To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

What about yours?"
I don't know, I only see her on the weekends"

Unless they're home schooled your children only see you on evenings and weekends, too.

@BiscuitLover3678 I paint, do photography, hike, read and do gardening.
I volunteer for a local charity and work and still manage my share of domestic shit.
I like to be busy .

Of course children care

i benefitted a lot seeing my mum work, she is, was and always will be a role model for me.

Its no coincidence every single child I knew growing up who had a SAHM hasn’t achieved much in life

Most people aren't around at 3pm to pick up their kids.

Yep! Nuts isn’t it.

@zinfren I did school runs, pick ups, all school activities and was there for bed time and weekends.
You are wrong

Unfortunately, whilst it's also of course necessity, it's become rather mindless to just automatically work when you have a baby now.

Rather like Christmas , I do what my mum did , one stocking from Santa 🎅.

For people to step back and reflect and think about things seems harder to do. I don't know why?
Nurseries are not questioned until one day you notice something went wrong, no one wonders what actually goes on all day and if it's really somewhere you want your child all day.

If you could choose.

Many people don't know the first thing about eyfs and how it operates. There is no handbook when you become a parent, and drawing on our personal experiences is sometimes all we have to go on.

We also get sucked into what everyone else is doing, like having large range rovers on hire purchase, hot water taps, hair dresser etc.

I'm not surprised COVID was a shock to many parent's! They probably have not for one reason or another had to actually care for their own DC ,day in and day out!
It's possible to outsource from 3 month's old!

Define "achieved much". Are you defining that in terms of a sparkling career? Because not everyone wants that. Perhaps kids of SAHP value more holistic priorities?

Anyway my husband had a SAHD and has a pretty lucrative career as well as a decent degree. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tbh I’d not consider a nursery worker a ‘respectable’ career

so it’s a bit of an odd example

nursery workers are low skilled and low paid.

What about your husband?
Personally I think it is a completely unfair partnership for one to work full time to financially support the entire family alone while the other brags about having SO MUCH time for their hobbies and is so well rested doing what they please all day every day.

Tbf, they're both foetuses. I had initially thought they were a 40 something couple who'd been through the trenches together for 20 years or so.

They're in their late 20s, OP checked out of work permanently 5 years ago and her dad paid for the deposit on their house. I'm not surprised hubby is so hospitable to OP's work/life imbalance at the moment - he's probably still riding high on the fumes of his in-laws paying for a home for him at an age where most young people are navigating precarious rental markets.

😂 wow

Im so done with this thread. I’ve been a working mum and I’ve been a sahm and I have friends that are both. I can you now that they are both tough and shit but also positive in their own way. The fact women on here are judging women so harshly for this is downright depressing. I’m done!

Many nursery workers have quite intense qualifications actually and know a great deal about all sorts of aspects of child rearing.

I don't consider someone who spends their time caring for and nurturing children to be low skilled. All work is skilled, and quality childcare is far more valuable than some highly paid pointless middle management positions. A lot of truly valuable work that society relies on is horrendously underpaid. I think your comment is classist

OMG 🤣 is this the kind of thing you think young children talk about?! Have you ever met any young children?

Also, I’ll play ball and pretend these conversations do happen - what exactly is embarrassing about it? If one child said “My mum is a magician who pulls light bulbs out her vagina” I’d agree with you but what’s embarrassing about looking after a home? Don’t you ever clean your home?

Also any child who said this is the product of a total cockwomble human, and will no doubt turn into a cockwomble themselves.

Surely you're being deliberately obtuse now OP? You don't understand why someone would view a woman without a job and who is exclusively financed by her husband as a kept woman? You also think not working and relying wholly on your DH financially is no different to working as a nursery worker looking after children. What?

For me, I hate being a working mum.
Mornings are hectic getting me and toddler ready to leave on time, I’m late to work every single day anyway, work is busy and stressful, evenings are spent recovering from the work day and weekends are spent trying to catch up on a weeks worth (or more) of housework.
We can’t afford a cleaner and, the house is so messy atm, I wouldn’t even want to let a cleaner in.

For me, the dream is to work part time. I can’t yet because I’m still in training but I’ll definitely look at it in a few years, especially when our daughter reaches school age.
I loved not working while on maternity leave, but the lack of making my own money really got to me, and I got so sick of cleaning up the same messes over and over again. I couldn’t be a SAHM for years, I’d find it too isolating as well.

He knows I never intend to work and he doesn't particularly want me to either so it's not just because he's got a wealthy father in law or whatever you're suggesting.

I think it shows how some only value work if there's a capitalist element to it rather than the work itself.

He knows I never intend to work and he doesn't particularly want me to either so it's not just because he's got a wealthy father in law or whatever you're suggesting

I'm suggesting that you're both still very young and people can and do change their minds as they get older.

But many are

i think part of this boils down to you having very odd and out of date views on work

you've said before you wouldn’t like a ‘man shouting at you’

mentioned not being around to pick up your kids

I work full time, my boss (male or female) has never shouted at me, I’m here for every pick up and drop off, every school play, every sports day, I’m taking care of them for every sick day (well half as DH does half of them since we take it in turns)

Im not burnt out to the point where I can’t listen to their day either as another poster has mentioned.

I earn good money, as does DH, we are snr enough to be able to manage our own time and that includes managing around our kids.

I don’t know many working women who are so worn out by the time they get home they’re not an ‘active’ parent

I want my daughter to be financially independent and aspire to more in life than to be a SAHM/housewife.

System, young children don't really notice though do they.
You could be a sahm and then work when they can actually see you doing it. .
I've got a huge mix in my circle and one child hood friend had a nanny and barely saw her DM , their main time was dinner out on a Friday .

They had horses and stuff and lots of bonuses having business mum except her time. She lost all anyway and wasn't their for her DC so what was the point?
Children are not a novelty and caring for them is gruelling and extremely hard hard work for much of the time..
As with everything balance is the key,if your circumstances allow that.

That's for both mums and dads/capitalism. Sorry though, once they are at nursery upwards it's about prestige. It doesn't take them long to work it out.

OP was your own mum a housewife?