To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

So, your husband can have it all with a job? That's great for him, but it seems like you believe working mothers might not be able to achieve the same?

And re the quoted post, people should absolutely be able to find purpose in whatever job they have. If we are here arguing that being a SAHP has purpose, well that'd be due to the many requirements of the role. Fulfilling that role gives a SAHP purpose. It's like, a job. (Their only job?) Except maybe those in employment can find purpose in that role, as well as their parental role, and also in their hobbies and interests. It's entirely possible that many people who are working out of necessity find purpose in putting food in their cupboards and keeping their kids warm. Just saying😐

I find it remarkable that you seem to view work only through the prism of the capitalist corporate world. And to assume that everyone hates their job in some way. Or that it precludes being there for the kids. We both work full time but are both senior enough to dictate where, how and when we work. We always make sure someone is at home. We always make sure the kids are collected from school and engaged with on return. We work around them. Neither of us works for corporate entities. We do jobs that are valued by society. Which ultimately means they aren’t paid in six figures but are rewarded well.

I think ultimately how you see the world at your age is different to how you see it as you get older. As my kids head towards secondary I will never regret working. The experiences they have had which have been made possible by that work have broadened their outlook and illustrated what is possible. You and your DH are on the same page at the moment. Wonderful. But you may change and grow and see things different etc. and that’s ok. At the very very least he should set up and pay into a pension for you. And if he won’t then I’d be asking why.

But couples in a really good partnership support each other, not sit there simmering with resentment thinking ‘but she has MORE than me’ like children. You might find it unfair but lots of other people don’t.

Any SAHMs I’ve ever known have supportive partners who were more than happy to ’bankroll’ their wives. Having a clean home and not worrying about the kids, and a non-stressed wife is worth it to them. It’s not a very good marriage if you can’t be happy for one another.

Its not lazy to want a simple life based around family and home. It's not less worthy than a flashy career either.

Here you are again with the strange stereotypes- “constantly busy”, “chasing achievements”, “socialising”, “exhausting”. You do realise the vast diversity in jobs/ types of work out there? One of my friend’s job is to sit at home in his pjs playing internet poker!

It’s definitely a coincidence.

You literally said you tire easy, don't cope well with pressure and would be exhausted having to work. So you don't work, never intend to work despite being in your 20s, rely on your father and husband to provide for you and do things instead such as making sure you're "well rested" (quote) and you're still denying that is not laziness?

Careful OP, your pettiness is showing a bit. You started out all 'why can't people be nicer' and have totally lost the high ground with your bitter responses.

Quite honestly, if you're happy with your choices, why do you even care what other people think? You will never get universal approval, none of us do.

But you seem to be spending a lot of time and energy trying to convince everyone that your life is perfect and we must all just be jealous....

OP, would you class yourself as a feminist and a good role model for young girls? Do you see yourself and your role as equal to your husband and his role?

Did you have any higher qualifications/ training that you put to one side when deciding to be a housewife? Or, was being a housewife something you aspired to (hoped for) as a traditional ideal?

I think it’s great you have time to do things you enjoy such as reading and painting, however- do you ever feel you should contribute to the greater good of people beyond your nuclear family?

@DWMoosmum

I was a sahm and DH never ever made me feel like I was relying on him or loafing off him! What on this earth could be more important than looking after the baby you brought into this world!
I would have left any man who even hinted as much, and would strongly urge DD to swerve any man who wanted their own child raised in a nursery by bored pressured youngesters rather than their own wife's arm's and theirs!
Even relaying the day, whose going to tell you more and plug you in? The nursery handover or the actual mum.
Inwoud run a mile from any man who didn't value what his wife , partner does and I would run a mile the other way from someone who demanded the mum stay at home.
It's a partnership but looking after your own DC is not bloody loafing. It's gruelling work with no lunch break!

Caveat...if they had the choice..

But couples in a really good partnership support each other, not sit there simmering with resentment thinking ‘but she has MORE than me’ like children. You might find it unfair but lots of other people don’t.

Its only ever the partner who is vastly benefiting from the unevenness who ever says this.

This isn’t being petty over a free hour or two, this is OP bragging about having SO much free time, so much time for hobbies, so much time to relax.

Seems crazy to me that OP is implying women who work have no time to do anything, NEVER see their kids Monday to Friday, have no hobbies or social lives, are exhausted 24/7 and yet is happy for this to be her husband’s life because she doesn’t want to ever work.

I didn't mention jealousy at all until someone implied my husband must be having an affair because he mentioned the sanctity of marriage is important to him. That particular comment was very bitter.

I've also only been rude to people who've insulted me and my husband. These people did that unprovoked.

Dog sitter I can never understand that argument, re qualifications being wasted.

Would your level of education not benefit your own DC??

No, its not laziness. Different people are suited to different things, different people enjoy different things. Some people are more homebodies than others. That doesn't make us lazy if we choose to embrace that. Secondly there's nothing fundamentally noble about working anyway

My dd is already highly educated and if she had DC and stayed at home it's wonderful to think she would pass that onto the DC?

Quite simply I'm afraid for the vast majority of relationships, full time SAHMs lose agency & power in their lack of earning.

That's not good for women, and that's why I would not want it for my daughter.

I want her to be empowered and unfortunately in our society that generally means having money / earning.

OP, I think you need to Google the definition of lazy. Here's a hint:

lazy

adjective

unwilling to work or use energy.

Similar:
idle
indolent
slothful
work-shy
shiftless
loafing
inactive
inert
sluggish
lethargic
languorous
listless
torpid
enervated
slow-moving

Depends. I'd class myself as a feminist in that I believe all women should have the right to make their own choices and should be treated equally to men.

Yes, I do have a degree, but I have always wanted to be a housewife and mother anyway.

Yes - hence I do voluntary work in the local community at times, donate to food banks and attempt to help others where I can. I dont believe I need to be in paid work to do that

To be honest I only ever see it on social media not in real life. I don’t work. My kids are mid teens so I’m not really a stay at home mum as such any more I’ve never hear anything negative (well not to my face). It’s nobody else’s business really.

The role of housewife contributes to inequality.

It's not about the individual but no one ever seems to see that in these discussions, it always becomes about the person.

Actually, you've made several petty comments generally about people wasting their lives in cubicles etc.
Various implications that we're capitalist robots with no time for self fulfilment or other implications.

Again, why do you care if other people don't approve of your lifestyle? If you're happy - as you claim to be - then just carry on and ignore people who disapprove.

None of that is me though. You seem to think that housewives do absolutely nothing, which as someone else said is more indicative of your lack of imagination.

Why are you so bitter? Every comment drips with it

So now we have moved onto how some jobs are better than others. Now we have the different levels of worthiness. Nice nice.

I'd also add I wouldn't want my son to finance his partner like this either. Carrying the load be it mental, emotional and in this instance financial is just too much for one person. Burn out is a very real phenomenon.