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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want my housemate’s girlfriend to pay for basically living in our house?

226 replies

summerclocks · 30/10/2022 14:05

I live in a shared house with 3 other people. One of them has got a new girlfriend who basically lives in our house now. They have been together for about two months and she spends at least 5-6 days a week in our house.

We really didn’t have an issue with this but she’s starting to become a problem. The house has 3 allocated parking spaces for the 3 people in our house with cars. She always parks in whatever space is empty when she comes around, not just her boyfriend’s but also mine or my other housemates. I work until late and it’s very annoying to have to come home to fight for my parking space. When none of our spaces are available she takes up our neighbours! We have asked her to stop but she doesn’t.

She is very careless with her use of water and electricity when she’s around. She works from home so when her bf is out she’ll stay here all day like it’s her house, has up to 2 baths a day and usually uses the oven for meals and leaves all lights on. She does all her washing here and even has friends over when her bf is not around like this is her house.

We have a smart meter and have definitely seen an increase in our electricity and gas use since she started living here. It is very frustrating that she’s almost moved in and having all this for free.

I am just exhausted of having to put up with someone that doesn’t even live here or even contributes to this house yet causes all of our problems!

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 31/10/2022 14:58

5128gap · 30/10/2022 19:50

You're focusing on the wrong person here. This woman has no rights and no responsibilities. She could spend every waking hour there, use it as her postal address and use every utlity in the place, she still has no rights and no responsibilities, as she is a guest not a tenant.
You need to raise your issues with the person who does, her BF.
Hating her and thinking up ways to make her unwelcome is avoiding rocking the boat with the person you should be challenging. She might be cheeky, but she owes you nothing. The guy you share with does.
He is allowing his guest to cause a nuisance and rip you off and expecting you to put up with it to facilitate his sex life. Who knows what he's told her about what she is welcome to do/ use? If you're annoyed by her, you should be furious with him.

100%. She may be a CF, but he's the one who you (and the landlord) entered into an arrangement with. Tell him you do not want to give with his girlfriend, and it's not ok for him to force you into a position where you have no choice. If he wants to live with her he can find somewhere else for the two of them. In the meantime, he is to take back her key if she has one, he needs to take responsibility for making sure she leaves the house when he does, he needs to tell her to stop bringing her washing round and parking in your spaces or upsetting your neighbours by parking in theirs. If he doesn't agree he can move out. If he won't move out, get the landlord involved.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/10/2022 14:59

Talk to landlord. Say a fifth person has moved in /there 5/6 days a week

talk to bf. Your friend. Who I assume you got on well with as living with them

do you want her to move in. If so split 5 ways

if you don’t then don’t suggest split but say they go and find a new place

where does she live. Why doesn’t bf stay at hers

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 31/10/2022 15:02

Call a meeting with your housemates (all of them) and basically state that as girlfriend has moved in, the bills and rent need to be split more equally. And if boyfriend-housemate doesn't agree, then a schedule needs to be laid down - starting off with your girlfriend can't stay here when you're not in.

I get you might not want to do this, but the softly softly approach isn't working. You need to be very clear about how this is going to work else you'll just seethe and be unhappy in your own home.

danblack87 · 31/10/2022 15:13

I think it is very reasonable that you are annoyed as all the other comments above. She is not registered to the address so parcels should not be delivered there in her name. Also, as she not registered there, there is the question of council tax 'evasion'. I am assuming, maybe wrongly, that she lives with her parents who would have her added onto the number of people occupying the home ??? She is only legally allowed to stay at someone else's property 3 times a week. Therefore, she needs to be added to the electoral role at the address and pay towards the council tax. As for working from home, she is 'not working from home' and, therefore should be contributing towards the gas, electric and water. He needs to find a place with her?/she needs to leave and #stay 3 nights a week.

PollyAmour · 31/10/2022 15:16

Stop being so passive - it's time to get aggressive! Tell this cheeky fucker to piss off out of your flat, she's not on the tenancy and has no right to be there. If she's sneaking around avoiding you, be sneaky right back. Close the front door loudly as if you've left the premises, then confront her when she appears.

Therealjudgejudy · 31/10/2022 15:46

Absolutely contact your landlord.

I wouldn't put up with this for another single day

Dentistlakes · 31/10/2022 16:12

She needs to go. I wouldn’t try and negotiate splitting bills etc as you’ll never get rid of her and she’ll continue to take the piss. You didn’t sign the lease on the agreement of sharing with 3 other people. There are 3 bedrooms, 3 parking spaces etc . If they want to live together they need to move out and get their own place.

balalake · 31/10/2022 16:20

You live with four other people. All of whom should pay their share. Talk to the boyfriend and make the payment of the share, be it from him or her, non-negotiable.

Or the girlfriend leaves.

PlentyOFool · 31/10/2022 17:58

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 31/10/2022 15:02

Call a meeting with your housemates (all of them) and basically state that as girlfriend has moved in, the bills and rent need to be split more equally. And if boyfriend-housemate doesn't agree, then a schedule needs to be laid down - starting off with your girlfriend can't stay here when you're not in.

I get you might not want to do this, but the softly softly approach isn't working. You need to be very clear about how this is going to work else you'll just seethe and be unhappy in your own home.

The fuck I'd be doing that. I'd be calling a meeting alright, and telling them to either fuck off back to her place, or find a place to live together as she is no longer welcome in your house and if they don't comply, you will be informing the landlord that your flatmate is breaking his tenancy agreement

Ylvamoon · 31/10/2022 18:01

@summerclocks - have you any update?

Cactusmad · 31/10/2022 18:17

Has she actually got a place to live or gone from paying for a flat to staying at yours for free?

Salome61 · 31/10/2022 18:53

I remember this situation when I was 23 where my flatmate invited her friend to stay and to share her room. I thought we'd be going thirds on the bills, but she asked me for half. I'm now 65 and a lot wiser, I wish I'd had more confidence then to state my case for fairness.

cherish123 · 31/10/2022 19:07

You need to speak to your flatmate and if he won't listen, speak directly to the boyfriend.

Tell him/her - she is not to use oven, bath or be here when he is not or she needs to contribute to the bills. If it doesn't work, speak to landlord/lady.

April506 · 31/10/2022 19:11

Maybe she lives at home with mummy and daddy and has been pampered and really has no clue what a pain in the arse she is

Grrrrdarling · 31/10/2022 19:17

summerclocks · 30/10/2022 14:05

I live in a shared house with 3 other people. One of them has got a new girlfriend who basically lives in our house now. They have been together for about two months and she spends at least 5-6 days a week in our house.

We really didn’t have an issue with this but she’s starting to become a problem. The house has 3 allocated parking spaces for the 3 people in our house with cars. She always parks in whatever space is empty when she comes around, not just her boyfriend’s but also mine or my other housemates. I work until late and it’s very annoying to have to come home to fight for my parking space. When none of our spaces are available she takes up our neighbours! We have asked her to stop but she doesn’t.

She is very careless with her use of water and electricity when she’s around. She works from home so when her bf is out she’ll stay here all day like it’s her house, has up to 2 baths a day and usually uses the oven for meals and leaves all lights on. She does all her washing here and even has friends over when her bf is not around like this is her house.

We have a smart meter and have definitely seen an increase in our electricity and gas use since she started living here. It is very frustrating that she’s almost moved in and having all this for free.

I am just exhausted of having to put up with someone that doesn’t even live here or even contributes to this house yet causes all of our problems!

Did I not reply to this post earlier? Did you repost with the YANBU & YABU added?

She needs to pay towards living costs because she is living there & she is doing it for free!

Missingpop · 31/10/2022 19:20

It sounds like you need to have a house meeting with just paying tenants & tell the jerk to reign her in; it’s not a drop in centre for waifs & strays; if she’s staying over more than 3 nights a week she needs to start contributing to the coffers; but she needs to go to her own home to work it’s not fair on anyone for her to be using your home like a doss house & conducting her work from there & having friends round if he doesn’t like it he’s more than welcome to look for somewhere else to live….maybe her home or doesn’t she have one???

marktayloruk · 31/10/2022 19:21

Council tax not your concern.

Bookloverjay · 31/10/2022 19:53

If it was a bloke I'd say he was a cocklodger.

Is there a female equivalent?

Lily4444 · 31/10/2022 20:16

Simple solution - inform your landlord that your flatmate is having his girlfriend living there - leave it to the landlord to sort. In my experience the landlord will charge them double the rent which will very quickly end all of that

Everyflippingusernameistaken · 31/10/2022 20:22

If she keeps avoiding you slip a letter under the bedroom door with the details of bills on and how much she owes. Cheeky, selfish, tight-fisted arsehole!

MagicFarawayTea · 31/10/2022 20:23

You need to be really direct about this as she ( and boyfriend) are taking the piss. She’s taken residence, using the facilities- including parking-for free. I don’t care if she’s the best shag he’s ever had - they are behaving like shits.

Dahliasandtea · 31/10/2022 20:34

House meeting, and invite her. Then hand her a bill of every utility, divided by 4. And say to her you owe us £xx.xx as an equal share of the utilities. Let her know that you need to add her to the tenancy agreement for insurance purposes and to rewrite the tenancy agreement for the redivision of rent etc. Tell her the landlord will be popping around next week ‘sometime’ during the day to meet her and obviously has the key so no need to open the door to them, they’ll just walk in. Give her the tidying rota with her name added and let her know that as she is here for 24h a day (wfh) her share will be a little higher than everyone else’s as they are out of the house at least 8h a day.

if she doesn’t come to the meeting just tell her boyfriend and smile the whole time like it doesn’t bother you in the slightest.

xmaswiththeinlaws · 31/10/2022 20:40

I was in a similar position as a student, my flatmates gf was spending multiple nights at ours, hogging the kitchen so that myself and the other flatmate couldn't get in to do our own cooking or washing. It caused so much bad feeling that I ended up falling out with the flat mate and moving out myself.
I was young and naive then but i would certainly confront them now if I was in that position, gf is a cf and seeing how long she can get away without paying. With the current cost of living crisis it is definitely not fair and you probably all need to confront the pair of them regarding splitting through bills.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 31/10/2022 20:42

House meeting. Decide with the others in advance - do you want the money, or do you want her not there. Put that to your flat mate, who has been totally irresponsible about this and dismissive of your concerns. If it is not resolved, tell the LL that CF flatmate needs to go.

Primula200 · 31/10/2022 20:53

I wouldn't go down the route of getting her any legitimacy of any kind or try to negotiate how much time she can or can't spend there. She seems to be totally insensitive and selfish and brazen and I expect will jus continue her current behaviours regardless. You didn't sign up to live with that extra person. She is taking up some of the mutual space, making the house more crowded and therefore more stressful even before you think of the expense. Even if she is in his room she is still another presence in the building. The rest of you need to get together and tell him what is required and if he doesn't agree then he should leave.. end of. It's a bit like having a cuckoo in the nest! Get her out!