straggly, cheap mess.

I know I wont like any photos taken by the photographer with me in because of the hair.

To top it off, the venue played the music during the ceremony and wedding Breakfast so quietly that no one could hear it at all. Then they brought the wedding cake out really late, by the time most of the children had to go to bed. I had to cut the cake into pieces myself and ask them to bring a stack of plates.

I cant talk about this anymore with my new husband, hes getting really upset realising we wont have any photos of us on our wedding day that dont make me want to cry.

I really feel like I'm grieving horribly.

I definitely prefer the hair on the right... it looks bouncer, healthier and less dull. However the hair on the left is far from a disaster. I was expecting some sort of "birds nest" scenario.

I was ready for it to look absolutely horrific! It looks fine if it looks even quite nice.!!

Why not dress up again and do your hair how you like and get some more pictures taken of you and DH? You have the outfits you just need half an hour or an hour with a photographer plus a location. Really the wedding is about sharing your vows in front of friends and family, it’s really nothing to do with your hair.

😂 Yeah.

I said what I said. Allowing feelings about something that is important to you is totally valid. It doesn’t matter what it is. We all suffer loss in different ways.

I know people will tell you to just get over it OP but I get it. And it’s ok to feel gutted and really upset about an event that cost £1000’s and that (hopefully) you only do once in a lifetime.

In time you will feel better but allow the feelings to be there.

Dry your eyes and get over yourself

Being a spoiled princess to the point of upsetting your new husband is not “valid”.

Okay, I know it sounds completely insane to most people to use the words devastated and grieving. I think it's just the amount of effort put in as prep only for it to go wrong on the day.

Yes I do feel quite traumatised by the last two hours before the ceremony, it was a fewl
I totally get the get a grip comments and not to ruin it for my husband. Thank u

*it was a feeling of pure horror and panic as the months of planning seemed to fail and I was being rushed out the room.

I also get this is AIBU so there will probably be a pile on now 😂

What matters is the marriage, not the wedding, and you are making a choice at the moment to damage that by banging on about your hair.

Obviously you want your first wedding to be nice, but really, come on now.

Get your hair redone the way you want it.

Have photos taken with you and your H.

You're allowed to feel miserable about it all. But don't be my mum, who still grits her teeth about what she allowed the hairdresser to do to her hair 59 years later.

Aww lovely, I’m so sorry you feel this way. Weddings are literally so stressful and I also felt similar after mine. I felt like I had failed after my wedding, it was so strange. I do believe it was post wedding blues mixed with not having much support through the process. Stress makes us fixate on things.
I remember fixating on stuff that is just not important. I now looked back on my wedding day with fondness, just like life, nothing is perfect. I wish you all the best moving through this xxx

I woke up with a MASSIVE cold sore on my wedding day, wasn’t there when I went to bed. Was gutted. Visible on all the photos (pre photoshop) Couldn’t kiss my husband on the day or for the entire honeymoon. I’d swap you for a slight hair issue. 🙄

0h my hair was a disaster too! Over 20 years ago but still haunts me 😂 I’d decided I wanted tight curls. My hair was/is really long so my friend put it in perm curlers the night before 🤦‍♀️

I’d also noticed a problem with the wedding paperwork the night before and convinced myself that the registrar was not going to turn up to the hotel so was already really upset and panicky. Of course when we took the rollers out on the day my hair was about a foot shorter and I only had about 1/2 hour before we needed to leave. There was four of us finger combing through the curls to pull them down a bit, spraying water on it etc etc. i didn’t get time to finish my make up either. We had a great day but I only bought one photo with me in and it’s tucked away in an album never to be seen again!

Your hair looks ok even if you feel it could have looked better. To say you feel like you’re grieving and you’re traumatised is very strong. You can’t help how you feel but you do need perspective because you have none. If it’s really making you feel that way then you probably need to address why you’re so bothered, it’s unhealthy to obsess over your hair or photos so much, especially when they look fine anyway.

Things like this matter until they don’t. Concentrate on your marriage, not your wedding day hair.

Are you enjoying your marriage? Did you marry the right man? Both these questions are more important than how you felt about your hair extensions. I didn't adore my wedding dress to be honest but the moment I made my vows was the best bit. 17 years later none of it matters apart from my marriage.

Your wedding hair looks lovely! Much nicer than the over styled hair dos imo. Congratulations op

53 years later my mother still moans about her miserable bridesmaid. In fairness to my mother, she didnt smile in any of the photos. In fairness to the bridesmaid, my fathers brother broke off their engagement an hour or so before my parents wedding.

Key thing....53 years later they are still together and laugh about it.What matters more.....the wedding or the marriage?

I prefer the more natural look of the wedding hair to the over-styled look of the other photo,

I can’t look at my wedding photos because I really do look hideous in them. You don’t have that problem! I think you need to put it behind you and move on with enjoying married life.

😅

@Shitshitshitshitshit

i get you op

your hair as it is now on the right does look better. Much fuller and more glam and the colour looks better too.

I got married very quickly as I found out my lovely Mum had only a few weeks to live and as we had already lost Dad, it was so important to me that she was there.

She was, wearing a wig as the chemo had robbed her of her beautiful thick hair.

Not once did I hear her complain about it or worry what the photo's were like.

This was 30 years ago and I DH and I are still very happily married and grateful that those we loved were able to be with us.

That's all that matters OP.

I didn’t like my wedding hair. 14 years and many children later, I look back at my photos and all I can see is how young and happy and carefree I looked.

I know you’re upset OP but wake up tomorrow morning with a fresh outlook. You’ve a man you love and you’re married to him. Find joy in that.

You’re entitled to feel how you feel OP, but I wager in a little while, if you start focusing on the good bits about the day, this will just recede into nothing. Your hair didn’t look how you wanted it to look, but it objectively looks lovely. You’ll come to see that in time

I have thick orangey foundation in my wedding photographs, I don't look like me at all. I don't like them very much tbh... I was initially a bit upset as I wanted them to be mazing, but 15 yrs later I don't care much.

Why don't you have some more pics taken in a few weeks in your dress that make you feel happier?