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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sunday dinner ... Guilt.

223 replies

Rabbitheadlights · 30/10/2022 12:07

Asking really to find out what the hell is wrong with me? I make a roast on a Sunday EVERY week and not just a basic one either, Rain or Shine, hell or high water in sickness and health.

But my kids don't really care they can take it or leave it.

So why if I don't do it, do I feel this weird guilty type feeling, asthough I'm letting them down somehow? It's ridiculous!

OP posts:
NiqueNique · 30/10/2022 12:49

You feel guilty because you’ve internalised some very strong messages about what makes a good woman/mother. Probably along with some very strong messages that martyrdom is what mothers do.

Theydoyaknow · 30/10/2022 12:49

I used to feel like you do but suddenly stopped cooking them every week and soon got over it. Huge emphasis on a Sunday Dinner = Good Mum. That's how I used to feel but now I am easier on myself and do them every few weeks, they seem to enjoy them more now!

SpookabooAtTheZoo · 30/10/2022 12:49

@FayeGovan Are you in Donegal? I miss 3 in 1's munchy boxes!

jollygoose · 30/10/2022 12:49

I do Sunday roast because I don't know what else to have that is different to rest of the week. Just feel Sunday should be bit more special.

AuntieMarys · 30/10/2022 12:51

I've never made one. I'm in my 60s.

OhJimmyJimmy · 30/10/2022 12:51

My own mum never made a roast when we were growing up. She still sometimes mentions it now and how she feels guilty about it. DB and I find it really bizarre - it's hardly a reflection of her parenting skills! Could you change it to once a month? The kids might appreciate it more as a result.

PaperLanterns · 30/10/2022 12:51

I love a sunday roast. I grew up with very young parents who basically brought us up on freezer food.

When I used to go to friend’s houses, I used to see their roast dinners and be blown away by them! It’s also the best way to make sure my boys eat a load of veg and I usually make a big cauliflower cheese and then we have the leftovers on Monday!

Essentially it’s down to you. If you enjoy the ritual of it all (I quite like the time in the kitchen alone whilst OH crawls around with the trains and cars for a couple of hours) then stick with it.

luxxlisbon · 30/10/2022 12:52

You clearly do think it’s something to do with being a good mum/more nurturing etc.

But it’s weird to me that you force it when when your kids don’t want it. If your 5 year old is literally saying ‘oh no Sunday dinner!’ why are you doing it every week? Surely it would be better to make your family something they actually like or get a takeaway and spend more time together.

RedToothBrush · 30/10/2022 12:52

The important bit is probably the sit down element and the feeling for you of 'showing love through food'.

So try something different but special for a few weekends. Then one weekend don't do anything at all.

Then after 5 or 6 weeks, see what you and the kids prefer and like. If they miss the roast you know then.

The issue here is possibly almost taking it for granted in one way or another.

So shake things up and experiment!

Tangled123 · 30/10/2022 12:53

My parents made roast dinners every Sunday without fail for us growing up. I personally don’t like roast dinners, and they are still one of the reasons why I hate Sundays even though I left home years ago.

If your family aren’t overly keen, I wouldn’t bother making them every week.

Goldencarp · 30/10/2022 12:54

I buy these mini roast dinners from Tesco, 2 chicken breasts, 2 sausages and 2 stuffing balls. 2 of those in the oven, a tray of frozen roasties and frozen veg and the kids love it. If I do a full roast from scratch with all the trimmings they moan like mad 🙄

NiqueNique · 30/10/2022 12:55

Ugh what a clumsy sentence... ‘Martyrdom is what a mother does’ is better.

That’s a message that no woman should pass on to her children (sons or daughters!).

There is no need to have a roast every Sunday if that doesn’t actually suit you or your family. And there is no need to feel guilty for not having it.

Ponoka7 · 30/10/2022 12:55

I'm 54, so grew up with roast Sunday dinners. It was mainly because everything was shut on a Sunday, the day started with Church and meat for roasting was a treat. I never did one as a young woman and many people told me that you had to have a roast on a Sunday. It died out naturally when we started camping etc over the weekend. I still feel strange for not cooking one. My adult DD who lives with me isn't fussed, she'd rather pay out for luxury steak over Christmas, but I still feel that I should be cooking one. My son-in-law makes a fantastic lasagna, we are all meeting up on boxing Day, but my eldest has been told by others that she should be doing a roast. Traditions are hard to drop.

pumpkinscoop · 30/10/2022 12:55

I think it comes down to how you really feel. If the only reason you're doing it is because you feel guilty if you don't, not a good enough reason so go easy on yourself. It'll only take a few weeks for pizza or egg and chips to become a new tradition.

We always cook Thai food on a Friday - a nice treat after the working week. It's now 'a thing' but not to be adhered to so strictly - that's when it becomes a chore.

DMum and DDad did a roast on a Sunday, but that got shelved pdq if it was a nice day and we went to the beach or for a hike. Sunday roasts are a happy childhood memory though - R2 on in the kitchen and one of us kids in charge of making the mint sauce.

We have the occasional proper Sunday lunch, but in winter so we can light the fire, light the candles, crack open a bottle of red and spend the afternoon reading on the sofa.

PeekAtYou · 30/10/2022 12:55

I wouldn't mind cooking a roast but I live with my youngest who dgaf about them so I don't cook them normally. Sunday dinners are normal dinners but I make some dessert which makes them special. (On weekdays we don't have dessert.)

Mirabai · 30/10/2022 12:56

Oh God my mum used to do this. Every. Weekend. It was ghastly - I hated lamb and beef and eventually stopped eating them. The hassle, the martyrdom, the silence at table, the eating up of cold leftovers during the week - urgh - this brings it all back…

Why not make something they actually like that takes a fraction of the time?

Belledan1 · 30/10/2022 12:56

I do one most weeks unless we go out. Sometimes do the works ie big joint pork stuffing etc. Own roasties. Todays is just a chicken in a bag. New potato's in skins. tinned carrots as morrisons had no carrots and frozen sprouts. Really easy.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 30/10/2022 12:56

i love a roast
never have one now its just two of us

Ponoka7 · 30/10/2022 12:57

Goldencarp · 30/10/2022 12:54

I buy these mini roast dinners from Tesco, 2 chicken breasts, 2 sausages and 2 stuffing balls. 2 of those in the oven, a tray of frozen roasties and frozen veg and the kids love it. If I do a full roast from scratch with all the trimmings they moan like mad 🙄

Lidl's hassle back roast potatoes that they have over Christmas are lovely and take 25 minutes to cook. They are even fine cooked and heated in the microwave.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 30/10/2022 12:57

@Rabbitheadlights

i think you should cook something else,
then they will complain and want a roast!

Bigyellowuber · 30/10/2022 12:57

Can you do a simpler version - pot roast with mash and simple greens?. It doesn't have to be fancy to taste delicious.

Flubber88 · 30/10/2022 12:57

I'd love a roast it sounds lovely round yours !

lannistunut · 30/10/2022 12:58

Seems odd to feel guilty about it. Sounds like you need to challenge that. We never had roasts, I found them boring when I ate meat and now we are vegetarian anyway.

AbsoluteTruths · 30/10/2022 12:58

I kind of know what you mean. I occasionally maske a roast on a Sunday, hours it takes me, is eaten in ten minutes and I look around at all the pots and pans and full bin and think, I'm damned if I'm doing that again. I tend to just do it once in a blue moon and usually on a Monday so it doesn't get tinged with that Sunday back to school feeling. Family far prefer something spicier anyway like burritos so they don't care.

BetterBeCarefulBoysYouJustMightSetTheWorldOnFire · 30/10/2022 12:58

I had a boyfriend in my early twenties whose mum did a roast every Sunday. I'm talking even in 30 degree heat, even the day after her father died (the death of Grandad John the day before didn't make anyone especially hungry for roast beef) and she even came home from the hospital the morning after her own husband was sent to ICU after a stroke (and it looked like he wasn't going to survive) having stopped off at the Co-Op for a chicken!!! We all sat there, most members of the family in tears, eating this bloody roast chicken and stuffing waiting for the hospital to ring and say the dad had died*. It was full on crazy-town. My parents never much went in for roasts but the experience of that family made me all the clearer that I wouldn't either! Like a cult for slightly dried out meats.

FWIW the only roast worth eating is one you haven't made, so save your money, go to a pub once a month and have what they make. That way you'll actually enjoy it!

  • he did eventually pull through although was left disabled.
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