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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my housemate’s girlfriend to pay for basically living in our house?

226 replies

summerclocks · 30/10/2022 14:05

I live in a shared house with 3 other people. One of them has got a new girlfriend who basically lives in our house now. They have been together for about two months and she spends at least 5-6 days a week in our house.

We really didn’t have an issue with this but she’s starting to become a problem. The house has 3 allocated parking spaces for the 3 people in our house with cars. She always parks in whatever space is empty when she comes around, not just her boyfriend’s but also mine or my other housemates. I work until late and it’s very annoying to have to come home to fight for my parking space. When none of our spaces are available she takes up our neighbours! We have asked her to stop but she doesn’t.

She is very careless with her use of water and electricity when she’s around. She works from home so when her bf is out she’ll stay here all day like it’s her house, has up to 2 baths a day and usually uses the oven for meals and leaves all lights on. She does all her washing here and even has friends over when her bf is not around like this is her house.

We have a smart meter and have definitely seen an increase in our electricity and gas use since she started living here. It is very frustrating that she’s almost moved in and having all this for free.

I am just exhausted of having to put up with someone that doesn’t even live here or even contributes to this house yet causes all of our problems!

OP posts:
Dragonsmother · 30/10/2022 20:50

I have done lots of house shares and when a partner starts spending a lot of time there it really unbalanced the house.
You all need a house meeting and make it just tenants. Sit down and agree some house rules.

Skodacool · 30/10/2022 20:50

He says that she’s just stays in his room and isn’t disturbing anyone and because he’s always at work then her use of utilities is almost like he’s using it so he doesn’t see the need for her to pay extra

Does he have two baths a day? He sounds as cf as her.

SouperNoodle · 30/10/2022 20:52

I'd just walk into his bedroom when you know she's in there and tell her to get out

Jellybean23 · 30/10/2022 20:59

Report it to the landlord. It could contravene safety regs. There must be a maximum occupancy in the house. Girlfriend is not on the lease so shouldn't be there.

MzHz · 30/10/2022 21:11

Wherearemymarbles · 30/10/2022 14:31

You have to put some rules in place and if needed to clear to her its not her house

This

just tell her to leave, and tell him to leave if he’s not respectful of your boundaries

HangingOver · 30/10/2022 21:20

Re. everyone saying tell the landlord.... Have I had particularly bad luck in my many many years living in houseshare? LL in houseshare never get involved in anything of this sort IME. They'll barely fix the boiler let alone get involved in housemate

HangingOver · 30/10/2022 21:21

Housemate politics.

In fact, I never even got to speak to most of mine... It was usually the letting agent that managed it for them.

Genevieva · 30/10/2022 21:29

The rest of you need to get your ducks in a row and sit him down. Set out the rules and tell him to take them or leave.

  1. Maximum nights a week she can stay
  2. What her contribution towards utility bills should be
  3. That she cannot be in the building when he is not there.
  4. ... whatever is bothering you all.
Jetstream · 30/10/2022 21:42

This happened to me when I house shared. Mindbogglingly cheeky of your housemate. My housemate arrogantly said that we should have approached her about the bf staying. I pointed out that she should have talked to us before moving her bf in. He did nothing all day. Wouldn’t do anything around the house. They ended up being kicked out.

EmmaLeeB · 30/10/2022 21:52

She is not going to change her behaviour just because someone has asked her to be fair. People who are this entitled honestly believe they have the right to take the mick. Unfortunately they often get away with it because people don't like confrontation.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/10/2022 21:54

House meeting and drum it into your housemate the this has really screwed things up. His girlfriend should not be at the meeting. She is not a housemate.

Ladyof2022 · 30/10/2022 22:55

You are being far too passive.

Hand the male flatmate a letter stating that she isn't allowed to live there, and if she does not get out you will involve the landlord. Then he has a choice.

If she's there again next day, phone the landlord.

EASY PEASY

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 30/10/2022 23:07

summerclocks · 30/10/2022 14:05

I live in a shared house with 3 other people. One of them has got a new girlfriend who basically lives in our house now. They have been together for about two months and she spends at least 5-6 days a week in our house.

We really didn’t have an issue with this but she’s starting to become a problem. The house has 3 allocated parking spaces for the 3 people in our house with cars. She always parks in whatever space is empty when she comes around, not just her boyfriend’s but also mine or my other housemates. I work until late and it’s very annoying to have to come home to fight for my parking space. When none of our spaces are available she takes up our neighbours! We have asked her to stop but she doesn’t.

She is very careless with her use of water and electricity when she’s around. She works from home so when her bf is out she’ll stay here all day like it’s her house, has up to 2 baths a day and usually uses the oven for meals and leaves all lights on. She does all her washing here and even has friends over when her bf is not around like this is her house.

We have a smart meter and have definitely seen an increase in our electricity and gas use since she started living here. It is very frustrating that she’s almost moved in and having all this for free.

I am just exhausted of having to put up with someone that doesn’t even live here or even contributes to this house yet causes all of our problems!

I wouldn't even bother having a conversation with her she sounds dreadful

I'd just phone the landlord up and report the issue to him/her

I hope you get it sorted

BlackberryCat · 31/10/2022 00:38

There are some utterly bonkers suggestions on this thread. I think you are doing the right thing in checking the tenancy agreement and then hopefully there will be something about guests that you can take to the flatmate.

Intru · 31/10/2022 01:30

Haffiana · 30/10/2022 20:42

So basically people who rent are not allowed to have partners?

People who rent in a shared household as a single resident don’t get to move a partner in, yes.

That’s how a house-share works.

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 31/10/2022 08:10

Haffiana · 30/10/2022 20:42

So basically people who rent are not allowed to have partners?

Of course they are allowed to have partners.

What you don’t do is more someone in without discussing it with the other occupants first. It’s disrespectful and often creates issues.

Imagine if they all moved someone in that had similar manners to the flat mates gf.

Yabado · 31/10/2022 12:14

Haffiana
So basically people who rent are not allowed to have partners?
of course you / they can
you can rent your own flat where you have your own AST and you can invite whoever you want around to stay with you

but if your renting a room for 1 person with the landlord present as a lodger or in a house share with other people then no they can’t just move in

ivykaty44 · 31/10/2022 13:02

So basically people who rent are not allowed to have partners?

people that go to the cinema can take a boyfriend, but they have to purchase a separate ticket, you can't sit on their knee - it'll annoy the people behind and everyone else will wonder what they are paying full price for

Angip3 · 31/10/2022 13:13

If the neighbors complain to the landlord before you do over the parking there is a good chance you will ALL get moved out,
You need to get this resolved sooner rather than later.

Angip3 · 31/10/2022 13:30

"ihatethefuckingmuffin · Today 08:10
"Haffiana · Yesterday 20:42
So basically people who rent are not allowed to have partners?"
Of course they are allowed to have partners.
What you don’t do is more someone in without discussing it with the other occupants first. It’s disrespectful and often creates issues.
Imagine if they all moved someone in that had similar manners to the flat mates gf."

Depends on the tenancy.
I complained to next-doors landlords about the noise of him and his GF, she said GF moved out hes told us, I said NO his NEW GF who is round there at least 5 nights a week, She said hes not allowed to do that as shes not on the tenancy.... they were gone by the end of the month.,

RedWingBoots · 31/10/2022 13:38

Ladyof2022 · 30/10/2022 22:55

You are being far too passive.

Hand the male flatmate a letter stating that she isn't allowed to live there, and if she does not get out you will involve the landlord. Then he has a choice.

If she's there again next day, phone the landlord.

EASY PEASY

This.

And it is better you do it, otherwise if she is causing parking problems a neighbour will notify your landlord that your entire household is the source of the problems.

1HappyTraveller · 31/10/2022 14:20

YANBU

Your housemate is being a tool. She is being a CF. All bills should be split between you all, the GF included. Alternatively she needs to leave or they both do.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 14:36

Check Tenancy Agreement.

Also, she should not be there as she should have her own flat/house-share etc and therefore be using the utilities there.

I'd be tempted to have a house meeting with other sharers and say either she's not allowed (change locks if necessary) or evict her boyfriend. Then that will get rid of her.

Cheeky Fucker!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 14:39

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 31/10/2022 08:10

Of course they are allowed to have partners.

What you don’t do is more someone in without discussing it with the other occupants first. It’s disrespectful and often creates issues.

Imagine if they all moved someone in that had similar manners to the flat mates gf.

Show quote history

Either the GF moves in properly and shares bills/rent if she's here on that scale or she goes back to her own flat/house-share to work.

She's using OP's house-share as a WFH space. Usually the costs involved would be paid for by her as a tenant or she'd use a hub space externally to work.

People renting with partners there's usually an agreement they stay a few nights not every night.

MondayYogurt · 31/10/2022 14:53

No point asking her to move in and pay, you'll still have the car space issue.

What's the female equivalent of a cock lodger? She sounds like that.