To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

No idea what that's supposed to mean.

If you're thinking we are traditional catholics or something similar, that's not the case. We just both disagree with it for ourselves ideologically - no faith instructs us to do so, but ethically we believe in marriage for life.

As for porn, its possible to consume various kinds of porn including porn made by the content creator themselves, erotica, commissioned handdrawn images just to list a few examples. It's not always the case of an industry sanctioned abuse video.

So did I. Offered every job I wanted. Took seven years out. Then another two later on. Promoted every time. 😱

This! Idk why it's deemed so great to be "ambitious" career wise. My ambition is to be happy and live a life I enjoy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Have to admit, i can’t believe the opinions on here that mums should work, even if they don’t need to financially. I worked full time through my DCs school years, but would have loved to have stayed at home if I could. Ideal scenario is to stay at home til DCs are mid teens, then retrain/return to the work force. Working full time and raising kids is hellish for most people. Something always has to give, ie which makes you feel crap either at your job, or being a mum. No way can someone work full time, raise kids, go to the gym and have nights out with husband (as a previous poster said) without having paid help.

I don't think that's fair. You're basically saying that me choosing to live the life I want is sexist, and to not be sexist, I'd have to live a life I am unhappy with. That doesn't seem very feminist to me.

@AMorningstar so you and your husband both have traditional beliefs and don't agree with working women or divorce but like to view porn and agree with the horrors that are surrounding some women in the porn industry?
So basically you are given money of your husband to be available to let tradesmen in and be available for porn binge watching and kinky sex... you really are living the dream😂
Honestly embarrassed for your life choices and lack of self respect and ambition.
I hope your children have some positive female role models

A low level or part-time job is still a job. Is still being a functional adult and earning your way in life. So not comparable to being a housewife at all.

Being happy to stay on benefits when you could work instead is just as bad (if not worse). Shameful.

Those were things OP actually said. I find it bizarre that someone never intends to work again because they want be at home to do life admin and accept deliveries and let the tradesmen in. You find it bizarre that I comment on it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If that's unpleasant, it can't be any worse than the comments OP has made about people who have to work for a living.

You think that people can't balance work, housework and a social life without paid help? 😂 God only on mumsnet.

I agree with @Autumndays123 TBH

And I wish more people understood that "man with big job and SAHM" isn't just a question of their own personal choice / concern. It maintains the patriarchal society

For as long as some men (with a SAHW) can always work late because they have a wife to pick up the slack, they will continue to see women who leave at 5pm to collect kids from after school.club as less than 100% committed to their careers

IMHO, the best arrangement is both parents working sensible hours, earning the same and sharing responsibility for household tasks

What a load of unsubstantiated bullshit. He doesn't control me, I am not vulnerable. If you're imagining housewives as meek passive creatures with controlling husbands, it's you who's got the issue with internalised sexism and misogynistic stereotypes going on.

Is it okay to judge people who stay home on benefits when they could actually be working? Is it worse to be supported by a partner or spouse than it is to allow society to support you?

They often are supported by benefits even if one spouse is working. The plumber and his girlfriend/wife couldn't manage without top up benefits.

Grey, I think you need to lie down in a dark room, you seem to be very over-invested in the minutiae?

@AMorningstar you insist that you are not vulnerable. Does your husband have life insurance? Disability insurance?

Where have I said we don't agree with working women or divorce? I've said we don't believe in divorce personally and that both of us believe our children benefit from a SAHP. I've not offered an opinion on what anyone else does other than say each to their own. So not sure how you've decided that.

I get to spend all day however I wish. I'd say that's pretty much living the dream. The fact we have an active sex life that we both enjoy is a bonus. Not really sure why you think that's a problem.

It's also pretty rude and disgusting to imply a loving mother and wife is not a good role model for her children. But every single comment you've made has dripped with bitterness so that's not surprising. Grow up.

Did you post about this subject a few months ago, @AMorningstar ?

I'm getting the most massive deja vu. 🫠

Does universal credit allow for housewives if only one parent is working?

I think when everyone has been migrated onto universal credit by 2024 we'll see far fewer of the housewives in the poorer demographic.

I'm a SAHM but with a disabled child so maybe slightly different. Each to their own. As long as you're content with your life it shouldn't matter.

I always dreamed of staying at home with my children before I had them. I couldn't wait to be a mum and wanted to spend as much time with them as I could. Granted not in my circumstances but I'm happy all the same.

Would I love to go to work? Yes if I could find something that was manageable. One day I hope to have some sort of career.

If people just focused on their own journey in life and kept looking forward this wouldn't be an issue. Instead we slow down, constantly look at who's at the side of us and judge others paths in life.

This is massively unfair - why should I have to live a life I don't want to support other womens careers? I don't see how that's feminist at all.

Don't believe I did? I don't use MN much and don't remember posting it.

In that case, I'd do an AS. I could swear there was a near identical thread to this a few months ago. You may have a kindred spirit.

Women should be paid the same as men for the same job. Obviously.

But women who want to be housewives shouldn't have to give up their desires to fix that