to think it's unreasonable to expect young teenagers to bring alcohol to the party

[SLS500]

My dd went to her friend's 17th birthday party. This has been planned for a while and we'd had brief chat a few days ago about whether there would be alcohol and she said yes. She's pretty sensible and has access to alcohol at home, but isn't interested and has never abused it, so I wasn't particularly concerned. Also, as it was a house party with the parents there I thought perhaps there'd be a few token beers, wine spritzers and soft drinks.

The parents had provided wine, gin, beers etc. and when this had finished they had to go out to buy more, but before doing so the mother who was clearly angry
shouted at the children they were all rude for not bringing a bottle as it was etiquette to do so.

Surely you wouldn't expect teenagers to think to take a bottle. She didn't go empty handed she took a birthday gift and card. She had two glasses of wine, so nothing excessive, but is upset for her friend who was embarrassed.

I'm confused, my parents didn't buy me any alcohol before 18 as they were so strict. Are they the only ones who thought like this? I could never have bought my own alcohol!

And why did the parents provide it if they didn't want anyone to drink it? 🤔

Yes at 17 we always took alcohol to a party and I am way old!!! At my dd's recent 17th birthday party plenty of alcohol was brought - mainly vodka. At her 16th, none brought or provided plus it was only girls invited (dd's choice).
,
Being in 6th form / college seemed to be where things changed.

You can provide as a host and still be pissed off at rude guests not bringing their own drinks.

The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

The issue was really a lack of communication.

When our DC had 18th parties in the house I made it clear to them in advance that DH and I would provide 2 cases of beer and 40 cocktail cans , bottles of coke/lemonade plus a pizza delivery, crisps and birthday cake for the 20 people attending. That was upto 4 drinks each - after that it was upto them.

If you're old enough to drink, you're old enough to BYOB.

My recollections of those far off days were parents trying to police what was brought into the parties. Wine/beer/cider ok, spirits not so much.

Soft drinks typically provided by the hosts.

There’s no expectation to take food or drink to a child’s party, that’s for adults. Children take cards and presents and parents host. Tbh some people think that’s it’s rude not to cater for guests for any hosted celebration but that varies.

If people in attendance are drinking alcohol they aren’t children!

They are still children though, they’re under 18 and not yet adults. They’re not able to buy alcohol for themselves in any location (the restaurant exemption they still need it bought by an adult)

Children also often need their parents to buy gifts they take to parties

that doesn’t make it any less rude to turn up without one

your argument is weak

*Children also often need their parents to buy gifts they take to parties

that doesn’t make it any less rude to turn up without one

your argument is weak*

it’d be rude to turn up without a gift. O/p’s dd took one.

why does that gift have to be alcohol?

No one said the gift had to be alcohol

Christ some on here really struggle with reading comprehension

No they don’t they buy their own gifts. And the difference is that they’re not legally allowed to buy alcohol.
ive hosted and been to a lot of kids parties. None have involved taking food and drink. Bit ridiculous to suggest that’s the norm. It’s also not the norm as an adult to provide other peoples children with never ending alcohol including spirits. It’s very different to the kids taking it themselves. And buying it specifically for them at the party is illegal

ive hosted and been to a lot of kids parties.

What age group?

The difference is It’s illegal for parents to buy their underage children alcohol to take to parties…! Did your parents really buy you alcohol as a teen to take to parties? I’m sure the odd “super cool” adult did back in the day, but it certainly wasn’t the norm. Mine never would had done such a thing. I’m baffled.

I mean FS it’s not a children’s party with squash and cocktail sausages it it?

Its completely normal and actually the done thing to bring your own booze to a party as a teenager.

Did none of you ever go out to parties when you were younger??
It’s not rude to not have bottomless booze for a bunch of teen.

A huge proportion of mumsnet have never lived in the real world it seems.

Seriously?? They’re 17 years old! We’re not talking about a house party 😂

They should have said it was byob if it was and not been shouting at kids. Madness.

When I was 17 you aren’t actually supposed to drink alcohol. It was something you did secretly 😂 I’d never knowingly provide my kid with booze.

I’m baffled.

No. You are living in a bubble. How old are your DC @Tandora?

This is what im so confused about! Do the parents also expect you to bring cigarette and weed?

Seriously?? They’re 17 years old! We’re not talking about a house party

Lol okay, have you ever met a 17 year old?
It was over 20 teenagers having a party with alcohol, of course it’s a house party.

Now, you're being ridiculous @BiscuitLover3678. Do you have 17 year olds?

No I would have just taken a gift. I don't expect people to bring drinks to a birthday party.

I have just dropped my 15 yo DD off to a friends party. She brought alcohol with her (not much) and her friend, who i also dropped off, brought her own too.

I wouldnt send her empty handed. However if i was the other mum in your situation, once theyd drank the booze i wouldnt have got more.

My parents wouldnt have bought it for me either but i used to nick stuff out of my dads drinks cabinet instead.