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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend being overly generous?

139 replies

Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 15:48

My ds (10) started guitar lessons at school but after first four weeks needed to supply his own guitar, we planned to get him one for Xmas so I asked in my friends group chat if anyone had one we could borrow for a couple of months, one of my friends immediately said yes and dropped it off that night.
the next few weeks after the instructor had visited school my son would come out and say his tutor had said what a great guitar he had, was it his mum or dads etc, I assumed he was just being nice and encouraging, we were at parents evening last night and the note from the tutor (who wasn’t there) said my son was progressing extremely quickly and had he been getting extra lessons from the owner of the “fantastic guitar” my husband and I (and the class teacher) were all a bit puzzled and we moved on.
this morning I googled the guitar and it’s worth £12,000! It’s in a soft case (not a hard one) my friend brought it in and I’ve been putting it in the boot with shopping and bags etc all rattling around! I’m mortified! I’d never have let my son take it, he has dyspraxia and can be clumsy (as can I!) I’m actually annoyed she didn’t tell me! I’m having a panic attack thinking about it in the boot with tins of soup rolling around on way home from school etc my husband thinks it’s funny, my friend is well off but has kids of her own so knows what they can be like! Aibu to be annoyed at her for not telling me the value?

OP posts:
whenimakeithome · 28/10/2022 15:51

🙄

KitchiHuritAngeni · 28/10/2022 15:52

Its safe to assume that your friend doesn't know the guitar is worth 12k.

Why be annoyed?

Randomness12 · 28/10/2022 15:52

I’d be a bit nervous, and maybe ask her if she realises the value? She may have inherited it for example given the odd case and just not realise? I’d tell her the story of how impressed the teacher is etc and say you were shocked but keep it light.

On the other hand, If your friend is very wealthy, she may just not be that worried about it and just wanted to help your son. He’s doing well so mission accomplished.

MRSE20 · 28/10/2022 15:53

Is there any chance that your friend doesn’t realise the value of the guitar?

MRSE20 · 28/10/2022 15:54

I would probably just phone her and tell her what tutor said and say you have been told the value and thought you’d call her to let her know

Greenqueen40 · 28/10/2022 15:54

Obviously give it back! No way you can risk damaging that

TempName01 · 28/10/2022 15:55

Ring her and tell her 🤣

Original poster
Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 15:56

I didn’t even think she wouldn’t know, I’ve just messaged her telling her the rotor was raving about it and now I’m worried I’ve been chucking a valuable guitar in my boot with the shopping, it’s her husbands but he was with her when they dropped it off

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 28/10/2022 15:57

Flog it, change your name, block her number and move house. Or… let her know the value and suggest she takes it back?

Arenanewbie · 28/10/2022 15:57

Are you sure she knows how expensive it is? Maybe she’s got it from her relatives and hasn’t realised its value. I wouldn’t be angry, some people are more relaxed about this then others but I would definitely chat with her about it.
I’ve got a friend once she would do the same, she would give you her last money or expensive things without blinking an eyelid, she wouldn’t be upset if you’d damage them. However she expected the same attitude in return towards her. She wasn’t very rich by the way.

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 28/10/2022 15:59

She

  1. knows the value but thinks the guitar is wasted sitting in dust in her house and wants it to be used.
  2. Doesn't give a fig about the value, maybe someone she doesn't like gave it to her and she just wants to be rid of it/rehome it.
  3. Is so rich, doesn't give a damn.
  4. doesn't realize the value.

Maybe just find another guitar for your son, say thanks to friend and return her guitar.

Blossomtoes · 28/10/2022 16:06

She wanted him to have it and knew you wouldn’t take it if you knew what it was worth. I think it’s one or all of @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake‘s first three suggestions.

Dorisbonson · 28/10/2022 16:07

If it's worth 12k I would check with her and see if she didn't realise and now she knows if she wants it back. If she didn't know the value then she can take it back and offer to buy your son a cheaper one which no one will feel guilty about damaging

Original poster
Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 16:08

She’s messaged straight back saying her husband has a lot of guitars, a laughing emoji and that one isn’t worth quite as much as I thought (9k v 12k) and they are just glad someone is using it cause it hangs on his office wall, she said she’s told him to sell some lots and he won’t, she’s insisting it’s fine for my son to use it and will bring me a hard case “so I feel better” that £99 Argos guitar Santa is bringing will be some let down for him! Im still annoyed! What if I’d broken it? I think we will just return it for now! It’s too much responsibility for my son (and me ;))

OP posts:
Weirdlynormal · 28/10/2022 16:09

She’s not worried, don’t worry

WhosafraidofVirginiaWoolf · 28/10/2022 16:12

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth OP.

You have a very kind and generous friend.

Blossomtoes · 28/10/2022 16:12

Please don’t return it, that’s a real slap in the face. Just take care of it.

AffIt · 28/10/2022 16:16

Musical instruments are supposed to be played - the absolute worst thing you can do is have them hanging around unused, because that's when they warp / split / get damaged.

Presumably your friend and her husband know the inherent risks associated with giving an expensive instrument to a beginner, weighed them up and went with it - it's on them. The flight case will hopefully make you feel better, though.

I'm in a band and have lots of musician friends, and loads of them (especially the men - I know NAMALT, but it is a very male thing among musicians) acquire unbelievably expensive instruments like most people buy socks. It's their thing.

PremsDhaba · 28/10/2022 16:16

She sounds lovely. Yes you are unreasonable to be annoyed at having a kind friend. I'm sure your child won't be let down by having their own guitar bought for them 🙄.

drawstringbags · 28/10/2022 16:17

Well in that case, thank her and say your son will do his best to look after it. Then do your best to help him do his best, and you won't have to feel guilty should any damage occur.

RambamThankyouMam · 28/10/2022 16:17

Sell it for £12k and say you "lost" it 🤷🏽‍♀️

SellingFairytales · 28/10/2022 16:18

Don't be annoyed at her, she and her husband sound absolutely lovely.

BlueKaftan · 28/10/2022 16:21

You’re a bit shit for looking up the value!

7eleven · 28/10/2022 16:21

I understand why you might be uncomfortable being responsible for it, but why annoyed? It’s incredibly generous of your friend.

Notagain12 · 28/10/2022 16:23

BlueKaftan · 28/10/2022 16:21

You’re a bit shit for looking up the value!

Why? They’re borrowing it so what’s the issue with knowing how much it’s worth it the tutor kept commenting?!

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