To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Says more about you and your relationship than me and mine.

I don’t like to jump to the conclusion of “they’re only jealous” because it’s childish and a wee bit sexist, but I honestly can’t think why else someone would be so angry about you choosing to stay at home. It’s really odd to call someone’s lifestyle ridiculous.

@FlamencoDance

Im fairly certain my DC didn’t miss out on anything!! My DH working away ensured we had everything we needed and the house ran smoothly, so when DH came home Friday teatime he could spend the entire weekend with us as a family. I don’t think society ‘normalised’ our situation - just that my DH had a superb job offer and after a family discussion, we decided that me and DC would remain at the family home and school and DH would leave early on a Monday morning, returning around teatime Fridays.
As I said, nobody judged us and we didn’t judge anyone else🤷‍♀️

Happier than yours from the sound of it. 👍

Same. Ive refrained from doing so until now but "your husband must be having an affair because he's stated he believes in the sanctity of marriage" is so unbelievably bitter that I can't see any other reason.

In what way?

Nope, that's not what happened.

It's your thread, do what you want. But you're the one who wanted everyone to have this conversation and to know what you're choosing to tell. Actually, from the cliched woman-denigrating in one of your first posts on the thread, I had a feeling about where you were heading and goodness me, I was right.

If anyone's pissed off about how other women live, it appears to me to be you.

Why do posters always think women who don't want to be housewives are somehow jealous? I would never, ever, ever be a housewife. I'd be embarrassed to tell people. I used to have an aunt who was a housewife and my cousin's never told their friends as they too were embarrassed of her.

I do understand women who want to take time out to raise very young children, but once they are in school, there is absolutely no reason why they can't return to work.

There is not a job on this earth that I would rather be a housewife than do. Not one

That's exactly what happened. I haven't denigrated anyone either and I've repeatedly said people should be able to choose how to live.

Why do posters always think women who don't want to be housewives are somehow jealous?

Can you think of any other reason thai thread has sparked such nasty and bitter comments? I can’t

I would never, ever, ever be a housewife. I'd be embarrassed to tell people. I used to have an aunt who was a housewife and my cousin's never told their friends as they too were embarrassed of her.

You’d be EMBARRASSED 🤣🤣 maybe if I was a prostitution I’d keep it quiet but a housewife. Are your cousins dicks? They sound like dicks. It seems she was a SAHM and probably did everything for them and they were embarrassed? I’d be embarrassed by my cousins being such judgmental wankers.

I don't assume people who aren't one are jealous. I didn't even assume anyone on this thread was until some quite vindictive comments were levelled at my husband - that's what makes people look bitter and jealous. Not saying "it's not for me".

The posts are all there, including the woman-denigrating ones (along with complaints about how women aren't nice to each other, not like the amazing men who all get on so beautifully), and we can see them.

I hope this thread gives you what you need.

It’s also SO fucking rude to call someone’s completely harmless life choice embarrassing.

I’m not a SAHM or housewife BTW, until recently I was FT and now I’m SE, so I have no skin in this game but I do think rudeness should be called out.

I do understand women who want to take time out to raise very young children, but once they are in school, there is absolutely no reason why they can't return to work

Maybe because they don’t want to?

Seems like a good reason to me.

I didn't say that but more that if he were given the opportunity he might be tempted.

A hypothetical question - if most men and most women were happy to do things this way, what would be the problem?

I fully agree no one should be forced. A woman who wants to work should have the same opportunities as a man and a man should be able to stay home if he wants to. But if everyone were in a meritocracy, and it ended up with the majority of women and men choosing this set up - why would that be an issue?

Please point out where I've denigrated women.

What a poor view you have of human beings.

There is not a job on this earth that I would rather be a housewife than do. Not one

A torture master in a Gulag?

PA to Boris Johnson?

a sewerage worker?

An MLM distributor?

Yep, if I won the lottery tomorrow and decided it was enough to not need to work, would people really judge me for that?

If someone doesn't need to work and chooses not to, what exactly is the problem? There are aspirations and ways to value yourself that don't revolve around the labour market...

There are aspirations and ways to value yourself that don't revolve around the labour market

Precisely.

Probably. At least I'd retain some pride and dignity instead of being my DHs handmaiden. Scroll back to the first few pages and read the post from the housewife who pays her husband's clothes out for him for the mornings.

And yes, I would absolutely find having a parent as a housewife/husband embarrassing and would not want to share that information. Why would I want to admit that a parent is long term unemployed and lazy?

*lays