To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Amazingly people can reach their own conclusions without having things forced upon them. The divorce thing isn't for religious reasons if thats what youre thinking.

Honestly you are right that work in the home is undervalued. You see it in the extent that those paid to do similar work often earn relatively little (cleaners, childcare, carers for elderly etc).
You are also right that work outside the home can be stressful and in many jobs the expectations and pressure are not a great environment for people to thrive in, particularly when juggling the demands of running a home with young kids.
I think however that many women feel like it’s fundamentally unequal and rather unfair to leave 100% of the responsibility for earning the income needed to live with one person. It heaps all that pressure and stress on just your other half and women who work likely have a better idea how that might feel as they experience that pressure so are more likely to feel strongly about it.
My personal opinion is that as a society we’d likely be healthier and happier overall if the norm was for people to work less hours but I do also think working outside the home either for money or as a volunteer is also good for you.
I think a lot of the resentment and unpleasantness comes from people on either side of the debate feeling judged in what they do. Often someone else stating what they’ve done/why they’ve done it is perceived as criticism that you’ve done something different. A poster earlier saying how women are always wrong no matter what they do has it right.

You’re missing out a huge part of life experience. I experience all that you do too - I do after all carry out domestic chores. But I also have a whole load of other stuff that enriches my life and makes me a rounded person. Hiding away from the world is not a « different way to experience life ». It’s just opting out.

Do you only interact with the outside world through work? If not I can't see why you'd assume being a housewife means hiding. I have more time and freedom to interact with it than someone working anyway

work is one part of my life and a very important part of how I interact with the world and navigate adult life. Same as your husband and most of the rest of society. Very few people grow up aiming never to work like you say you did. It’s does indicate that you are hiding from the world and that you don’t want to grow up.

People seem to massively lack imagination. Not everyone works Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm. Nurses, for example, may work 3 shifts per week including at weekends and tag team childcare with their partner.

Those who are disparaged as “wage slaves” include the teachers who educate our children and the medical staff who care for us when sick. The work force would fall apart if mothers of working age all decided not to work. Equally, I recognise the impact of non working mothers on the voluntary and charitable sector who relies on people like this. We need to stop pitting oursel against each other and that includes starting threads like this. How many men have these debates?!

If I didn't want to grow up, I wouldn't have taken on the responsibility of a husband, household and children, particularly not in my early twenties.

The fact you can't imagine any life path but yours as the correct way to be an adult is incredibly narrow minded

perhaps you come from a conservative community and find it hard to cope with breaking barriers or working. Or maybe you are just young. « Housewife « itself is a strange term to use - havent heard it used for decades

ah So you’re very young. Makes sense. « Housewife » is even more jarring coming from a 20 year old.

don’t bother with silly made up insults.

I'm closer to 30 than 20 now. Perhaps you should take a look at your own posts with that one.

How many men have an ambition never to work but to live off someone else? Perhaps a few but what do other men and women think of them?

I'm from a very average community. I'm not Amish or devout catholic or orthodox Jewish etc.

Gosh nearly 30! Aren’t you old and wise..

Condescension says far more about you than it does me. Should know better at your age but perhaps the decline has set in.

Lol. How would you know what age I am?

I think alot of people see it as a cop out to live off another adult and spend your day cleaning and meeting friends for coffee.

I was a SAHM for a while and had people treat me like I was basically a bit thick or lacked ambition. It's at odds with our work centred culture. I also had others who were just plain old jealous.

Meh. Who cares. You do you.

Given you haven't heard a term used for decades and you think 20s is very young, I'm quite confident you're at least 30 years older than I am.

I agree we have a work centred culture

Very few end up properly protected with their national insurance contributions and a private pension paid. It leaves women vulnerable long term. Many on here also find out about cheating and have big career gaps which makes it harder to get a job.

I have boys but I wouldn't want them taking on that amount of stress ontopbof a job. It's the emotional, financial burden and can be significant.

It doesn't matter how old OP is, MsPincher. The fact is, you sound deeply unpleasant, mocking and, dare I say it, a bully.

I've been a house wife for a while now. Also worked and ran a business . Hubby works nights and I run our home it works for us and I love my life . Any negativity I've had seems to stem from jealousy.

MsPincher · Today 00:25
You’re missing out a huge part of life experience. I experience all that you do too - I do after all carry out domestic chores. But I also have a whole load of other stuff that enriches my life and makes me a rounded person. Hiding away from the world is not a « different way to experience life ». It’s just opting out.

You don't sound well rounded, quite the opposite 😴

I find the accusation that anyone who is negative or critical of SAHMs “jealous” really interesting. Do you really think that women who have their own career and life would be jealous of women staying at home and living off someone else’s money?

@GoodnightGentleBoris ah. Living off someone else's money. Right. Because SAHMs do bugger all at home, right?

What about those who are stuck in the childcare cost vs low wage conundrum staying at home?

What about team work where one partner works and the other does everything at home?

Your contempt for SAHPs is foul.

Hi OP. I'm not sure how long you've been in MN, but if you post anything with 'SAHM' or, in this case, 'housewife' in the title, it is like a clarion call going out to certain posters who are literally beside themselves the very concept. Please do bear in mind, some people on here may have mental health issues or not be neuro-typical. It's worth remembering. Certain posters are on every thread about SAHMs, sure as day turns to night, and it's 100% about them, not you or anyone else They use MN as a kind of therapy. Only extremely insecure / sad / angry people could be so over-invested in lifestyles that are not theirs. Don't worry about it in the least and don't take anything remotely personally. Also, don't rise to the bait (because this is exactly what they want).