to think it's unreasonable to expect young teenagers to bring alcohol to the party

[SLS500]

My dd went to her friend's 17th birthday party. This has been planned for a while and we'd had brief chat a few days ago about whether there would be alcohol and she said yes. She's pretty sensible and has access to alcohol at home, but isn't interested and has never abused it, so I wasn't particularly concerned. Also, as it was a house party with the parents there I thought perhaps there'd be a few token beers, wine spritzers and soft drinks.

The parents had provided wine, gin, beers etc. and when this had finished they had to go out to buy more, but before doing so the mother who was clearly angry
shouted at the children they were all rude for not bringing a bottle as it was etiquette to do so.

Surely you wouldn't expect teenagers to think to take a bottle. She didn't go empty handed she took a birthday gift and card. She had two glasses of wine, so nothing excessive, but is upset for her friend who was embarrassed.

Of course everybody takes something to drink whether it's alcoholic or not. You can't expect the mother to buy drinks for a whole load of teenagers! It might cost a fortune.

At 16/17? I don't think so!!

At that age we were taking small bottles of vodka and bottles of cheap plonk to parties (or to sit in the park drinking before going 'out' - par if the course in the 90s)

Would never expect parents at a party to provide all the booze - that's really weird. Would expect a bit to get things going and that's all!

I wouldn't have taken alcohol to a 17 year olds party ! 18 yes... I'm clearly completely out of touch !!!!

Always brought our own if alcohol was going to be there we always took our own.

Fair enough - they seem young to me still :) There were about 24 of them and only a couple had taken a bottle. Oh well I don't think any of them will go to a party empty handed again.

17 year old dd is off to a party tonight, I have bought some fruity cider for her to take.

17 isn't a young teenager and yes of course theh shoupf have talen a bottle. The mother however should have said to her child to ask friends to BYOB and only a small bit will be provided

I would never provide under age teens with alcohol. Either to drink or to take to a party.

Yes, at 16/17 it is basic manners. If you are expecting to drink alcohol at a party, you take some.

How can you expect bring a bottle when they are too young to buy alcohol?? That’s ridiculous and the mother shouldn’t be providing excessive alcohol either. If she decided to do that and go out and buy more that’s on her but 16/17 year olds shouldn’t be provided with unlimited alcohol.

Maybe I'm being ridiculous but 18 is the legal age to buy alcohol here... how can you be annoyed that 17 year olds aren't turning up with something they're not legally old enough to buy yet? Plus not all parents would be willing to purchase alcohol for their teenager and they might not have their own money to spend on it. I think it's reasonable to turn up with a card and present. I wouldn't have brought alcohol to a party at that age (sweets and crisps etc maybe) and my parents would have hit the roof if I suggested it as they don't drink themselves (I do now but I'm also old enough to buy it myself). I think it's fine for the parents to provide x amount but if it were me and I was hosting the party for my child I'd want to limit the amount on offer I definitely wouldn't be going out to get more and getting annoyed if kids turned up with presents and no alcohol. Means less chance of them drinking to the point they need to go home?

Wow so people expect OP to break the law by encouraging- and presumably paying for - her 17 year old to bring alcohol to a party.

It's a very gray age and area - DS is 16 and we've recently started buying Peroni so he can bring that to parties- but I really don't think an adult can or should be annoyed that underage DCs haven't brought alcohol to a party.

Of course they take drinks! You expect the parents to provide booze for 24 17 year olds??

My 16 year old take a couple of pre-mixed cocktails to a party as that's as much as she wants to drink.

Also I'd be relieved that not many people had brought alcohol if I was the DM. Surely at that age the main worry is they drink too much without being able to handle it and vomit on the carpet or worse.

So they all turned up expecting to drink alcohol but not taking any? That's really cheeky. My teens and their friends always took their own drinks and then shared.

Oh well, they'll know for next time! I've got my 16 yr old a four pack of fruit ciders to take to a party tonight as it's definitely the done thing around here.

I don't think it is actually breaking the law.

Clearly you are doing it too though so it seems a bit odd to be aghast at the fact that others are.

When mine were younger their friends had to being their own bottle of whatever they wanted to drink because I refused to buy booze for anyone else's under age child. Bought my own children whatever they wanted.

I supplied the pizza and soft drinks / mixers.

@SLS500 I do think the mum was OTT for getting annoyed and embarrassing her child and going to get more. I would have left them to it.

It's not illegal for 16 and 17 year olds to drink in private homes, @rookiemere. It's even legal for them to be served alcohol in a restaurant with a meal.

It's illegal to sell them alcohol. We either pre-mix a (pretty weak) cocktail or buy a couple of those cocktails in a can.

@SoupDragon I do it, but if I was holding a party for DS thankfully apparently our house is too small and smells of dog, so he's only likely to have a party if we are away I wouldn't be annoyed because underage DCs hadn't brought alcohol.

Very rude to not take anything.

If you're drinking alcohol, you take some.

I’m not sure in hindsight HOW I used to get alcohol for parties because my parents never bought me it and I looked about 15 when I was even in my early 20s. YABU though - we always somehow brought our own… or more likely raided the disgusting “never touched” alcohol of our friends’ parents… Rice wine comes to mind 🤢

Crikey things have changed! I remember showing up at house parties, bag jangling full of Hooch or Barcardi Breezers!