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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at my friend being overly generous?

139 replies

Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 15:48

My ds (10) started guitar lessons at school but after first four weeks needed to supply his own guitar, we planned to get him one for Xmas so I asked in my friends group chat if anyone had one we could borrow for a couple of months, one of my friends immediately said yes and dropped it off that night.
the next few weeks after the instructor had visited school my son would come out and say his tutor had said what a great guitar he had, was it his mum or dads etc, I assumed he was just being nice and encouraging, we were at parents evening last night and the note from the tutor (who wasn’t there) said my son was progressing extremely quickly and had he been getting extra lessons from the owner of the “fantastic guitar” my husband and I (and the class teacher) were all a bit puzzled and we moved on.
this morning I googled the guitar and it’s worth £12,000! It’s in a soft case (not a hard one) my friend brought it in and I’ve been putting it in the boot with shopping and bags etc all rattling around! I’m mortified! I’d never have let my son take it, he has dyspraxia and can be clumsy (as can I!) I’m actually annoyed she didn’t tell me! I’m having a panic attack thinking about it in the boot with tins of soup rolling around on way home from school etc my husband thinks it’s funny, my friend is well off but has kids of her own so knows what they can be like! Aibu to be annoyed at her for not telling me the value?

OP posts:
Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 05:45

Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 21:54

I started at thread to ask if I was being unreasonable not to whinge ;)

Aibu to be annoyed at her for not telling me the value?

pretty whiny to me!

twinmum2022 · 29/10/2022 06:11

You're lucky to have such a lovely friend.

You should have been looking after it regardless of price, explain to your son it's expensive and ask if it can be kept in the office at school or something until he needs it that day, and then put it back if you're worried about other kids. He's 10 so capable of understanding.

Let's hope your friend doesn't have mumsnet hey! And AIBU threads are 9/10 just a whinge to drum up support. And then defending their own opinion when no one agrees with them...

RogersOrganismicProcess · 29/10/2022 06:17

Your friend sounds lovely and has the right attitude. The cost is a red herring. She gave your son the use of one of her possessions to help him learn, and enhance his life. She did this knowing about his dyspraxia, her informed risk to take.

It could have been worth £9 or £9000 but you should have treated her offering with the same level or care, respect and kindness it was given. Not chuck it about, then blame her afterwards. Your irritation at her seems like a bit of projection for the poor way you have treated her offering.

Brbreeze · 29/10/2022 06:33

If her husband has multiple expensive guitars I'm sure he has them insured.

That said, my husband has many expensive guitars and he wouldn't let me hold one let alone a child 😂

I do appreciate the mentality of someone rather having them played and enjoyed 😊

OooooSweetVampireOMine · 29/10/2022 07:20

5YearsLeft · 28/10/2022 16:44

OP’s son: “I need to borrow a guitar for my lessons.”
OP: “Hmm, maybe my old pals Sting and Trudie have a cheap one to lend.”

🤣

Beroccadays · 29/10/2022 07:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Justnosing · 29/10/2022 07:37

Fantasticfourty · 28/10/2022 21:56

What If another kid in school accidentally damaged it? What if Ivor my son accidentally damaged it?

I think your friend is grown up enough to know that that could happen, she obviously doesn’t mind so I’d just leave it be and be thankful for the gift

MenopauseSucks · 29/10/2022 07:43

Firstly put it on your house insurance!
Is there any way you can get a cheap guitar for your son to take to school & use the more expensive one for practising at home?
He'll still get the benefit of playing the lovely guitar but you don't have to worry about it getting damaged!

PrawnMinister · 29/10/2022 07:48

I appreciate that repaying a 9k guitar is a bigger punch in the guts than repaying for an accidentally damaged £99 guitar however the principle of looking after someone else's borrowed item is emotionally equally heavy due to the possible sentimental value (which people may not have told you about) and the trust burden. This is why I avoid borrowing. I just can't be bothered about the hassle and know how people don't tell you the full story (how it belonged to great grandma or a really special) until it's been broken or lost.

PrawnMinister · 29/10/2022 07:54

By the way, if you knew those particular friend's husband is into guitars, it's likely all his guitars are sentimental and or expensive so why would you ask him? A professional musician or an avid musician is unlikely to have a £99 guitar knocking about that they don't care about. It will all be good quality or special to them.
They probably knew they couldn't pretend to have no guitar to spare.
So again, I just wouldn't have asked to borrow.

Denny53 · 29/10/2022 07:54

Your friend has done you a lovely favour and you’re annoyed? How ungrateful!!

PrawnMinister · 29/10/2022 07:57

People just don't get it. They keep posting she's done you a great service. She's also done you a great burden. This is why money can make things tricky. Never a lender or borrower be is my moto.

Razzle5 · 29/10/2022 11:29

PrawnMinister · 29/10/2022 07:57

People just don't get it. They keep posting she's done you a great service. She's also done you a great burden. This is why money can make things tricky. Never a lender or borrower be is my moto.

Yeah we “get it”

We just don’t see it as something to be “annoyed” about

Derbee · 29/10/2022 14:58

I feel like this could be a Bing storyline.

Bing wants to learn guitar, but doesn’t have one/buy one.
Friend lends Bing a nice guitar
Bing gets upset/frustrated that it’s lovely and valuable
Friend has to apologise for doing something kind and generous for Bing.

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