To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

What we should do is to fight for more support so that women can choose to SAH, and make it easier to return to work after, not spending time judging other people's life choices.

I don't think any of us have a duty to live our lives in ways that make us unhappy actually.

I have to work for my sanity. We could afford for me to be a housewife and I earn enough through some investments to pay my way but I would be incredibly bored and restless. No hate, we are all just wired differently. My pension and ability to build wealth in my own name are massive benefits to working over volunteering.

Conversely, I would probably be "devastated" if my children bought into the idea that paid employment is the meaning of life and they couldn't manage to find fulfillment and affirmation by any other means. And children of SAHPs don't necessarily experience a lack of socialisation; that completely depends on their lifestyle and also what kind of childcare it's being compared to.

The issue of money and independence is a separate thing. I would be worried about my child if they were totally financially dependent on a partner and did not have the protection of marriage. Likewise if they were married but still for whatever reason financially vulnerable in the event of divorce (due to limited household income etc). But there is no moral consideration in the decision to be in paid employment or not.

ISNT something to be alarmed by.

Bloody autocarrot

I don’t have children but when I read posts about SAHM’s, I feel jealousy they don’t have to work 😂
I don’t post anything negative though.

The OP does sound as though they are in airy fairy land. Just like my SIL. Her husband didn’t want her to work. She was more than happy to stay at home, spend the family money etc.

Unfortunately he decided she got boring, couldn’t understand the pressure he was under at work. So it was bye bye SIL….

Ah so it’s fine to be a SAHM but when your youngest goes to school if you don’t immediately work full time you’re embarrassing and lazy, right?

Just trying to understand the parameters here

Define "traditional relationship"?

A marriage with a male breadwinner and a female stay at home parent or wife. Again there is nothing wrong with NOT conducting your relationship this way.

Neither do I.

And having been in the workplace for over two decades I’m amazed at what absolute simpleton men are in high paying jobs. And how few intelligent and hard working women still can’t break the glass ceiling.

However I feel that’s an entirely seperate conversation to “should women be housewives”.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet you hit the parameters with that last comment.
Once children have gone to school it is embarrassing and lazy

It's not overly complicated but I'll try break it down for you a bit more.

I understand that in the early years of life in can be beneficial for a parent to stay home because of the costs of childcare etc. I also understand that as the children are at home all day, the parent is kept busy.

Once the children start full-time school, yes the parent should absolutely get back to work. There's no reason why an able bodied person should be sitting at home all day watching judge Judy, organising the family photo albums and setting out her husband's clothes for the week so he doesn't have to stress himself by opening his own drawers.

I can try other ways to explain it to you if you want but I'm not really sure how much more I can simplify it.

I think choosing to be a housewife (that is beyond being a SAHM for a period of time) is a huge gamble. It's placing your financial security 100% in the hands of your husband. None of us know what the future will bring and you simply can't assume you'll be happily married for life.

It's your choice and I wouldn't be horrible to you about it, but I think a lot of the negative response is to do with placing yourself in such a vulnerable position that takes away your options and independence.

Nailed it 😜Kids being ashamed of their mother for staying at home to raise them, well...probably influenced by the same type of vitriol and projection at work on this thread.

It's obviously not kind to say the kinds of things you mention in your opening post OP.

I have seen posts warning about the need to know you're financially secure, which are coming from a place of concern and are often from people who've felt the sharp end of being out of work for years. Those posts I think are fair enough.

To me, it boils down to this: If it was so great being at home with lots of free time, more men would do it wouldn't they.

Thaaaaank you.

So much misogyny on this page. So what if it bores you. It’s not all about you.

And calling housewife’s lazy?? Because house work and caring is nothing. It’s not respected is it? Which is something these same women claim is an issue.So many posters on here say they would quit their job in a heartbeat if they became millionaires overnight. But if a women chooses to spend her time not doing paid work then she is lazy and an embarrassment.

If you can't think of other things to do with your time than watch Judge Judy ans organise photo albums, that says far more about you than any housewife. People who don't have an identity or hobbies outside of their career are quite sad.

@GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok because once they are in school it is embarrassing.
"What does your mum do"
" housework "
"My mum does that but also works and my father helps as well."
" well that's what she does. She doesn't work"
Embarrassing

umm I think we can all see from mumsnet that a lot of men do if they can 😂😂😂

FGS have you heard yourself? You’re blaming a woman being a SAHM for her husband leaving and say it will happen to OP?

What happened to make you so bitter?

"What does your mum do?"
"Many things! She paints, she reads, she goes on trips. She's always happy and well rested, she spends loads of time with us. She's there to pick us up every evening and takes us to wonderful places after school. What about yours?"
"I don't know, I only see her on the weekends"

I have plenty of hobbies AND I manage to do them whilst working full-time and getting the housework done. Oh and of course letting tradespeople in 😉.

You live in the clouds OP. You have demonstrated a clear lack of critical thinking skills and ability to be a responsible adult by totally dismissing needing financial security or a plan B in the event of divorce because your husband's told you he 'doesnt believe in infidelity or divorce', so it will never happen.

Wow!!! You've adopted a heroic position, I suppose, but torturing another human being rather than lay out some clothes for the person you love?