To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes

[AMorningstar]

Not just on MN. I don't even use MN that often but I see this on other social media websites too. If a woman shares something positive about being a housewife it's full of comments about how "being controlled by a man, couldn't be me!" "No thanks, I love my independence" or "just wait until he leaves you, then what". If a woman shares something negative about it its "see, this is why being a housewife is TERRIBLE" (yet no one would say "this is why having a career is terrible!" If a person was complaining about their job)

I saw someone earlier say they'd be devastated if their daughter wanted to be a SAHM.

Why does it provoke such vitriol? Other women choosing this doesn't force anyone else to, I don't get the complete lack of respect for people's decisions and lack of understanding that different people enjoy different things.

Lol, would be nice! There aren't that many housewives about anymore despite what some posters seem to think.

Are you a troll? Like fair play if you can't be arsed to work (although you are putting yourself in a financially precarious position as anything can happen at any time... illness/death/divorce) but you can't justify not getting a job in case you get an Amazon delivery. That's mental. I'm absolutely lolling.

You seem to be dancing around my comments with insults instead of adding anything valuable.

Of course you are vulnerable. You have not suggested anywhere that you are financially independent and therefore you rely on your husband for all money! So you are actually entirely dependent on him financially, are you not?

You're statistically more likely to divorce than not divorce and you're doing your children a disservice by putting their whole financial security in the hands of one parent. What happens if he leaves you? What happens if he passed away unexpectedly? What happens if he has a long term illness or injury and can't work? You've left yourself in a position where you won't be able to step up for your children (or yourself) financially.

@AMorningstar good role model.
That's the most hilarious thing you have wrote.😂😂

I think these kinds of statements are what rile people though - your last bit just seems like an unnecessary dig. I spend money on whatever I fancy, and we've never once had a financial disagreement - I'm the more money-savvy one, so I sort all the financial stuff anyway. My husband isn't under financial strain, because his job isn't particularly stressful and his wage more than covers our lifestyle. We live fairly modestly and we're not very materialistic, so by some people's standards we probably seem like we're hard up, but we have plenty left over at the end of each money that's saved/invested in each of our names equally. I am well-qualified, and I am studying for a second bachelor's degree in the evenings. I am happy, fulfilled, and I really do love my life. I can honestly say that all working would do would give us more money we don't need, less time with my child, and less time to pursue hobbies and education. But yet I just know someone on here will be itching to tell me "but what about XYZ, don't you feel this, don't you wish that".

If I replied to a working mum on here who was explaining how happy she was by saying "don't you wish you had more time with your children" or some other tripe, I'd rightfully be called out. Because it's bloody rude! I don't understand why people are desperate to put a dampener on other people's choices. If someone is a happy working mum then good for them, that's fabulous. If someone is a happy SAHM then that's also brilliant. Why is there a need to make sly digs about other people's situations if it's working well for them?!

@AMorningstar what happens if your husband gets hit by a bus tomorrow? What's the financial plan for such a scenario?

And also you say you are opposed to divorce - does that mean you'll stand by him if he cheats? If he develops a drug addiction?

try "written""🙄

@DozyFox because it honestly not hard work.
If somebody says I stay at home all day and don't earn my own money because I can't be arsed and like being in a financially vulnerable position. Then I would have total respect for that choice.
It's when it wrapped up as being o so hard.
It really isn't!

Insults have been added by you.

Neither he nor I believe in divorce for us personally, and should he be unable to work, I can. I'm not incapable of doing so. I question the validity and strength of the marriages of those who make plans for divorce "just in case". I didn't marry with the intent of an exit and neither did he but that's because we take marriage seriously.

Anyway I have equal access to every single asset, bank account and property.

RE what happens if husband dies tomorrow - well I'd be devastated of course, but between the life insurance and death insurance, I'd be set up for a very long time 🤷‍♀️ surely everyone has life insurance, we had to get it to take out our mortgage.

Why not step away from the doom-mongering? I find it incomprehensible that you are continuously referencing sudden death and tragedy in an attempt to goad OP into justifying her choices if faced by a sudden bereavement.

Ugh. Life insurance and death in service, that should have said!

Neither of us believe in infidelity either. In fact he has a very strong revulsion towards anyone who's ever engaged in it. We are both monogamous. Drug addictions are mental health issues of course I wouldn't leave him if that happened.

Obviously if he got hit by a bus I would have to change our entire lifestyle

Thank you for this post. I feel the same.

If you don't base your life choices by weighing things up and thinking about things that could happen (EG divorce) then perhaps a severe lack of critical thinking skills, organisational skills and ability to forward plan are the actual reasons why you've decided not to work again?

Apart from children are young/not at school, there's not enough work from being a housewife these days, as such i view it as a lazy choice.

In days gone by the cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry etc took far far longer than it does today. My grandmother used to tell me about walking 45 mins each way to shops twice a week and it took hours going round several small shops. She sewed and knitted most of their clothes herself, darned socks, sewed buttons & hems. Laundry took ages, there was no hoover and cleaning products were less effective so hard scrubbing was required.

There's simply far less time & labour involved to manage a home now, so people wanting be a housewife are a bit workshy in my book. Sorry.

Or perhaps I don't have a string of failed relationships and I choose my marriage partner wisely? What a concept.

Don't believe in infidelity? 😂 I didn't realise that was a thing. Do some couples actually sit down and discuss their active belief in infidelity?

No they don't unless you can't work due to ill health/disabilities or you child is under three but obviously only get UC for two kids now. They are very pushy about getting people to work.

Yes, couples discuss important issues like views on monogamy, whether each party wants children and how many, what sort of lifestyle is wanted...its part of communicating your wants and desires and seeing if the other person is compatible. If you aren't doing that I see why you're worried about marriages failing.

Surely if the couple decided not to be monogamous though, there would be no infidelity?

Depends. I'm not polyamorous but I have friends who are and there are still boundaries about extra marital relations and breach of these can be considered infidelity. I'm not sure how it works as it's not something I've ever been interested in.

I was a SAHM for 10 years, raising DC and running the home, decorating and doing school runs. It enabled my DH to work away from home to give us a better life.
I loved every bloody minute of it!
When DC started Senior school, I went back to work.
Nobody judged me, and I didn’t judge the Mums who worked.

I don't think I've been nasty. I've pointed out some other posters have though