To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Your question is a bit... out of touch with current ways of working. Who is going to sit there counting hours? If the same job needs you to work towards a deadline for a report, problem or something, will they pay you more if you stay later? No. You'd just be expected to get it done. Many people on 6 figures work like this. It's all very flexible.

I think if you have a different attitude to men not working than women than you don’t really value housewives/husbands. On mn there are often these types of provocative posts on « why does everyone hate sahms ». Yet if you asked about men who don’t work they are cocklodgers and layabouts. Why don’t we value men who don’t work if it’s such a great thing?

That’s a huge shame then. They can be educated and have good careers and still choose to be SAHMs. It’s not a failure. How awful that a perfectly good life choice would make their mum unhappy.

@MsPincher

The housewives paradox!

You’re saying most people who work six figures don’t have contracted hours and don’t have set times to be in work?

Who’s counting hours - I imagine your boss 🤣

Horseshit. You either don’t work full time or you get paid for full time work and skive a lot.

Tbf I work in the city but with home working I could pick my kids up most days. They go to after school club though as they like it and their friends go.

I've never called a man a cocklodger or anything of the sort. Perhaps its the same people as the ones insulting housewives?

Most highly paid people are on salaries rather than hourly pay, yip. You can certainly work full time and go out to pick up the kids (I actually think Covid has really changed the culture on this in my industry).

Each to their own, hats off to SAHM and same to those juggling everything whilst earning a crust. I've done both, so can relate to both sides, each having struggles and positives. OP I was inclined to agree with you at the start but now you are just coming across as smug and condescending. Bravo to you for this amazing catch of a husband you have and for not having to or choose to work. In reference to your post maybe the bitchy mentality stems from people like you lapping up how great a choice you made and all these discussions you've had with your fantastic husband and how the rest of us should have done that instead of marrying dickheads who then failed on their share of responsibilities hence we've had to work to provide better for our kids? What planet do you live on where you can set out all these rules and expectations in a partner and think those plans can never be broken? Hence a lot of women do like to prepare for a rainy day. It's called being realistic and ensuring your kids have security.

This. OP is so very defensive about her choices it’s laughable.

And as to OP’s previous comment about whether a career keeps you warm in bed at night - some people are lucky enough to have a husband to keep them warm as well as a career!

Life is risky. Every choice taken carries risks. Having children is risky and a massive gamble in itself. Shall we all go round demeaning women who make the foolish choice to put themselves in a vulnerable position by having children in the first place? If you don’t ever have a relationship, never get married and never have kids, then, hey presto, you don’t have to worry about divorce statistics or men leaving you holding the baby.

No. Asking people to stop being arseholes is not asking for validation

Someone lifting a comment i made about me watching porn, on a thread about porn, and commenting it here is somehow my fault?

Again, no such thing. You just sound incredible bitter. I'm sorry your life sucks I guess

You’re saying most people who work six figures don’t have contracted hours and don’t have set times to be in work?

It wouldn't surprise me. I don't earn that much, but then I do consider myself part time these days, just on a full time salary. I don't have contracted hours or set times, just projects. I'm efficient so it's only a few hours a day. The rest I just laze around or walk the dogs. I definitely don't call it housewifing.

Tbh I didn't realise at first that op was so young. I would just call that the sahp trap where she hasn't got back into the flow of work yet after having kids. It's easy to lose confidence and hide for a while. I'm sure she'll re-focus in a few years. Meanwhile if it boosts esteem to think it's a valuable job, it isn't hurting anyone.

Calling you out on a lie-OP never said that.

You’re right - unless you have children, you don’t need to worry about being a good role model!
Being happy is clearly paramount, but I want them to see that they can have it all - excellent career opportunities and a fulfilling family life. It can be a juggle but it’s achievable.

@AMorningstar

Is this where you claim you've been provoked into also coming across like an arsehole?

No one has to respect or agree with or even be nice about your life choices

There’s a lot more of them though. Very few mn have anything good to say about men who don’t work and live off their partner. Yet lots of posters claim sahm (although not so much » housewives ») are spectacular and that they are responsible for their dhs six figure salary as they facilitate him to work. But if the roles were reversed the men would be lazy and useless.

i dont think anyone has to work but how do we generally think of people who don’t? Why are « housewives » any different?

I don't want my kids to think they can "have it all" - that often comes with intense pressure, perfectionism, imposter syndrome and leads to mental burnout and collapse. I don't want my kids exhausting themselves for an unrealistic model.

No one has to respect yours either. But I don't see why people would choose to be disrespectful just for the sake of it. Seems childish

You'd have to ask those people - i have no issue with stay at home dads/husbands.

Wow…so bitter, I think you protest too much.

@AMorningstar

But its not just for the sake of it, is it?

You invited opinion. Youve got them

We have contracted hours, but it's a formality. Spread over a period, we all work enough. We are mainly judged by our performance. That matter more than presenteeism. Also, my manager has 4 kids of his own, so guess who else is on the school run on Wednesdays and Fridays 🙂.

Anyway, enjoy your outdated pov. It doesn't affect me but it's been enlightening.

That sounds a little defeatist.
I’ve not collapsed from burnout yet…
Working as a good team with my DH helps, as well as knowing what needs to be “perfect “
and what doesn’t.

I don't get why youd be disrespectful to someone else for prioritising different things in their life is what i meant. I don't like football, but I wouldn't be rude to someone if I found they were a football fan.