Page 12 | Mothers of boys -some of you are not helping

tigger1001 · 28/10/2022 09:21

NuNameNuMe · 28/10/2022 07:25

I wouldn't believe everything a teenage boy says in a car, full of his mates. My husband drove our kid and friends to football. The amount of nonsense spouted would fill Wembley stadium.

I agree. I often have teenage boys in my car and the stories they tell about what they do at home are quite tall tales. I know the parents well.

And I also know my own son tells tall tales about how I do everything for him, as again I know his friends parents.

I have two teenagers. Both can do laundry and the eldest can iron - badly, but can do it. My eldest is good in the kitchen too and they know how to hoover and clean the bathroom.

Hagpie · 28/10/2022 18:24

I think the boy mums have come out in force because they feel attacked because a lot of them are raising men just like their husbands. Well-documented, social phenomena is apparently just you being mean OP and no looking inward is needed. NONE! Especially when the statistical exceptions are feeling so hard done by for …. raising young men I would be glad for my daughters to meet one day.

Mothers of boys -some of you are not helping

user1472151176 · 28/10/2022 18:26

I think its more to do with children mimicking what they see. If they see their dad sat on his bum all day whilst their mum does everything they will more than likely grow up to expect the same no matter how many chores they do. This is just my opinion though. I wish I lived in a 50/50 house.

Bib1234 · 28/10/2022 18:35

I think you’re making an incredibly judgmental comment based on one child/family and should get over yourself

threatmatrix · 28/10/2022 18:43

BlueBar · 27/10/2022 12:16

Jesus wept. A pseudo feminist post to take the opportunity to have a swipe at women.

Get a grip love.

rainbowshows · 28/10/2022 19:07

Probably the reason my 40 year old DP of 4 years still lives with his mum.

Mumoffairy · 28/10/2022 19:09

RebOrHon · 27/10/2022 12:15

Ever thought he was winding you up? And you took the bait. Bear in mind you were driving them around at 1 am😕. FWIW my teen DS would have made their own way home after making sure the girls were safely home too; they wouldn't have been phoning me for a lift at that time.

Each to their own, but my children will always be picked up if they need at night.
I could always count on my dad to be there when i called no matter the hour.
Most of my friends have gotten into a car with a drunk driver or had to wait around at stations getting into uncomfortable situations. Its one of the things im most grateful for. That i always knew i had a save ride home.

Dragonella · 28/10/2022 19:17

iamjustwinginglife · 27/10/2022 12:06

I'm sure there are numerous mums to boys who don't treat their sons like little princes and ensure they help out around the house however I'm not sure some mums are helping their boys to grow up in to decent men...and this is why we find Mumsnet full of posts about useless husbands who don't pull their weight at home.

Last night, I had a car full of teenagers all 17 (2 x boys, 2 x girls) and one of the boy's parents had come back from holiday. "It's nice to have them back, I won't need to clean up after myself anymore." Now, they're all good kids, it was just chatter-so I suggested that he carried on cleaning up after himself even though they were back. His reply was "mum likes looking after me, she says it's her job as a mum to make sure she looks after me and gives me everything I want." My child thought that sounded like a great idea-and I bit my tongue to not point out that some mums (me!!) were driving round the countryside at 1am.

This mum works part-time, the children are 17 and 20 and she's obviously got the time to do it but AIBU to think that allowing children to true up thinking they'll be waited in hand and foot isn't really helping them in future life.

My Mum spoilt my son...so it was damn hard to get him to clean his room ..he would only do what he wanted

Miisty · 28/10/2022 19:52

No it doesn’t help not being taught anything at home My husband and his brother were brought up 2lazy boys and did nothing in the house nor did their father barely heat a tin of soup up It makes life so difficult when you work 7nights (11hrs )and come home to pick up dirty clothes Never taught to clean a bath Marriage is meant to be equal but it’s up to both parents to teachthem

XanaduKira · 28/10/2022 20:14

Miisty · 28/10/2022 19:52

No it doesn’t help not being taught anything at home My husband and his brother were brought up 2lazy boys and did nothing in the house nor did their father barely heat a tin of soup up It makes life so difficult when you work 7nights (11hrs )and come home to pick up dirty clothes Never taught to clean a bath Marriage is meant to be equal but it’s up to both parents to teachthem

Or as adults they could now take responsibility for themselves & step up, rather than leaving things to their (from the sounds of it, suffering) spouse.

Mumofsons87 · 28/10/2022 20:32

You do understand that you too are part of the problem that you are complaining about by putting all of the responsibility on the mother of the family.
You have completely missed your own point.

marktayloruk · 28/10/2022 20:39

Whoever thinks chores need doing should do them. Can't say fairer than that !

Mummyto2rugrats · 28/10/2022 20:52

As @SlashBeef (fab name by the way 😂) says its not just boys. My DD is 12 soon to be 13 and DS is 11 will be 12 in April so only 15mth apart so it makes it easier to do this.
Our DC can earn allowance each month by doing chores these chores are making your bed tidy the bath room, keep your bedroom tidy bringing dirty clothes down on Wednesday and Sunday to be washed, putting clothes away, empty dishwasher and put away, reload, clean work tops hoover down stairs mid week and we are just trying to get them to try making 1 meal a week. Their allowance then has a standing order back to us to cover their sim only contract.
I'm a firm believer that theg learn the value of money young, Learn to budget and learn to work for their money.
It's been a hard slog don't get me wrong and will still be I'm sure moving forward but all the jobs are supporting the family unit where both parents work FT and general respect for their own home.
We do get why do we have to non of our friends do, my argument back I really don't care if your friends don't that's their house but they aren't learning that you have to work for a living and your surroundings and clothes don't magically clean themselves.
With this it also means that the many clubs they belong to they get shipped to and from without concern!
Some will say its wrong kids should be kids and they are just with some light responsibility

Abouttimemum · 28/10/2022 20:54

Well my husband does 50% of everything and our son sees that every day. It starts and ends with what children, no matter the sex, see day in and day out about relationships and house ‘jobs’ that belong to everyone.

Firstworldprobs · 28/10/2022 21:08

DuvetHugger · 27/10/2022 12:16

I'm sure the OP means both parents, lets not be pedantic. I have a son and whilst he is only 2, he helps loading the washing machine and hoovering lol

I am determined to make sure he is aware of his responsibilities when he is older and he will be required to do chores if he wants pocket money.

That said, everyone is trying their best

I have two boys.

Can I recommend that you don’t link chores to pocket money. They should do the chores because they need doing, not because there’s a monetary reward. It’s like that spoof article meme:

“Five Reasons Why You Should Help Your Wife with Housework:

Because you live there
Because you live there
Because you live there
Because you live there
Because you fucking live there”

Pocket money is a privilege (not a salary or bribe), that can be removed / docked if necessary for bad behaviour etc. My sons get a modest basic weekly allowance and can earn extra by going over and above, for example washing our cars or their GP’s cars. I will not pay them to do the basic chores they should be doing anyway.

XanaduKira · 28/10/2022 21:11

Totally agree @Firstworldprobs I feel the same about rewarding good grades in school. That's something that's to be expected, not rewarded (as in the hard work and effort should be rewarded, not necessarily the grade as such).

Mummadeze · 28/10/2022 21:15

I am a Mum to a girl and do everything for her. I used to have everything done for me as a child. I think it is a nice aspect of not being grownup to be completely looked after. Plenty of time for the daily grind once you have left home.

LaDamaDeElche · 28/10/2022 21:17

03X · 27/10/2022 12:10

Wtf - maybe change to parents of children?

I never understand this defensive type of comment. We're in 2022 and in the overwhelming majority of relationships women do more of the household chores, more of the drop offs and school pick ups, are called first when a child is sick and needs to come home, sacrifice their careers more, do more of the childcare, do more "home admin" including sorting out birthdays and presents, xmas, Halloween, after school activities etc as they have done since the dawn of time, HOWEVER, they often do all this while working. For many families free time between men and women isn't equal and it's the woman running herself ragged, so yes, these comments are relevant and should be aimed to parents with sons (NOT mothers, but both parents) as it's absolutely ridiculous that boys are still growing up to become men who don't get the concept of equality in this day and age.

Livetoplay · 28/10/2022 21:19

‘I think the boy mums have come out in force because they feel attacked because a lot of them are raising men just like their husbands.’

well, I have a wife and I still think OP is a patronising idiot, talking out her hole…

twinmum2022 · 28/10/2022 21:41

Amazing. I'm surprised you have time to post OP in between polishing all your parent of the year awards.

LaDamaDeElche · 28/10/2022 21:45

Mumofsons87 · 28/10/2022 20:32

You do understand that you too are part of the problem that you are complaining about by putting all of the responsibility on the mother of the family.
You have completely missed your own point.

This!

MyLovelyPen · 28/10/2022 21:51

@Firstworldprobs yep! I have two teenage sons. They are expected to help out with most chores “because they live here”. Dh, their dad, has ALWAYS pulled his weight so they see that too. No financial reward but consequences if they don’t help out - or moan too much about doing it! 😄

Kabbalah · 28/10/2022 22:15

The kids are quite good, they keep the place tidy and clear-up if they cook anything but they don't have chores or clean the house. We have a cleaner for that.

marvellousmaple · 28/10/2022 22:59

FurAndFeathers · 27/10/2022 15:58

But the research shows that in general patents have greater domestic expectations of their daughters than their sons.
being aware of that is a helpful first step to changing it.

Show quote history

I think you might also find that there are expectations of boys too. Look after the girls, step into the fight, kill the spider, earn the money, drive the car, pick me up , be strong, don't cry, help me with this etc etc. But also, be gentle, do half the domestic work, never get angry, understand all of my problems , be home on time , be patient , etc etc. MN seems to forget that those societal beliefs are still very much there for boys. I think they have a much harder ride tbh.

Full disclosure - a mum of 4 boys. Youngest is still in school but the other 3 are 20 something adults living 2 hours away from me very successfully. Happy, two highly educated, one in a trade, lovely friends and girlfriends, earning well . And none of them had done a load of washing before they left home. Looking after your family is something that is ingrained in some people ( like me). It does not mean we raise terrible children. I was always adamant on politeness, kindness, thoughtfulness, following through on things - like if you join a team you stay until the end of the season. I encouraged friendships - hundreds and hundreds of kids will have been to my house , for visits and parties and sleepovers over the years. Friends are a great way to learn and grow. We also always had pets which I think are underrated as a way to show love.

No parent is perfect but I'm happy with how I raised my boys.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 28/10/2022 23:33

I think you might also find that there are expectations of boys too. Look after the girls, step into the fight, kill the spider, earn the money, drive the car, pick me up , be strong, don't cry, help me with this etc etc. But also, be gentle, do half the domestic work, never get angry, understand all of my problems , be home on time , be patient , etc etc. MN seems to forget that those societal beliefs are still very much there for boys. I think they have a much harder ride tbh.

Absolutely this.

I have a sensitive son and honestly you’d think a boy getting easily upset is the crime of the century. The MH of men and boys is still taboo and not taken seriously because of the expectations. Toxic masculinity damages men as much as women