To think this hen party organiser is a CF

[AnnoyedHenAttendee]

Going to a hen weekend next month. There’s the usual costs of activities, drinks, meal, transport, accommodation etc. Also covering the hen’s costs between us. Fine with me, same as every hen do I’ve been on (and I’m old so there’s been quite a few!).

Whats not fine is that the chief bridesmaid has booked an additional spa day for the bride and has asked told us all to contribute £20 as our “share” each. This isn’t part of the hen weekend, it’s happening at a weekend closer to the wedding.

Everyone else has said what a lovely idea it is and has transferred their money 🙄. I’m not keen, I think it would have been polite to at least float the idea first before booking. I’d also never assume everyone has got a spare £20 they don’t need!

If I say I’m not paying I look like I’m being really awkward and they’ve divided the cost up now (apparently), so they’d have to ask everyone else for a bit more. But I’m also bloody annoyed it’s been booked with the assumption that we’ll all cough up.

AIBU to tell her she’s a CF?

If money was that tight that £20 would be life change going then I would not go to the hen do in the first place.

she probably thought it was a nice thing to do for the bride and based on the costs you’re already paying £20 is not that much unless you’re trying to live above your means and keep up appearances.

Yep, I would probably pay as a present for the bride, but I wouldn’t pay if it covers a ‘guest’ too.

My feelings too....pay for bride if have to but not the organiser

I'd be annoyed too. I also had no idea it was tradition to pay for the bride until I went on one a few years ago. I did but an unanticipated spa day contribution would also have irked me, bearing in mind the cost of attending a wedding. For my hen do I went out to dinner with some friends!

Id be mortified if i were that bride

This

Well, I’m broke so an additional £20 cost would be unreasonable to me. If I had the money I wouldn’t mind though.

Just ignore it completely and don't pay. If she comes after you for it say you thought it was just the people who agreed to the gift were contributing. You won't be the only one. She can stump up herself or get a voucher worth for whatever she collects. She will learn a valuable lesson. Not everyone is the maid of honour at these things you are an ex colleague! I wouldn't even go to the hen personally! I usually just reply to hen invitations saying thanks so much for the invitation, I won't be able to join but hope ye have a brilliant time ! Literally only go to then if they are for besties or sisters. Everything else is a NO from me.

What a waste of money! Divorce rate at 42%

I didn't even expect other hens to pay for the bride when I organised hens, I stumped up the cost for the bride and myself. I thinks it's all awful tbh. I'd die of embarrassment if my friends were all chipping in for me for stuff like that.

The hens should be HOSTING their hen weekend, not expecting others to fork out for it. When did things get so upside-down that people who used to be honored guests are now practically indentured servants expected to sacrifice their own wants and needs to exaggeratedly fete someone who's probably already living with (and has kids with) the husband-to-be?

Yeah she's a CF. I'd pay up but try make sure that there won't be any further surprises somehow

@wentworthinmate ha! Totally.

Yea I think this is quite frankly bullshit, too.
Fair enough to all chip in & cover costs when it’s a meal in a restaurant followed by drinks etc after, but all this trend of 2-5 nights away involving flights, hotels, £100’s of pounds & days of your annual leave… sorry, I’m really not ok with funding a mini holiday for someone. I just personally feel it’s grabby and a bit entitled given how extravagant hen/stag dos have become.

If an abroad/long weekend fancy spa hotel hen is what you want, completely fair enough- but self-fund it!

Presumably you’re a close friend or you wouldn’t be invited. It’s only £20 - cough up and don’t be a misery.

Cut down any gift you were going to give her by £20.

I agree with FOTTFSOFTFOASM. Hen parties sound to me like hell on earth.

Is anyone else wondering why the bride needs such a lavish hen party including all of the above AND a spa gift as well?? Surely it should be one or the other?
The utter entitlement of weddings today shocks me.
They have become such gimicky, grabby and thoroughly unpleasant affair and absolutely nothing to do with love and commitment to another person seemingly.

I would pop a message on the group chat and say you wish this was mentioned prior to booking as an additional £20 hasn’t been budgeted for… say while you’ll obviously pay it please do not ask for anymore money as you simply don’t have the funds.
I tend to decline hen do’s for this very reason!…. Last one I excepted to go on became far too expensive and we had to wear stupid costumes each night so was easier to drop out.

😂 yep.
everyone trying to out do other hens…
I always decline and say I’m busy that weekend 😂
I hen do i
arranged myself and it was a pleasant evening of food and dancing then home… something everyone could attend without having to spend a fortune or rearrange their whole life for a whole weekend.

its a lot of money to some people

Very annoying, on my sister's I organised the hotel and spa etc only for a hen at the end to suggest we all pay for my sister's share which I hadn't budgeted for! Hate this, we are not all made of money!

I would pay for the sake of a quiet life but like the idea of taking £20 off your wedding gift spend. I would also post something on the group WhatsApp saying you can’t run to any more surprise expenses after this one.

Threads like this make me so glad that I’ve never been invited to a hen do. I would definitely decline at the outset if I was!

Nailed it 🤷‍♀️

Don’t they just! So entitled!