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Original poster

Am I stingy? Boyfriend says i am?

390 replies

llpoolj · 29/10/2022 17:39

My boyfriend lives with me.
He earns £700 more than me a month.
He is always "skint"
He said he needed £20 for his phone.
So I said "il take it out of my savings account,just give me it on Monday when you get paid"
So then today he borrows another £10 and says so that's £310 I owe you Monday (£300 half of rent and bills )
I say no £330 ...£20 for phone too
He said "really ,your going to take that off me"
"I only topped up because you wanted me too"
(He didn't -he told me he needed to top up"
So he says "you know I would give you my last"
I said I buy you so much
I spent £10 buying him McDonald's today,I bought the food all week
I spent £170 last week on concert tickets for his birthday -then 2 hoodies for his birthday.
I reminded him of this and he says "no you can't class the tickets for my birthday -you wanted to go too"
I also bought us Xmas pjs for £30 two days ago

So how does he have the audacity to say I'm tight?
I just wanted it back to in my savings.
I'm feeling shitty and horrible now
I'm honestly not tight -I just don't want to get the mick took out of me

We go on holiday in two weeks
I've bought the sun tan lotion,after sun,case straps ,case locks ,luggage tags ,case scales,I bought him shorts for holiday and 2 tees and god knows what else

OP posts:
fortheloveofflowers · 29/10/2022 20:16

I’d get my money back. Dump him and go to the concert with someone else.
He is a dick!

Mostmarriedcouple · 29/10/2022 20:18

Honestly sweetheart, ditch him. Become the best version of yourself (if ur not already) i.e gym, hair, nails & whatever makes you radiant. THEN get yourself a rich man. Honestly, life is too short to be burdened with poor men who can’t even top up their phone.

Fireflygal · 29/10/2022 20:18

Did he move in with you? £300 seems very cheap, yet he is still trying to cheat you.

His tactic is to wear you down and make you think you are unreasonable & cheap. He can't have respect for you if he is trying to cheat you

ilukp · 29/10/2022 20:21

Dump him and the sooner the better.
He's a cocklodger.
The cocklodger script goes something like this:
a) moves in by stealth (there's often some kind of "accommodation emergency" which means he needs to move in earlier than you'd like but he's "really stuck" etc)
b) Starts off making the right noises about paying rent and bills
c) begins to take the piss with things like you describe - borrowing a bit here and there. This is the phase where he trains you. Is emotionally manipulative when you make any kind of objection to him not paying you back.
d) Pisstaking increases. Starts to pay the rent late for example. He's short this month for some random reason etc.
e) There's some kind of "issue" at work and he quits, quite often claiming mental health issues. Lives off your salary, mopes around at home,you pay for everything while he "looks for work". Any kind of prompting from you to spend more time looking for work (rather than watching box sets or gaming) and he'll claim depression - will he go to the doctor about his "depression". Will he fuck.
f) you have a fully-grown cocklodger on your hands and a life of misery

You are at stage c - get rid now.

Goodadvice1980 · 29/10/2022 20:21

Congratulations OP, you have found yourself a bona fide cocklodger. Time for him to move on before he bleeds you dry.

MysteryBelle · 29/10/2022 20:23

See, I don’t understand women (or men) who are in relationships like this. In your situation, where you’re living together, you have set parameters with who pays what with bills etc, and he definitely should be paying for his own clothes, phone, all that.

Let me just tell you what I do. When we got married, my husband put his checks, as did I, directly into our one shared account, and I do the finances from that (because he doesn’t want to deal with paying bills or doing taxes). He has always made a lot more money than me, but he considers his money our money. It has worked perfectly for 26 years, not one problem.

Your partner is not responsible or mature enough for a serious relationship. If I were you, I’d think about not living with him.

spookypump · 29/10/2022 20:29

ilukp · 29/10/2022 20:21

Dump him and the sooner the better.
He's a cocklodger.
The cocklodger script goes something like this:
a) moves in by stealth (there's often some kind of "accommodation emergency" which means he needs to move in earlier than you'd like but he's "really stuck" etc)
b) Starts off making the right noises about paying rent and bills
c) begins to take the piss with things like you describe - borrowing a bit here and there. This is the phase where he trains you. Is emotionally manipulative when you make any kind of objection to him not paying you back.
d) Pisstaking increases. Starts to pay the rent late for example. He's short this month for some random reason etc.
e) There's some kind of "issue" at work and he quits, quite often claiming mental health issues. Lives off your salary, mopes around at home,you pay for everything while he "looks for work". Any kind of prompting from you to spend more time looking for work (rather than watching box sets or gaming) and he'll claim depression - will he go to the doctor about his "depression". Will he fuck.
f) you have a fully-grown cocklodger on your hands and a life of misery

You are at stage c - get rid now.

This was my ex down to a tee!! From start to end!

DamnUserName21 · 29/10/2022 20:37

You are not. Your P expects you to subsidise him.

Colourmeclear · 29/10/2022 20:38

This isn't how relationships should work. Even if you point this out, he won't change. He'll ask how could you, blah blah, blah. You'll feel guilty because you think girlfriends should want to support their partner. Except he's an idiot and no you shouldn't bank roll him.

How long have you been together?

Dutchesss · 29/10/2022 20:45

Nope. He needs to go. Don't waste anymore time or money on this idiot.

LemonTreeSkies · 29/10/2022 20:50

I’ll bet he resents the £300 he pays per month, too.

FinallyHere · 29/10/2022 20:56

*DaenerysTarragon
Honestly - more fool you for forking out.

this!!*

Yeah. This.

Anytime someone accuses you of something, instead of reacting defensively to demonstrate how not true it is of you, consider whether they might be projecting. Consider whether it applies to them.

Whatever conclusion you come to, stop spending more on someone than they spend on you.

Why-ever would you subsidise the phone bill of a man who earns more than you? Why might he expect you, who earns less, to do so. Oh, wait.

Hope the penny is dropping for you now. You don't need to 'win'. You just need to get this cocklodger out of your life.

If for whatever reason you don't pay attention to everyone on this thread and stay with him, at least keep a copy of this thread to look back on in years to come.

Do yourself a favour. Get rid now. You know that's the right thing to do - right. That's why you started to post here, because you know it's not right.

Good luck.

DotDotaDash · 29/10/2022 20:59

Where are you going on holiday? Did he pay his share?

User5641 · 29/10/2022 21:00

He's taking advantage of your good nature.

surreygirl1987 · 29/10/2022 21:03

Whoah he is awful!

Dibbydoos · 29/10/2022 21:06

Sorry your BF sounds like a user tome. He earns more than you but is borrowing from you and you're forking out for loads of stuff.

Do you love him enough to know this will be your life forever if you stay with him?

a1poshpaws · 29/10/2022 21:06

llpoolj · 29/10/2022 17:43

@Itsallyellow22 he won't buy anything ,then he will complain that I have new clothes and he has nothing.
I can't win

You can win.

All you need to do is tell the greedy CF ratfink cocklodger to get out and never let you see his face again.

You may feel that'd hurt you a lot. Believe me, allowing him to stay in your life would hurt one hell of a lot more.

RosesAndHellebores · 29/10/2022 21:08

He's one of life's takers. You will be forever skint and unhappy with him. You are worth so much more.

Guavafish1 · 29/10/2022 21:12

He earns more than you by £700

where is the money going? I’d stop with buying him stuff… just say I don’t have the money.

very odd

PinkButtercups · 29/10/2022 21:13

He's a proper CF! He owes you money and it's as simple as that.

What he said about the concert tickets would make me not want to give it to him!

AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2022 21:13

Cocklodging isn't just living somewhere completely for free or taking huge sums of money. Sometimes it's dribs and drabs of money 'borrowed' and not repaid or not buying things knowing the other person will in order to save their own money up. Sometimes it starts with these little things and leads up to 100% cocklodging after they have built up your tolerance to the little things they do.

It's time to cut this guy loose. You're better off on your own and I don't just mean financially.

Natty13 · 29/10/2022 21:17

llpoolj · 29/10/2022 17:43

@Itsallyellow22 he won't buy anything ,then he will complain that I have new clothes and he has nothing.
I can't win

Love, here is the secret:

You win by not caring.

Call me tight all you like, if you owe me £320 not £300 you pay me £320, I couldn't care less.

You feeling guilty and tight is what people rely on to take advantage of you.

Mummieslncorporated · 29/10/2022 21:19

If the concert tickets aren't for his birthday, he owes you another £85.

What an arse.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2022 21:19

he won't buy anything ,then he will complain that I have new clothes and he has nothing. I can't win

Yes you can. You stop taking his complaints so absurdly seriously and personally (clue: they're not about you), keep your money and laugh at the silly fucker.

If he wanted to buy clothes, he'd buy clothes. He doesn't, he doesn't <shrug>.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2022 21:21

Oh and how you win? Compound interest darling, compound interest.