To be devastated about wedding hair...

[Shitshitshitshitshit]

Trying to quickly summarise:

Wanted long hair again for wedding. Asked hairdresser for balayage and then hair extensions were matched to natural hair. The natural hair was too warm for the hair extensions, I went back and hairdresser toned it but didnt do the root melt I asked for, still did not look right.
Went to a different stylist who put a root melt on my hair but added thick bleach stripes to the front when I showed a photo and asked for subtle, lighter 'face framing'pieces at the front.

Had to go back to original hair dresser to have fitted extra pack of extensions she ordered and I paid for (after the original lot were fitted), because she underestimated how thick my natural hair was.

She successfully toned down the bleached stripes at the front for me. Unfortunately this was the day before the wedding due to the multiple fuck ups limiting my time.

Another unfortunately- she told me not to wash my hair that night like I was planning, as the toner might drop out. I said, even though i haven't washed it for several days? She said yes it will style better when dirty anyway.

I followed her instructions and didnt wash it. As a result, the hair was a monumental fuck up the next day, it was too greasy to hold the wavy/hair down style and dry shampoo and texture spray seemed to make it worse. Bridal prep was horrendous chaos anyway and I didnt have time to realise that the only thing that could save it was to quickly wash and dry the natural hair on top. I found myself being rushed to the aisle feeling like utter shit and in an utter panic.
There was only one photo taken of me by a guest and it confirms my suspicions that it looked like a straggly, cheap mess.

I know I wont like any photos taken by the photographer with me in because of the hair.

To top it off, the venue played the music during the ceremony and wedding Breakfast so quietly that no one could hear it at all. Then they brought the wedding cake out really late, by the time most of the children had to go to bed. I had to cut the cake into pieces myself and ask them to bring a stack of plates.

I cant talk about this anymore with my new husband, hes getting really upset realising we wont have any photos of us on our wedding day that dont make me want to cry.

I really feel like I'm grieving horribly.

I’m so sorry for you.

My photographer was too busy watching my guests to remember to take photos and then blamed my mother for not being with me so he couldn’t take photos (of ANYONE?!) even though she stood next to me the whole time!

Your wedding hair looks lovely. Yes it's not the same as you wanted but it's still nice hair

I'm also not quite sure how you managed to have your hair toned but not washed.

You presumably married the man you love, your photos should make you smile because they are a memory of that day. Does it really matter if your hair is wrong?

I quite like your wedding hair.

I still think your hair looks nice in the wedding pic. Tousled and beach like

Have you considered booking a wedding photoshoot at a later date? You get all dressed up again, go to a nice location and get some beautiful shots. I used to work as a photographer's assistant and it is surprisingly common for people to do this for many reasons; terrible weather, hair disasters, unwell on the day, simply didn't want to spend wedding day being photographed, crap original photographer, etc.

This I'm sure you looked much better than you think you did.

I was picturing something hideous from your description, then I saw your photo and can't see anything wrong with your hair at all!

On my wedding day my veil fell off as I reached the end of the aisle, I had a huge zit on my chin, I could barely contain my bust in my dress and it pissed it down when we went outside for photos. It was still the best day of my life!

I was expecting it to look awful!
It really doesn’t, you have lovely hair.

My hair looked great for my wedding day, my dress was lovely, flowers were beautiful, (now Ex)H was a monumental arse within 4 days. Focus on what's really important in life.

I get it, I didn't like how my hair turned out either and it bothered me for months! Sorry you felt shit on the day though, that's not nice

Good news is 6 years on and I'm over the wedding hair now! I'm sure as others have said it didn't look as bad as you think.

Your hair looks nice. You had to ask for plates.
It's not really a traumatising day that you need to grieve over is it?
Why are these minor issues overshadowing your wedding day memories? Is there something else going on, do you regret getting married?

I know you are trying to help but it doesn't.

Perhaps when you feel a b better, get your hair and make up done. Wear your wedding outfits and have a photo shoot

I also had an experience where a hairdresser really f*ed up my hair, not once but twice; leaving it in much worse condition. I was weirdly angry for months - my hair has always been my pride and joy, plus it’s very long and the damage will take years to grow out. Plus it looked streaky, cheap and it cost over £400 (I know, ridiculous).

I got over it, and so will you. It actually looks lovely now it’s grown out. I think you’re probably a bit of a perfectionist like me. Recognise this and let it go. Your hair looks lovely on your wedding day.

I look back now at the disastrous cut and think it looks nice. I think the change feels bigger to us than it really is.

it’s just hair. Smile for your husband and focus on building married life.

Honestly I would put your wedding outfits back on go and get your hair done how you’re happy with it get a photographer and take him to the venue and do them again if you want to there’s no harm in it why shouldn’t you ?

I don’t even think it looks that bad. A chaotic day for sure but it still looks lovely, more natural and less formal wedding!

The day was supposed to be about you getting married to your husband, not about your hair.

Even if you do wish your hair had been different please stop banging on about it to your poor husband.

‘grieving’? wise up

Grieve? For God’s sake.

Yeah.
I know well the pain of bad hair and horrible photos, so not meaning to minimize your distress ..... but many people would kill to have someone who loved and cared about them, and to be married.

I don't think it looks that bad in the photo with the white dress.

I’ve been married 35 years.
Pre wedding I had long hair, told my hairdresser the kind of up style I wanted, she couldn’t do it so she chopped it off to a bloody bob!
I’ve always disliked my wedding photos because in my eyes my hair was too short, we couldn’t afford many, think we have about 12. Never had any on show, although I think it’s now time I did.
Honestly, put it behind you and concentrate on a long and happy marriage with your husband.

On my wedding day ….
….it rained, really rained (for those of you that remember it was when the weather was so bad that Boscastle flooded)
..it was so bad the florist turned up in full waterproofs
…the pub people were meeting at before hand was closed, so my husband got to our wedding venue whilst another wedding was going on (causing much confusion)
..the venue messed the seating plan up, so the tables were all wrong
.. I had had to lose weight to get my dress to fit, and I daren’t eat all day, but i did drink .. ha !

I could go on.. I didn’t have a “perfect day” but I did have the “best day” , 18 years on I just smile about it all.

Haven’t read all the responses but what jumped out at me from your main post was about your husband -

as someone whose husband made a real thing about hating how he looked on our wedding day and thus hated our photos (despite him looking lovely!), I’d really recommend you don’t ruin the wedding photos by saying how much you hate them. It’s really shit to have your memories of the day massively impacted because one person can’t just let go of vanity and enjoy the fact the photos capture the day you got married. I know that can be hard but I’d work on accepting your hair wasn’t as you wished before the photos arrive so you can just look at them and enjoy them for what they are. Don’t ruin them for your husband.

What exactly is so wrong with your normal and natural hair that you felt you had to put yourself through this absolute farce of a performance?

Talk about making a rod for your own back. If you're really that devastated then arrange a photoshoot like others have suggested.

Oh OP. I'm sorry you're so upset. I think you look very pretty - but if you're that upset by it then get your dress cleaned, get hair done again (properly!) And have a photoshoot. Or maybe you can have a chat with your photog and see if they can do some editing touch ups to your hair?

It took me almost a year to look At mh wedding photos after seeing them for the first time and crying!
my make up looked like a clown. I should have wiped it off and did my own make up but I didn’t have time .
my dress wasn’t right . I looked crap. I’m a decent looking woman and on my most important day I looked laughable ! Coco the clown and a updo I wasn’t happy with !!!

I managed to pick out about 5 photos which I liked and I have those up! Until I read your post I had totally forgotten about the whole affair ! You will forget too.

My advice to my friend when she got married and to anyone / don’t do something / wear something / have make up you don’t usually wear !

I should have had another trial because I was unsure after the first trial but after the second I was still unhappy but my I felt I couldn’t request another !!!
So if I ever got married again ( lol!!) I’d do my own hair and make up or i would ensure the trail was exactly what I wanted and then would relax knowing the make up artist and stylist would do it on the day !!!!!

I felt mortified when my SIL posted pictures of me to the family group . She was being kind but I couldn’t even bare to look at myself. When asked , My husband who is extremely sweet said - your make up was striking ( French for - put on with a trowel!)

2 years later I can almost laugh and absolutely no one else cares!!!!!! I’m sure a lot of brides are disappointed.

xxx