To be annoyed at my friend being overly generous?

[Fantasticfourty]

My ds (10) started guitar lessons at school but after first four weeks needed to supply his own guitar, we planned to get him one for Xmas so I asked in my friends group chat if anyone had one we could borrow for a couple of months, one of my friends immediately said yes and dropped it off that night.
the next few weeks after the instructor had visited school my son would come out and say his tutor had said what a great guitar he had, was it his mum or dads etc, I assumed he was just being nice and encouraging, we were at parents evening last night and the note from the tutor (who wasn’t there) said my son was progressing extremely quickly and had he been getting extra lessons from the owner of the “fantastic guitar” my husband and I (and the class teacher) were all a bit puzzled and we moved on.
this morning I googled the guitar and it’s worth £12,000! It’s in a soft case (not a hard one) my friend brought it in and I’ve been putting it in the boot with shopping and bags etc all rattling around! I’m mortified! I’d never have let my son take it, he has dyspraxia and can be clumsy (as can I!) I’m actually annoyed she didn’t tell me! I’m having a panic attack thinking about it in the boot with tins of soup rolling around on way home from school etc my husband thinks it’s funny, my friend is well off but has kids of her own so knows what they can be like! Aibu to be annoyed at her for not telling me the value?

In fairness I kind of think if she'd lent you anything no matter the value you'd look after it in the same way because its hers and that's the respectful thing to do. She doesn't seem to mind so I think you're over thinking it. If you're that uncomfortable then give it back and see if you can rent one until Christmas.

I imagine once you’d gotten over the initial surprise at the value, the real issue you’re put out is that you feel that the shine has been taken off your Christmas present to your son isn’t it? Don’t ruin a kind gesture and the chance for your son to practise using something pretty amazing over this. He can have the best of both if you let him.

What make is the guitar?

Your friend sounds lovely and you sound a bit ungrateful!

It’s a Martin

I think you are the one that needs to read my post! I didn’t fling it around and have nowhere said I did! I put it in the car boot with my shopping and my shopping rolled about the boot, I have 4 kids in the car on the way to school so literally nowhere else to put it !

I’m reading these with my friend now! She has apologised for not giving me the heads up and I’ve apologised for letting my kidney beans and chopped tomato roll next to it! I’ve said that school will not be happy with it being left in the hall with all the other instruments (they won’t) so they are lending me a less expensive one, they are a very lovely generous thoughtful couple but an expensive guitar left around a load of running around kids is a potential disaster!

How lovely that your friend & her DH lent it long term to your son - great that you have genuinely lovely friends who care about your DS and having a guitar to play on - when he's famous he can give them front row tickets to his concerts

I'm honk yabu. You should be careful with anything you borrow, regardless of how much it's worth.

So you messaged your friend, but now she’s with you, reading the replies.

Your son was using the guitar for weeks, but now the school isn’t happy with him using it as it’s too valuable?

ok.

So you’re rude and ungrateful and have now lied to your friend. You really don’t deserve her, she should have better friends.

I think you are the one that needs to read my post! I didn’t fling it around and have nowhere said I did! I put it in the car boot with my shopping and my shopping rolled about the boot, I have 4 kids in the car on the way to school so literally nowhere else to put it !

Is that really what you took from my reply?

To respond to that - I apologise and concede that as you didn't fling it then that is incorrect on my part.
It doesn't avoid that you have a duty of care to look after loaned property irrespective of the value and that includes taking reasonable steps to ensure it is secure from things rolling around your boot that could cause damage.

I stand by my reply in regards to doing a bit of self analysis.
Your friend sounds lovely and has helped you immensely, yet you are annoyed.

It is such a strange reaction that I wonder whether the post was intended to be inflammatory.

I’ve had a very similar experience and DS is very chuffed that he’s been trusted with such an instrument and enjoyed that his music teacher was impressed with it.

We had a chat about the value of it and that he has to really take care of it, and so far we’ve had no problems.

My friend is also incredibly generous, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we are told to keep the guitar in the end.

My DH has a number of expensive guitars (nothing at that price!) and he's very careful with them bringing them around, but not to a crazy degree. However, for an acoustic guitar he'd always use a hard case shell.

It's so much easier to learn and enjoy a good guitar. For that price, I'd almost be thinking about insurance.

I realised it must be a Martin after I posted. They have such a lovely sound. My Dad is a keen collector & we've visited the Martin guitar factory in Pennsylvania a couple of times. Amazing experience!

Your friend sounds lovely, and it's just as I expected, she knows the value and doesn't care. Some people are like that, they would rather someone else got pleasure out of a valuable item than it sitting gathering dust. Stop focussing on the value and just let your son enjoy the guitar - not everything is about money!

Yabvu and dramatic. Your friend has gave your son a good guitar, why on earth are you upset?

I definitely know where you are coming from op. If my dd had been given the loan of anything, regardless of its value, I would have been telling her to take the greatest care of it. However I wouldn't like her to have the loan of anything I couldn't afford to replace if it was damaged. If it is left in the hall, he can't personally supervise it all the time. If something she borrowed was damaged I would want to replace it instantly. A £100 guitar ...not a problem. A £9000 guitar ...I really could not replace and I would be mortified if it was damaged. It was extremely generous of your friend but not only you, but your ds too, would be extremely upset if it was damaged.

Fair enough point about not taking it into school in case of damage.

However, no way should your friend be feeling bad and apologising for such a kind gesture.

Thank goodness she apologised to you! Who needs friends like her?🙄

Why the hell did she apologise?

Because my 10 year old son has dyspraxia and isn’t responsible enough to look after a £9000 guitar and I don’t really want that responsibility either! Just because she doesn’t mind if it gets damaged doesn’t mean I don’t, the guilt would crucify me not to mention the stress of replacing it! :) although I am grateful for her trust and efforts I’d have rather been informed what I was taking on, I didn’t even know guitars could be that valuable, she tells me it’s not even his most valuable, my mind was blown, she apologised in the same lighthearted was I was annoyed :)

I started at thread to ask if I was being unreasonable not to whinge ;)

What If another kid in school accidentally damaged it? What if Ivor my son accidentally damaged it?