To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

What's with the subtle but slight derision towards men I'm picking up from some of these posts? Men aren't the enemy.

Bit odd to focus on tradesmen, though? Do you have to make them go to the back door in case the neighbours see them? 👀

It was OP who raised the issue of being home to let the tradesmen in and I responded to that. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make but it doesn't relate to my post.

I don’t really care if someone chooses to stay at home but. If it’s a permanent arrangement I
Would think that they lack ambition, that there must be some reason -
like they struggle with people or under pressure, and that they are foolish for being financially dependent on someone else.

This crap is why I stay away from AIBU. Occasionally there will be an AIBU thread that looks interesting and starts off well with valid points raised, the trouble is the nastiness that invariably follows.

I'm fully onboard with you, OP. God bless xx

I'll be honest and say I don't understand 'housewives' who stay at home when their children are at free school and nursery places.

The woman who lives over the road, as some sort of housewife, while her husband appears to be a part time plumber, plays her radio loudly all day and shouts outside on her phone in all weather, and is an antisocial nuisance,

Nothing aspirational about that.

That goes for men and women.

Even if you take the savings out of the equation, someone who holds degrees and qualifications and has continous work experience will not go without a job for long.

Try finding yourself in desperate need of income and put "raising kids" "managing a household" on your nonexistant CV and see where that lands you...

You take issue with both me and my husband watching porn, often together? Bit odd to be offended by another couples sex life and very weird to bring it up in this thread. We're into kink too, should I start listing every fetish just in case you want to bring it up?

What consenting adults do in their own bedroom is between themselves.

@SarahShorty is it because I pointed out that people can work around children 😂

it was your bizarre comment about OPs odyssey of self-actualisation, and your unpleasant comment about life admin and letting the tradesman in.

Autumndays123 Those were the days! I remember the photo album organising.

OP If being a housewife works for you and your husband then great. If your aspirations in life were to find someone rich enough for you to give up work for life and lead a lifestyle of leisure then that's ok for you.

I don't think it is very aspirational to have marry a rich man and have him fund my life, and think that sort of role is very different from families who choose to have a SAHP.

Considering I said women can have jobs, no.

You'd spit your teeth out looking at my life then - my husband stays at home with our kids and I go out to work. I imagine you'd be appalled.

I've never had an issue landing work when I've wanted to. I've worked several jobs in the past and it's never been a problem.

Men who have a stay at home wife aren't necessarily perpetuating sexism though, if it's a free choice for all parties involved.

I didn't ask for an insight into your life. Now that I know about it, I don't care anymore more than I did before.

Funny how you don't say anything about the spiteful comments towards SAHM and housewives

Where SAHM has been the subject of discussion on MN, the overwhelming number of posts I've seen have expressed concern at women potentially making themselves very vulnerable due to gaps in their CV, lack of pension contributions, difficulties in re-entering the workforce and partners leaving them high and dry. This is particularly the case when the woman is not married to her partner.

I rarely see anyone making spiteful comments about SAHM per se. But then again, I haven't seen many women admit they never ever wanted to work and have no intention of ever doing so again. For most, SAMH and housewifery tend to be a temporary state of affairs and not a way of life.

The kind of jobs that can support your current lifestyle were anything to happen to your husband tomorrow?

What you do between and within yourselves is irrelevant.

Porn on the other hand involves others drawn into a pernicious industry which in particular harms women. Interested to know which faith/ethical framework you follow that sanctifies marriage and family whilst been down there with the kids on porn.

But lets face it - you are not here for opinions on SAHPs are you?

Well no because if I was working it wouldn't be the same lifestyle would it. I get you're probably asking about money but the whole lifestyle would be radically different so it's not a fair comparison

Gosh, I wish we had the kind of income where that was possible. Sadly I’m the higher earner, so childcare will fall more on my partner than me.

I’ve had a distinguished career already, so would happily step away and become a housewife if my partner started suddenly earning more or we received a surprise big inheritance etc…..

Think it’s various reasons OP, some women are career women and couldn’t imagine it, some women think that paid work should be equally split between partners, some women think we can/should have it all and some like me are just jealous and would love to be able to afford to do this.

Ignore and enjoy the life that fulfils and sustains you.

I really hope your husband has life and disability insurance...

It is though, can you not see that? Why on earth would a man want to go to work all day and be waited on hand a foot by DW in her apron when he gets home? Again, it's not 1950 anymore!

As I said earlier, it's is very very rare that a man or woman purposely seek out a partner with no work ethic. That is because it is not an attractive trait to have. In all honesty, men who want housewives give me the ick. It's all about control, power imbalance and getting your kicks from having such a vulnerable and dependent other half.

For the people who judge "housewives" for apparently lacking ambition, do you also judge people who only work part-time when they could work full-time?

What about those who are satisfied with a very low-level or undemanding job, who never try to further their careers or rise through the ranks? Do you think they're letting themselves down? Letting society or "the Sisterhood" down?

Is it okay to judge people who stay home on benefits when they could actually be working? Is it worse to be supported by a partner or spouse than it is to allow society to support you?