To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Okay but that was about working for pleasure rather than necessity.

Well according to @AMorningstar they are well rested.
So not actually running around at all.

I'd actually highly recommend lazing around with nothing much to do, but I wouldn't call it housewifing - just own it. I mostly do it these days, I call it semi-retired. It's great.

Forgive me for not getting everything, you’ve posted 95 times….

OP is only in her 20s and doesn't plan on returning to work. I'm not sure she can quite get away with semi retired yet.

@ArcticSkewer and I applaud you for that.
It's when people try and justify it as being so so hard that I just think 🙄

And let me simplify it for you - a ‘good reason’ is she doesn’t want to and her DH is happy to be sole earner. A woman’s value is not defined by her job title. I know on MN we all have to be self flaggelating martyrs who never put their own happiness first but in the real world, most people do what suits them and it’s really fucking weird that anyone has anything to say about that but ‘meh’.

Not to mention kids are off school what 13 weeks of the year? Most workplaces give 4 weeks holiday. Meaning, if both parents took leave separately and never all went on holiday together, that’s at least 3 weeks of the year where you have to find childcare to work and it’s really not worth the hassle.

But hey if you ever go for Ruler of The World I’ll be sure to vote for you because I’d just LOVE to live in a judgmental black and white world where every woman who doesn’t work is automatically lazy and children should be embarrassed by their parents for taking care of them 😂

Child 3 : my mum is on hand to get me through childhood? Cover sickness, keep the ship running,have loads of time to spend with me?
There for every moment?

Obviously that's harder to justify as they get older but it's still a calmer life isn't it!

I was a sahm and work now.
I find trying to work out who will take the DC to endless hospital appointments ( and ours is a good half hour away) stressful, sickness, all the other appts.

I'm tired after work.
I'm not " well rested" to be able to take on DC issue's from their day straight away.
I need to rest as well!

Of course if I had a lovely calm day myself, keeping on top of things etc I would be able to devote my myself to the DC after school.

There is nothing wrong on paper of the traditional roles, one person concentrates on bringing money in, the other concentrates on keeping the home running smoothly, and covers all children issue's.

I won't be devestaed if DC want to stay at home!
Enjoy their DC whilst young, brilliant. .my DC are well educated and they will pass that onto their DC.

However, in this day and age I would be strongly urging them to cover themselves financially, be on mortgage, have pensions, separate money etc.

Maybe for you, if you lack the imagination to appreciate that a life fully lived can, indeed, include not receiving a salary. Writing, volunteering, befriending, contemplation, prayer, reading, daydreaming, listening, making a home.....all these things are precious, and increasingly rare in our money driven crazy world.

Just think how many mumsnetters described themselves as "broken" by being at home with their own children during lockdown. The market has driven some women so very far from their inner sanctum, the home, that the thought of actually basing your life around "home" is seen as some sort of moral failure.

I would resign tonight (despite an immensely rewarding and necessary job) if I could afford to, and all our children are at school and university.

I don't think I've ever said it's so hard. In fact I've stated I enjoy it, I acknowledge its a privilege and that I value my freedom and time and am grateful to my husband...

It's weird you place so much value on labour actually. You get one life - you should be living it for yourself and how to maximise enjoyment, not throwing it away for capitalistic purposes.

What about your husband?
Personally I think it is a completely unfair partnership for one to work full time to financially support the entire family alone while the other brags about having SO MUCH time for their hobbies and is so well rested doing what they please all day every day.
I understand why it benefits the family before children are in school but imo it’s selfish to your partner to not respect them by putting your own leisure time above anything they want to do.

Im sure you’ll just say your partner loves to work but I really don’t buy that. Plenty of people love their jobs, don’t get me wrong, but who would love having to do all the work while the other ‘partner’ just has a free week over and over. Cleaning, ‘life admin’ and picking the kids up from school in the afternoon is not an equal contribution to a full time job.

A more respectful scenario would be picking up some hours so your partner can drop a day to be with his kids too.

I find it really sad that people can't imagine what you could do at home all day. For one you're nor exactly shackled to it and two like you say it lacks imagination. There are so many ways to fulfil yourself outside of paid work.

I’m also surprised that adults living in the world have never come across anybody who maybe didn’t have perfect cookie cutter circumstances in their life and believe there’s ‘never any reason’ not to work when your kids go to school. I could make up 100 reasons right now of not unlikely situations. Do you now speak to many other people generally?

Yep. My husband thinks the same re people identifying with their work, and he works. But he has loads of hobbies and interests and would be able to easily fill his days if he didn't. It's really sad when people can't imo.

@GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok but people do that and work.
And please give over with " make a home"
We all "make a home" some of us manage that and work .

@LeChat0 but people do that and work.

I find it a little sad that people are so obsessed with work that they would be embarrassed to know someone who chose to do other things with their life. I feel sorry for all these daughters. But hey ho.

I've actually offered to do this - I've offered to work part time or even for us just to have a bit less money and asked him to drop a day, but he doesn't want that. He doesn't particularly like work but he would rather be the one to do it. His choice. I'm happy with it and so is he.

Children really don't give a toss about mummy's career, they just want their mummy. Until some well -meaning person (often, but not always, a teacher) starts to instil a protestant work ethic, and oppress women by linking their innate value to their place in a hierarchy of paid labour. How about, my mummy's a doctor/teacher, and she spends all day looking after other people's children? Mmm....🙄

Different levels of it. You can’t have as many hobbies can you? What about volunteering - is that allowed?

I can’t imagine anyone as up to their chops in fulfilment as the OP claims would feel compelled to start a thread and a bunfight on Mumsnet on a Sunday night. 🤷‍♀️

But you can do more of it if you don't work.

I've always found it weird that if I said I'm a nursery worker, looking after other people's kids, that's respectable. If I say I'm a housewife and I look after my own kids, I'm a handmaiden, a misogynist, a kept woman etc etc. Weird that