To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

I think it's realistic. Too many people try to be everything to everyone and spread themselves too thin. I'd rather do fewer tasks but do them well than do many and risk not putting my all into it

Thé type of men who want a partner who is a « housewife » are not the type of men who are looking for an equal respectful relationship with a woman. They are not who I would want to marry. I also wouldn’t be interested in marrying someone who wanted to live off me - I can’t imagine anything worse.

i think what’s triggering so many women on this thread is op has such sexist regressive ideas. Can you imagine a man coming on mn saying he always dreamed of never having a job and relaxing at home while his female partner supported him financially. What would we say to that?

@AMorningstar

You appear to be moaning about people not allowing others to be difficile saying everyone should be like you.

I think football is a terrible sport and tell people that often.

@AMorningstar

Sounds like a you problem.

How am I sexist - I've never said all women should be housewives.

My husband isn't sexist either - he sees me as equal to him and doesn't treat me as lesser because im a housewife. If your husbands respect comes from your job, what sort of men are you marrying?!

Horses for courses - you know what you’re capable of I guess.

I have never said all women should be like me. I've simply said people shoulsnt be arseholes about others prioritising different things to them

Couldn't you turn one of your hobbies into something paid? If your paintings are any good you could sell them or arrange for them to be submitted into a local exhibition.

Sorry, I don't know if you wanted suggestions.

@AMorningstar

But you've been an arsehole on this thread and seem to think that's OK.

Being an arsehole is subjective any way.

Disagreement does not an arsehole make

OP came looking for an argument and got one. Hope you’re feeling suitably victimised and martyred now.

How is it awful? I would not want dds to spend their lives doing domestic chores or never having a job. that’s a huge part of life they’ve missed out on. Of course I would be disappointed at that. It’s one thing to take a few years off work with young kids, quite another just to never work and live off other people your whole life.

We are talking about « housewives » on this thread not sahm I should remind you. Not necessarily any children around at all.

I do exhibit and have sold paintings. But I don't want to turn it into a business because the pressure of having to fulfil orders would suck the joy out of it. I paint for myself, if anyone likes my work they're welcome to buy it but I don't want to ruin my love of art by commercialising it

By the way, who are these people looking down on ‘wage slaves’?

Those wage slaves pay you to stay at home and be a superior nurturer. Unless of course you really do have a high earning, net contributor partner.

I have a friend who is a SAHP. It was not an easy choice but one he made for the good of his family. They have two children a 2 year old and a 6 year old. His wife had a serious mental health crisis and so to give his children a feeling of stability and his wife extra support he gave up work. He is now his wife’s carer though he hopes that once their youngest starts school he will be able to get something part time.

Not every man who stays at home is a cocklodger.

I did the same back to people who were rude to me. I'd never just say something negative to women who work the way people did here about housewives.

What is there to disagree with? Not your life, not your business.

@AMorningstar

Youd never...

But you did.

Because you were 'provoked'. Allegedly.

And on a micro level not your life not your business is true.

On a macro level our choices impact others

You’ve said sexist things throughout. Even your claim that you always wanted to be a « housewife » shows that you likely had a very conservative upbringing with strict sexist gender roles. I think you might find though that your husband agrees with divorce if it suits him!

i couldn’t really have respect for a man if his aim in life was to do housework and live off me. Nor in real life do most men with wives like that see them as equals.

I think it might be helpful if we stopped viewing it as 2 separate identities: working mums and stay at home mums.

In reality most mothers have their children later these days and have a job before they have DC. And most take some time out of the workplace when they become mothers. Some take 6 months or a year. Some might take 5 to 10 years, or until their youngest goes to school.

Some might change their working patterns or drop days to go part-time. They might change their job so they can WFH or have a less demanding role.

They might return to full-time work at some point in the future. Some men also choose to do these things.

It's usually not possible to raise a family on one salary these days. The stereotypical housewife who leaves education and never works for the rest of her life is very unusual these days, outside of WAG type wealth. Even they tend to earn money as "influencers" and such.

If we see that we are all the same - just mothers trying to balance earning and child rearing , maybe the discussion could be less confrontational.

No one has to live their life in a way they don't like for "society"

@AMorningstar nope

No one has to keep their opinions to themselves because you're insecure

🤷‍♀️

Specifically what was sexist?

And you're wrong about my upbringing. My parents were very liberal in a lot of ways and I was never forced to do certain things due to being a girl, or banned from others. I was never told or taught that it was my duty to marry and have kids or anything like that. In fact I grew up being more of a tomboy for many years. Maybe don't assume?

It's amazing how complete strangers think they know my husband.

The insecure ones are those complaining other women's choices make the environment more hostile for them. Tough shit

I don’t think having a job at at least some point in your life leads to « burnout » or « intense pressure ». It’s just life. most people work - if you never work in your life you don’t experience real life.

it’s like being a lifelong child - going from having a « daddy » to a husband.

There are multiple ways to experience life. To suggest yours is the only way is arrogant.

Right - so a liberal upbringing where you wanted to be a housewife all your life since a little girl. And you don’t « believe « in divorce. Yeah right