To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Do you realistically expect women to do what is not in the best interest of them and their children for the sake of the greater good and gender pay gap? Sounds to me like women having to bear the brunt themselves rather than lobbying anyone who has power to make the change?

And if that’s not what you mean, are you actually blaming SAHMs for the gender pay gap? Who do you think needs to sort the problem out? Why are you angry at women about this?

Agree with this entirely

And if my Aunty had a dick she’d be my uncle. What’s your point? Why are you randomly speculating on the faithfulness of a man you’ve never met.

OP: people are rude about SAHMS

Everyone: no they're not, also btw SAHMs have no self respect also I'd be embarrassed, simply MORTIFIED, to even be related to one.

Never change, mumsnet!

Absolutely.

And let’s face it it frees up jobs and opportunities for others, the same way as it does when people retire. People are complaining furiously about something they will never, ever be affected by.

Which kind of proves the OP’s whole point!

He can, but it helps him get ready quicker in the morning. I choose to do it, he doesn't need me to! As I iron his shirt the night before work it makes sense I move it to the dressing room for him

I'm 26, he's 35

But true sisterhood is respecting other women’s choices, isn’t it?
Whether you agree with those choices or not.
Empower women to choose. Not denigrate them for their choice.

So if your mum decided, when you were too small to even know what work was, that the best course of action was to stay at home and care for you, you’d later decide that was embarrassing and she’s lazy?

I cannot ever say a SAHP is lazy. Caring all day for babies and toddlers is hard fucking work, when I was on maternity leave I don’t think I ever sat down for more than 30 seconds at a time. Lazy my arse.

My mum worked but if she hadn’t I wouldn’t be embarrassed because I value my mum, and the hard work she’d put in, for SO MUCH more than why her job title was. And If I had been a SAHM I’d be mortified if I raised my children to be arseholes who thought I was lazy and didn’t value my choice to be with them as much as possible.

Im sorry for you that you can’t do the same.

PS if you think there’s dignity in being a MLM distributor you have bigger problems than getting angry about strangers life choices.

Right. But if people choose to live that lifestyle, what automatically makes it wrong? It sounds like you're basically saying that other people should change their lives or want different things just because your daughter does?

It’s people judging women for every choice. I personally see more judgement for working mothers that sahp irl. Personally I think that we should make the best choice for ourselves but also that shrinking options and relying on another person for living, esp when not married is short sighted-I would never say it out loud though.

An unpopular opinion but I think it’s absolutely fine for women to choose what’s best for them rather than be on a crusade to be a role model.

Anyway if you are happy as you are OP as a housewife why bother with the thread? Does it matter what people think.

Me and my husband are in our (late) twenties also. I don't iron his shirts though, he does that himself. But yes some younger folks are housewives and or have more traditional relationships.

I also don’t think the PP who lays out her DH’s clothes (which seemed to have some MNers bringing out the smelling salts) is something to be especially alarmed by. I wouldn’t do that for my DH if he paid me but the beauty of life is we are all different, rights?

So do I. I'm going to choose what's best for me and mine rather than sacrificing myself atop the altar of someone's else's perceived morality.

You will note that I've said quite a few times I have no issue with parents who take time away from their careers to raise very young children. If you're going to start venting at me for my opinions, please ensure your perception is accurate.

You’re picking the wrong bad guy though.

Shared parental leave is a thing though it has very low take up. But it’s there, it was fought for and it can be used by those who want to use it.

I understand you’re angry - I am too. But our enemy is not SAHMs. And surely a part of it is having choice - not just cramming everyone into the workplace? It’s having the choice to afford the life that suits you and your family?

Oh God you are only in your twenties. Just save up. Save every penny. Keep it separate. Keep it safe. Don't put your inheritance into family money. Always have an escape plan.
Then enjoy your housewifing.

My DH irons all my clothes. Every single one. Hope your eyes aren’t hurting from all the wide-ness