to think it's unreasonable to expect young teenagers to bring alcohol to the party

[SLS500]

My dd went to her friend's 17th birthday party. This has been planned for a while and we'd had brief chat a few days ago about whether there would be alcohol and she said yes. She's pretty sensible and has access to alcohol at home, but isn't interested and has never abused it, so I wasn't particularly concerned. Also, as it was a house party with the parents there I thought perhaps there'd be a few token beers, wine spritzers and soft drinks.

The parents had provided wine, gin, beers etc. and when this had finished they had to go out to buy more, but before doing so the mother who was clearly angry
shouted at the children they were all rude for not bringing a bottle as it was etiquette to do so.

Surely you wouldn't expect teenagers to think to take a bottle. She didn't go empty handed she took a birthday gift and card. She had two glasses of wine, so nothing excessive, but is upset for her friend who was embarrassed.

i just don’t agree at all. They are teenagers. If the host didn’t want her teenage guests drinking her alcohol she shouldn’t have supplied it- absolutely no need at all. I maintain it’s completely bizarre for an adult woman to expect a teenager to supply alcohol to her premises when they are not of legal age to purchase it. But I suppose we shall have to agree to disagree!

Re. alcohol poisoning..It does happen.
An 11 yr old boy at an event showed up with a 'Flat' bottle of gin, playing the big ''I am''
I thought his parents knew, and that it was their Gin {they were at the event}

An hour later,
Someone came to get me to say the boy was very drunk, and had been locked into a rest room to 'Sober up'.

I found a very unwell, comatose child.
Luckily St John's Ambulance was at the event {Horses} so they came to check on him and said he was ill enough to warrant hospital.

He sent several days in the children's hospital with alcohol poisoning.

I’m more than willing to believe teen parties have alcohol, but I find it utterly bizarre that a bunch of adults/ parents think it’s “etiquette” for a teenager to bring alcohol to a party 😵‍💫

this.

I’d expect them to be smuggling in their own. Either “cool” parents slipping a bottle or 6 pack, sending the kid who looks 20 to the offie, or nicking the long forgotten bottle from the parents cupboard.

as the responsible adult I wouldn’t formally be endorsing alcohol at a 17th where the majority will still be 16. Let alone supplying more when they’d run out.

What????? They're under age.
I wouldn't either Op

Norm at 17 year old parties here is for parents to provide a small amount of beer/cider; the teenagers to sneak in more booze and for the parents to pretend they haven't noticed :)

If I'd been the party child parent I wouldn't have gone out to buy more.

As for how 17 year olds get alcohol - parents will buy it, or they have slightly older friends or siblings.

But that’s against the law.

How old are your DC @Cozytoesandtoast00?

There are a lot of naive parents on here if they think their teenagers haven't tried any alcohol at all by the age of 17.

it's not illegal for a 17 year old to drink alcohol in a private house.

Unless you are buying massive amounts for them to get bladdered in the park and cause trouble then realistically nibody is going to care that parents give their children a couple of cans for a party.

I though this was going to be a thread about 13-15 year olds! It is rude not to bring something. Be it cake or wine depending on what the parents are comfortable with them buying on their behalf.
Did they bring anything at all or just turned up empty handed? If empty handed I don't think she was being unreasonable to point out their poor etiquette they need to learn. But if it was she's unhappy with the choice of what they bought then she was being unreasonable.

Did they bring anything at all or just turned up empty handed?

o/p said her dd took a card and gift.

Dd (16) takes a bottle with her now - she's at 2 parties tonight

The idea is the teenagers take what parents are happy for them to have - parents have to buy it
Most of them take vodka at 17/18

Parents of the party host are expected to provide soft drinks/mixers, water, food to soak up the alcohol (& possibly a hose pipe & sick bucket depending if party is inside or out!)

So you'd expect the party host to provide all the alcohol?

100% this. This is how it was in my day

That's pretty much what happened when DD was an older teen.

I suspect that the posters on here who are seeing things in black and white either don't have older teenagers or their teens will totally go off the rails when they go to university.

I wouldn't expect underage teenagers to bring alcohol but I'd support them sensibly if they did. I'd supply some beers and lower alcoholic drinks but a lot of soft drinks.

When they run out they run out. That's on them.
No way would I be going out to buy more. It will be a life lesson for the birthday girl/boy for next time if they want a boozy party they have to organise it.

16 and 17 can legally drink with a meal
in a pub or restaurant (wine or beer)

The mum shouldn’t have shouted at them but if the teenagers want to drink they should have brought alcohol with them! I never went to a parent at that age where all the alcohol was provided by the host. In fact I am impressed the mum went out and bought more!!

good lesson in etiquette - if you are going to drink at a party take a bottle.

Of course you take your own drink to a party! It doesn't matter if that's a teen or an adult!

Realistically, shops can get prosecuted if they sell alcohol that they suspect is to be for under-age people, hence they must refuse to do so, as the cashier is legally responsible, I believe. Adults have been refused a bottle of wine in a shop if they’re with a toddler, never mind a teen. An extreme example, mind you.

24!!!! That's even worse. I wouldn't provide 24 people with all their alcohol for a night on any occasion!

Parties were always BYOB at that age, and she isn't a young teenager at 17.

The mother was wrong for shouting at them though. She's hosting so either she should have gone out to buy more if she was willing, or not gone out and told the teens that once the alcohol is gone there's no more

Well she is expecting the mother of the birthday child to break the law to provide her daughter with alcohol. So why would she not do the same?

I’m more than willing to believe teen parties have alcohol, but I find it utterly bizarre that a bunch of adults/ parents think it’s “etiquette” for a teenager to bring alcohol to a party 😵‍💫

This. I think the replies on here are indicative of the country's dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. A teen birthday party where the guests are expected to bring booze is absolutely bizarre.

Do you really not see the issue isn’t expecting children to bring booze

the key is the child didn’t bring any but decided to drink the hosts supply

Its incredibly rude to do that.