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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at my friend being overly generous?

139 replies

Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 15:48

My ds (10) started guitar lessons at school but after first four weeks needed to supply his own guitar, we planned to get him one for Xmas so I asked in my friends group chat if anyone had one we could borrow for a couple of months, one of my friends immediately said yes and dropped it off that night.
the next few weeks after the instructor had visited school my son would come out and say his tutor had said what a great guitar he had, was it his mum or dads etc, I assumed he was just being nice and encouraging, we were at parents evening last night and the note from the tutor (who wasn’t there) said my son was progressing extremely quickly and had he been getting extra lessons from the owner of the “fantastic guitar” my husband and I (and the class teacher) were all a bit puzzled and we moved on.
this morning I googled the guitar and it’s worth £12,000! It’s in a soft case (not a hard one) my friend brought it in and I’ve been putting it in the boot with shopping and bags etc all rattling around! I’m mortified! I’d never have let my son take it, he has dyspraxia and can be clumsy (as can I!) I’m actually annoyed she didn’t tell me! I’m having a panic attack thinking about it in the boot with tins of soup rolling around on way home from school etc my husband thinks it’s funny, my friend is well off but has kids of her own so knows what they can be like! Aibu to be annoyed at her for not telling me the value?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 28/10/2022 16:24

Blossomtoes · 28/10/2022 16:12

Please don’t return it, that’s a real slap in the face. Just take care of it.

This

Your friend does something really kind for
YoH and you're annoyed. I'm glad you're not my friend tbh

KillingLoneliness · 28/10/2022 16:25

Honestly you sounds like you have a lovely friend who is more than happy to help and she doesn’t sound worried in the slightest!

Jellybean23 · 28/10/2022 16:25

Don't be annoyed at your friend, she doesn't deserve that. You've queried it with her, she's said it's fine and will provide a more protective case. Let your son enjoy playing it. A little bit of responsibility to look after it and trust from you will do him good.

Bookishish · 28/10/2022 16:27

£99 Argos guitar Santa is bringing will be some let down for him!

Don't worry about this at all- a great guitar makes a difference for an experienced player but for a beginner it really doesn’t make a lot of difference. You can get a perfectly decent first guitar for £99 and I’m sure your son will love it because it’s his.

SkylightSkylight · 28/10/2022 16:28

@Fantasticfourty how long is she happy to lend her husbands guitar to you for?

if it's indefinitely, just explain to your son that it's expensive, use the hard case & stop bugging it in the boot with the shopping (which you shouldn't have been doing no matter the value)

INSURE IT. Or check if it's already insured well enough for the situation.

it would be dreadful to make your son go to a £99 guitar after playing a £9000 guitar if you don't have to.

just check the insurance & take care of it. She knows your son, so surely she knows he's dyspraxic & the risk she's taking?!

Glittertwins · 28/10/2022 16:30

Please don't put a musical instrument in the boot of a car either.

autienotnaughty · 28/10/2022 16:31

I understand completely your not ungrateful you are worried you may damage something you can't afford. I'd explain to friend if it got damaged you couldn't afford to replace it.

Dahliasstillinbloom · 28/10/2022 16:32

Is it even insured in case it’s stolen ?

Jaggerdagger · 28/10/2022 16:33

Glittertwins · 28/10/2022 16:30

Please don't put a musical instrument in the boot of a car either.

Why? I’m a pro musician and it’s perfectly fine in the boot of the car on the way to gigs etc… where else should it be put?!

Glittertwins · 28/10/2022 16:36

Back seat of car and secured in case of a rear end shunt damaging whatever is in the boot. After having a car shortened by about 3 feet, I don't even put a violin in the boot.

Happyher · 28/10/2022 16:36

She sounds like a kind person. She probably knew how you’d react if she told you but knew that rather than have it stuffed inside cupboard it was better for it to be used and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t throw her kindness back in her face

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/10/2022 16:37

I think you need to thank the friend for her generosity but tell her that you are concerned at being a caretaker for such a valuable instrument. Ask her what her expectations are if it were to be damaged or stolen and if its insured.
Then at least you know what the terms of this loan are and can decide if you want to continue taking this risk.
PS.. are there any guitar repair shops in the area? Or check out musical suppliers like Andertons which has a second hand section. You can sometimes get a beautiful pre owned guitar at a bargain price - better than Argos.

Sunshinebug · 28/10/2022 16:38

It’s fine as she is fine, and great for your kid to have looked after it and got good use from it but I’d be worried about it getting stolen or creating peer jealousies etc if word got out about the cost so I’d probably go with the Argos one for school. If it’s lessons at the weekend where there is less risk then I’d feel more relaxed.

JonSnowedUnder · 28/10/2022 16:39

This would stress me out. Get him a cheap guitar, I've seen them in Argos for £50 and hide the expensive one in your bedroom for a bit then give it back to friend along with your thanks and some wine/flowers. I would not be letting any of my DC out and about with anything of that value.

CustardySergeant · 28/10/2022 16:39

Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 16:08

She’s messaged straight back saying her husband has a lot of guitars, a laughing emoji and that one isn’t worth quite as much as I thought (9k v 12k) and they are just glad someone is using it cause it hangs on his office wall, she said she’s told him to sell some lots and he won’t, she’s insisting it’s fine for my son to use it and will bring me a hard case “so I feel better” that £99 Argos guitar Santa is bringing will be some let down for him! Im still annoyed! What if I’d broken it? I think we will just return it for now! It’s too much responsibility for my son (and me ;))

You're still annoyed! Good grief! I can't believe your attitude to your friend's kindness.

TheLoupGarou · 28/10/2022 16:39

What? Don't return it! They are happy to lend it to you, just look after it and tell your son the same.

Lochjeda · 28/10/2022 16:39

Bit out of order throwing it in the boot with shopping thrown on it anyway regardless of the value when it isn't yours.

Sunshinebug · 28/10/2022 16:39

He could practice on the expensive one at home, cheap one for school. I used to play an instrument and did something similar using school v tutor kit depending on where my lessons were.

Chesure · 28/10/2022 16:41

What a lovely friend! Please don't return it to her. It'll make her feel worse and worry about lending stuff in future.

Just be really careful with it between now and Christmas. Her and her husband clearly want it to be used. Please don't throw the gesture back in their faces.

chisum · 28/10/2022 16:43

Is it a Gibson?

Realityloom · 28/10/2022 16:43

There's some things you don't borrow. This is one of them.... guitar's are not cheap I know that's at the higher end but to borrow for a few months would be a no no from me. Give it back ASAP!

Just explain your worried it will get broken.

5YearsLeft · 28/10/2022 16:44

OP’s son: “I need to borrow a guitar for my lessons.”
OP: “Hmm, maybe my old pals Sting and Trudie have a cheap one to lend.”

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 28/10/2022 16:44

YABU for being annoyed at a friend who's done something nice for you.

MrsMontyD · 28/10/2022 16:44

I would imagine your friends husband has it insured, that's presumably why they're not too worried about it.

You could add it to your house insurance for home and away if you're that concerned.

butterfliedtwo · 28/10/2022 16:50

Lochjeda · 28/10/2022 16:39

Bit out of order throwing it in the boot with shopping thrown on it anyway regardless of the value when it isn't yours.

Yeah. Whatever the value, look after things you borrow. Or she's likely to be annoyed with you, which would be reasonable.