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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this hen party organiser is a CF

152 replies

AnnoyedHenAttendee · 27/10/2022 14:34

Going to a hen weekend next month. There’s the usual costs of activities, drinks, meal, transport, accommodation etc. Also covering the hen’s costs between us. Fine with me, same as every hen do I’ve been on (and I’m old so there’s been quite a few!).

Whats not fine is that the chief bridesmaid has booked an additional spa day for the bride and has asked told us all to contribute £20 as our “share” each. This isn’t part of the hen weekend, it’s happening at a weekend closer to the wedding.

Everyone else has said what a lovely idea it is and has transferred their money 🙄. I’m not keen, I think it would have been polite to at least float the idea first before booking. I’d also never assume everyone has got a spare £20 they don’t need!

If I say I’m not paying I look like I’m being really awkward and they’ve divided the cost up now (apparently), so they’d have to ask everyone else for a bit more. But I’m also bloody annoyed it’s been booked with the assumption that we’ll all cough up.

AIBU to tell her she’s a CF?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 27/10/2022 14:36

Tbh, after going on a hen do and everything that comes with it, an additional £20 is neither here nor there.

defineme · 27/10/2022 14:37

You're not being unreasonable, but for the sake of avoiding drama I'd keep quiet and pay.

Irritatedmum · 27/10/2022 14:38

I’d be wondering exactly what I’d be paying for - just the bride to go on her own? Or her plus a guest? Because I’d hate to hear the hen do organiser was going with her… How many of you are there?

Dacadactyl · 27/10/2022 14:39

defineme · 27/10/2022 14:37

You're not being unreasonable, but for the sake of avoiding drama I'd keep quiet and pay.

This.

Overthebow · 27/10/2022 14:40

Irritatedmum · 27/10/2022 14:38

I’d be wondering exactly what I’d be paying for - just the bride to go on her own? Or her plus a guest? Because I’d hate to hear the hen do organiser was going with her… How many of you are there?

Yep, I would probably pay as a present for the bride, but I wouldn’t pay if it covers a ‘guest’ too.

BlackberryCat · 27/10/2022 14:42

Id pay but I think it might be time to mention that you’re not paying for anything else now. Because I’m guessing there will be more and more she expects you all to chip in for.

hamstersarse · 27/10/2022 14:43

Thank the lord I have not been on a hen do for many years. They sound unbearable these days.

Not as bad as baby showers, but getting there

You already know YANBU but also that you will have to pay. Suck it up.

Pixiedust1234 · 27/10/2022 14:44

I wouldn't like it either. However I would pay the £20 as its a relatively small amount, if it had been £50 I would have pushed back. Out of interest is it just for the bride, or another guest as well?

rosesinmygarden · 27/10/2022 14:45

Hmm, I'd pay it as it's only £20 but I'd have to say something.

Probably something like ... I've paid the £20. Am I safe assume this is everything we are going to have to pay now? If there are going to be other costs for thinfs arranged, perhaps we could all agree it first so there are no more 'surprise bills'.

Loics · 27/10/2022 14:46

That is cheeky, and I definitely wouldn't pay.

rosesinmygarden · 27/10/2022 14:46

I'd also be nosey and ask exactly what (and who) it's paying for.

viques · 27/10/2022 14:47

How many of you are there? If there are only three or four then that’s a pretty cheap spa day. If there are ten or more that is turning into more of a spa day plus which is a whole different ball game. I would also wonder if this was a bogof benefitting the organiser.

Darbs76 · 27/10/2022 14:49

Who is going on that? Is this something for the bride and the CF? Is £20 for the bride’s cost or the CF’s share too?

Original poster
AnnoyedHenAttendee · 27/10/2022 14:49

Thanks all. As far as I can tell it’s just for the bride, as between us the cost seems to add up to the place she’s going to.

I suppose I’m partly annoyed as when I had my own hen party I was very mindful of the costs and made sure we went for a meal at a very affordable restaurant. I’d have been horrified if I found out cash had been demanded from friends/family for a present without asking them first

OP posts:
MRSE20 · 27/10/2022 14:51

I would feel the same as you on this one

I think if chief bridesmaid thought it would a nice idea to do a spa day for bride she should of

  1. gifted it to her with her own money or
  2. put in group chat “hey, let me know if any of you are able to contribute as I think this would be a lovely gift for her if any of you can afford too?”

I do think it’s a bit cheeky what she did but I would send the £20 to avoid any drama but then say you can’t pay anymore

Lobelia123 · 27/10/2022 14:51

For heavens sake....how many gifts, nights out, celebrations and other fuckwittery has to go on around what is really a deeply personal event between two people and a general nice event for their families and friends??? At this point its all becoming a bit commercial and stupid. I really feel for you! Maybe $20 in itself is not an astronomical amount, but added on top of everything else it looms large,

Newmum0322 · 27/10/2022 14:52

It’s defo CF territory.

I’d pay it and then put a message out along the lines of “hi, just transferred it over so should be with you shortly. In future, if there’s anything else you need us to contribute too just let me know in advance, it’s not a lot but these things add up and I’m on a bit of a budget”.

Daisychainsx · 27/10/2022 14:53

I was invited to a hen do and the CF organising it asked everyone, on top of the costs of everything (probably all in £1k), for £100pp extra to buy bits and bobs for the bride.
I told her to jog on.
Hen parties should be a drink and a laugh with your friends, not these 7 night all expenses paid trips across the globe with bride tribe bikinis and your own hashtag 🤯

Original poster
AnnoyedHenAttendee · 27/10/2022 14:53

This is exactly what I would have done!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnoyedHenAttendee · 27/10/2022 14:53

Sorry, that was @MRSE20

OP posts:
voiceofmarion · 27/10/2022 14:54

I was invited to a hen do and the CF organising it asked everyone, on top of the costs of everything (probably all in £1k), for £100pp extra to buy bits and bobs for the bride.
I told her to jog on

what was the response? Very cheeky asking for that amount.

Original poster
AnnoyedHenAttendee · 27/10/2022 14:55

Daisychainsx · 27/10/2022 14:53

I was invited to a hen do and the CF organising it asked everyone, on top of the costs of everything (probably all in £1k), for £100pp extra to buy bits and bobs for the bride.
I told her to jog on.
Hen parties should be a drink and a laugh with your friends, not these 7 night all expenses paid trips across the globe with bride tribe bikinis and your own hashtag 🤯

wow, this is a drop in the ocean in comparison!

OP posts:
Obki · 27/10/2022 14:55

Daisychainsx · 27/10/2022 14:53

I was invited to a hen do and the CF organising it asked everyone, on top of the costs of everything (probably all in £1k), for £100pp extra to buy bits and bobs for the bride.
I told her to jog on.
Hen parties should be a drink and a laugh with your friends, not these 7 night all expenses paid trips across the globe with bride tribe bikinis and your own hashtag 🤯

£1k each for a hen do? Shock

Original poster
AnnoyedHenAttendee · 27/10/2022 14:57

Newmum0322 · 27/10/2022 14:52

It’s defo CF territory.

I’d pay it and then put a message out along the lines of “hi, just transferred it over so should be with you shortly. In future, if there’s anything else you need us to contribute too just let me know in advance, it’s not a lot but these things add up and I’m on a bit of a budget”.

I was thinking of this, but everyone else has said how lovely it is and not questioned it. She’s an ex colleague and I don’t know any of them, so I’m reluctant to make the weekend awkward

OP posts:
Daisychainsx · 27/10/2022 14:58

She said we could just sent monthly installments of £10, and acted as though it was the most normal thing in the world.

I told her no. I said we were spending enough.

In the end I couldn't go as it was like a month after my due date. Thank god.
I'm never agreeing to go on a hen do ever again.