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Original poster

Sunday dinner ... Guilt.

223 replies

Rabbitheadlights · 30/10/2022 12:07

Asking really to find out what the hell is wrong with me? I make a roast on a Sunday EVERY week and not just a basic one either, Rain or Shine, hell or high water in sickness and health.

But my kids don't really care they can take it or leave it.

So why if I don't do it, do I feel this weird guilty type feeling, asthough I'm letting them down somehow? It's ridiculous!

OP posts:
birder · 30/10/2022 14:39

During lockdown, DD who lived alone, used to drive to our house every Sunday to pick up her roast dinner. We'd leave the plate on the step, covered in foil. She'd put it in her boot with a container of gravy, we'd all wave and off she'd go🖐

Her boyfriend cooks it now.

askmenow · 30/10/2022 14:39

Lurve a full roast dinner even for the two of us.and its not a faff at all.

Leftovers give us enough for stirfries, curries and sandwiches for the rest of the week so cuts down on oven use.
Prep the veg night before sitting in front of tele and marinade roast overnight Chuck it all in oven 1 hour after meats, and hey presto. Lush...

InFiveMins · 30/10/2022 14:44

Do you enjoy making and eating a roast dinner though OP? If so then crack on making them, no matter what the kids think Grin I love everything about a roast dinner and I enjoy having a few glasses of wine whilst making it. I love to cook though so don't see it as a chore. If I didn't enjoy making a roast or eating it I just wouldn't bother and would go for something quick and easy!

TomTraubertsBlues · 30/10/2022 14:50

ABJ100 · 30/10/2022 12:23

Also does it mean that you never go anywhere, because you need to be faffing around?

Yes, if 50% of your weekend days are arranged around the need to prepare and eat a specific elaborate meal, surely it makes it harder to do spontaneous fun things at the weekend? When the kids get a bit older, will they be guilt-tripped into attending the family roast when they'd rather just see their friends on a Sunday?

It definitely falls into martyr territory - I'd dial it back and make it less frequent.

youlightupmyday · 30/10/2022 14:52

Pthagonal · 30/10/2022 14:32

We have a Sunday roast perhaps once a month, but we have it in the evening rather than during the day. It frees up so much time to do what we want to do. Veg can be prepped beforehand, so the only thing I have to stress about is the gravy.

We're F1 fans, and we try to make a dish from the country that the race is in that weekend. Today we are having Mexican (OH is in charge of that) and last weekend we had a pot roast. Some of the countries get challenging, but it breaks the monotony of roasts every weekend for us.

For the UAE do a biriyani. They call in Machboos, but essentially the same thing.

youlightupmyday · 30/10/2022 14:54

I always found roasts super easy. Yes it cooks for a while, but you don't stand there stirring or anything. Peeling takes time and then the last busy 20 minutes, but that is it.

BuffaloCauliflower · 30/10/2022 14:55

Oh I love a roast and it feels like a proper Sunday with one! My mum does one at supper time most weeks (except when it’s really hot or there’s too much going on) and I generally go round with DH and DC, as do my siblings and their DC. We went to my granny’s for Sunday roast every week when she was alive too. It’s proper family stuff. I’ll probably take over when my mum isn’t up to it anymore.

bofski14 · 30/10/2022 14:55

Social conditioning. Eat what you want, when you want. Food is neutral. I like a roast, I like making one occasionally but when it's a chore, just stop.

One of my ex boyfriends had an older mum. Every Sunday she would painstakingly make the perfect roast complete with home made soup starters, two choices of meats with all the trimmings, a home made chocolate cake and a crumble type dessert. She would even make little menu boards, bless her. There would be about twelve of us at least. And every Sunday I watched her make that massive Christmas day effort meal, for all the men to sit and read the papers, not help at all and then leave her and us women to wash up while they vegged out in front of a film. I vowed I would never have that sexist nonsense in my house. We eat together, we share cooking and if we're making a roast, we all muck in because we really want it. One person doing it all is unfair.

riotlady · 30/10/2022 14:59

I love a roast, but not in the summer. We have them every couple of weeks in the winter (DH cooks though)

I think traditions and memories are better when they come about naturally rather than being forced on unwilling participants! My mum is always trying to make things a “thing”- like insisting that my DD loves crisp sandwiches and she always has one at Granny’s house and it’s their special treat bla bla bla. DD likes crisp sandwiches just fine but she really doesn’t care that much

My favourite food my mum cooks is macaroni cheese and she didn’t need to make it weekly for me to have fond memories of it

SometimesNine · 30/10/2022 15:14

Please don't be a slave to an imagined idea of a perfect Sunday.
We never have roasts on Sunday, and prefer to relax on the day before the working week. If your family can't be bothered whether you cook it or not, make your life easier and ditch it altogether. Good luck!

Snowpaw · 30/10/2022 15:19

I have got into a Friday roast habit - it feels kind of celebratory feel-good end of week vibe, and I love it.

My roasts are pretty simple. Parboil potatoes, sit chicken in a big tray on top of some halved onions and carrots, add the potatoes round the chicken, splash olive oil on everything and into oven for 1.5 hours. I do some stuffing from a packet and maybe a green veg or yorkies if I'm feeling adventurous. But its a simple meal involving very little standing around stirring etc. Easy and feel-good food.

NancyPickford · 30/10/2022 15:20

My mother never cooked a Sunday roast in her life, and neither have I. I wouldn't know where to start. My husband occasionally does one, but only rarely.

DillDanding · 30/10/2022 15:24

Cut yourself some slack.

I have never made a roast dinner in my life - it seems like a monumental faff.

gluenotsoup · 30/10/2022 15:27

I quite like making a roast, but only around once a month. Most Sundays my mum comes for dinner, so there are 3 adults, 2dc. I try to cook something all homemade, no matter what it is, and then we can sit at the table and have proper family time and eat good food together. The rest of the week we are all in and out at different times so it sort of marks the end of the week. I enjoy it when I’ve got time to do it properly- Yorkshire pud, gravy, roasties, all from scratch.
I agree though about feeling the pressure to go it as part of being a good mum, and the “right type “ of childhood it’s part of. The reality is it can take hours, cost a fortune, and then at the end of it it’s Monday again. So, mums not coming today, dh has gone to the match, and the kids have asked for pizza, fries, a magnum and a film. So that’s what we’re doing and it’s great. 🙂

RobertaFirmino · 30/10/2022 15:27

I do them probably every third or fourth Sunday. I don't find it any bother at all but I am 46 so have decades of roasting behind me. I've actually got one on the go now, roast beef with spuds, carrots, cabbage, peas, Yorkshires and red wine gravy.

TheMorigoul · 30/10/2022 15:34

I like making a roast, no way could I be arsed to do it every Sunday. I do tend to do 'english' food on a autumn/winter sunday, it might be a beef stew, lamb chops and mash, toad in the whole or a roast. Depends what we're doing that day and if I'm staying in the house or not.

Today I got me and dc a takeaway roast. Was lovely. Sometimes we go out for a walk and pub roast.

Rosebel · 30/10/2022 15:36

Mirabai · 30/10/2022 13:52

So it’s a tradition to make a weekly meal that only 2/5 of your family eat? What a great tradition.

Could you not start a new one with a meal everyone can enjoy?

Show quote history

DD1 eats everything except the meat. DS doesn't eat anything anyway so it's not just a case of make something else. 3/5 eat most of it and I never fancy eating if I cook so....

Beechview · 30/10/2022 15:51

I guess it's just become a ritual?
There's something comforting about rituals. Security and connection.

I'm the opposite - I'd rather not make a roast but the dc love them. It's too much of a faff for me so I follow Jamie Oliver's all in one recipe.

Movinghouseatlast · 30/10/2022 16:02

I think this is interesting. We dont have children, we've been together 26 years. We have a Sunday roast most weeks, we both love it.

I think the answer is have it if you like it and value it, don't have it if you don't!

I have to say I find the comments about teenagers and preferring takeaways a bit depressing. They are usually ( in my experience) absolutely vile, just processed cheap rubbish. Probably best I'd we try not to eat stuff like that, as it has no benefit. It's not nicer than home made food, they think it's nicer because of the salt and sugar.

Bonatos · 30/10/2022 16:04

I only cook a roast at Christmas.

Ragwort · 30/10/2022 16:10

I love a Sunday roast and would cook it just for myself, my DH is not that bothered .. it's not his favourite sort of meal and DS is away at Uni ... but I am already looking forward to my roast pork tonight. I find it quite a straightforward meal to do ... but I don't go overboard with Yorkshire puddings etc (unless it's beef) and more than a couple of veg.

astarsheis · 30/10/2022 16:13

DH just cooking a fish curry for us.
We very rarely have Sunday roast.

stuntbubbles · 30/10/2022 16:16

I have to say I find the comments about teenagers and preferring takeaways a bit depressing.
I think that was one poster’s very specific – right down to the specific takeaway and specific order! – experience. As teens my siblings and I, even at our worst most adolescent awfulness, loved family meals. Not necessarily roast dinners though! Which we only really had at Christmas, Easter, and perhaps a couple of times on particularly gloomy, rainy Sundays after a splashy walk.

I don’t mind roast dinners but I don’t get The Cult of the Roast on here (see also The Cult of Hot Choc). And invariably everyone who says they’re easy to cook then goes on to describe something horrible: frozen Yorkshire puddings, dry packet stuffing, shit Bisto gravy, boring boiled vegetables, overcooked neglected unbasted meat. Done properly a roast dinner should be an absolute bugger and really piss off the washer-upper to boot.

Burgoo · 30/10/2022 16:17

It sounds like you are torturing yourself. What was your upbringing like re: female figures providing Sunday dinner? Was it an expectation?

Just tolerate the guilt and eventually it'll decrease.

changer121 · 30/10/2022 16:35

We al love a roast but are just as likely to have one during the week as on a Sunday.
We maybe have 6 a year though so when we have one it's a treat if it has all the trimmings.
Christmas dinner is a completely different and more involved affair in our house but we all love it as it's extra special.