to think it's unreasonable to expect young teenagers to bring alcohol to the party

[SLS500]

My dd went to her friend's 17th birthday party. This has been planned for a while and we'd had brief chat a few days ago about whether there would be alcohol and she said yes. She's pretty sensible and has access to alcohol at home, but isn't interested and has never abused it, so I wasn't particularly concerned. Also, as it was a house party with the parents there I thought perhaps there'd be a few token beers, wine spritzers and soft drinks.

The parents had provided wine, gin, beers etc. and when this had finished they had to go out to buy more, but before doing so the mother who was clearly angry
shouted at the children they were all rude for not bringing a bottle as it was etiquette to do so.

Surely you wouldn't expect teenagers to think to take a bottle. She didn't go empty handed she took a birthday gift and card. She had two glasses of wine, so nothing excessive, but is upset for her friend who was embarrassed.

Ah didn't know that, thanks.
I'd still not expect underage teens to bring a bottle as a matter of course.

I disagree.

it’s a 17th. If they can’t legally buy it I also don’t think adults should be expected to buy it for them.

i accept that 17 year olds will drink, but I’d want to know the parents were OK with alcohol before I sent dc along.

i wouldn’t want a party of 17 year olds getting out of hand either, some may be alcohol naive.

i wouldn’t have gone out to buy more either though. Once they drink what’s provided that’s it,m.

I'm also just thinking tbh that I'd feel really weird about providing alcohol for someone else's underage kid unless I knew the parents and I knew they'd given permission for their kid to be drinking. That just sounds like a potential nightmare for those parents putting it on offer and then risking one of the kids getting wrote and having their angry parents land at the door questioning why their under 18 was given alcohol...

17 isn't a young teenager, it's almost an adult. I would expect them to bring their own.

Yes BYOB if you want to drink alcohol. Soft drinks always provided.

No, Teens that age aren’t allowed to buy alcohol, so how can they bring a bottle? I know lots do, but it can’t be expected by the adult host/parent. A shop can and will also refuse to sell alcohol to an adult if they suspect it could be used to be given to someone under age.

Yes I'd expect them to bring something why should this mother provide it all?

Surprised by some of the answers here. Most mums I know are trying to keep excess booze out of their 17yo’s parties, not chastising the kids for not bringing more in.

Surely they would have discussed the party beforehand so would know if its a boozy one or not. Seems really strange 17 yos wouldn't have talked about it already and organised it.

How do you suggest the teen buys it, then? I’m baffled by this thread.

They may be almost an adult but it's still illegal for shops or pubs to serve them alcohol.

I'd absolutely expect my dd to provide her own alcohol. In fact I would feel uncomfortable with her drinking unknown quantities and I would say a poor parenting judgment on the parent who provided alcohol to underage teens. When my dc did parties we never provided alcohol for others children. Or food they would do a pizza order and split it.

But if they said they were providing I can see why you would think dc didn't need anything. I'd assume a miscommunication between parents and child.

You always BYO either booze or soft drinks at that age.

If you want to drink it, you take it. Expecting host parents to provide is very rude.

If she was planning to drink, even a couple of glasses of wine, yes she should have taken a bottle.

However the mother shouting at the kids is unfair. As would be expecting the parents to go out and top up the booze. If I was the parent and the booze ran out, that would not be my problem to solve. They'd have to switch to soft drinks if they were unable to get served.

Yes this. My kids aren't that old yet, but I'd be happy to provide a small amount of alcohol (glass of wine, beer, cocktail tin) each, then when it's gone, it's gone.
I'd then be ticking off a successful birthday with no drunk teens.
Theoretically though, I would provide my own 17 year old with some alcohol to take along to a party, so I am surprised you say that almost none of them did.

DD 16 off to a house party tonight and is taking more than one bottle. I didn’t suggest it, it’s just the norm for her and her friends.

YABU

she rocked up to someone else’s house and drank their alcohol. Etiquette for house parties is you bring your own supply so to speak.

This is bizarre. They aren’t legally allowed to buy alcohol so why should they be expected to bring it to a party.
I’d be kind of pissed off at a parent who gave my underage child alcohol at a party to be honest.

And?

this is a private residence

If they plan to drink they should bring their own

Its basic manners

I must have missed the Debretts guide to etiquette on what to do when your DC is invited to a party age 16/17 then.

Seems odd that many expect teenagers to bring their own alcohol and for the host to not actually offer up very much at all except their house,but you learn something new every day.

Thank goodness the only parties happening at our house will be when we are away so the young people can sort themselves out.

This was my take when I hosted 16/17 year old parties. If they showed up with their own I wouldn’t take it off them, and I bought a couple of ciders for my own DC and a load of cans of coke (which mostly got used as mixers tbh).
Last thing I want to contend with the next day is someone’s angry mum. I’ve enough to deal with cleaning crisps out of the carpet.