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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

These texts show he's cheating on me. Don't they?

229 replies

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:36

I was on mine and my boyfriends iPad closing down some apps, in the process I've come across some texts between my boyfriend of 18 months and a woman dated last week. It appears he gave his number to this woman on a night out. It was a night where he was meant to come home, but he told me that he got drunk with some friends and didn't make the train.

In the text messages (at 11.30 at night) he asks where she is and she tells him she's in a bar. He tells her he doesn't believe she's in a bar and she texts him saying, 'I am. Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' He then responds, 'You're a saint.'
They then exchange several messages where he is trying to find the bar she is in. He can't find her so eventually gets a taxi to his friends house. She then texts him in the morning saying 'You wanted to stay out ;)' and he responds that 'I know I did! You were hiding from me telling me the wrong bar.'
Then the following day he text her asking how she is, and she replies she has covid, and he takes a test and tells her he is negative. Then the last text he says, 'Let me know when you are back in (our home town) and want to get covid, I'll take you out.' with a kissing face emoji on the end.

Typing all this out. Fuck. I don't know what to do. There isn't an innocent explanation is there. Do I confront him when he is home later? I want to call the woman and find out what actually happened.

OP posts:
Prora · 26/10/2022 01:34

Hi everyone. Very late update. I decided to do lots of probing about the night out situation and his friends over dinner to see if he would admit to anything, even small things like giving her his number, which he didn't. I thought about what I wanted to do next, and I'm someone who really needs the truth, so I decided to snoop on his phone. No regrets about snooping at all, in fact I would encourage people in these situations. I found several women he'd been sexting, including one discussing fantasies involving me and asking this woman when she was coming to his house, sending them photos of his dick and getting photos from them. I feel sick and am in a state of shock. I can't even digest this. I have left him and he's blocked. Before I blocked him he was trying to justify it. I just feel sickened by everything I've found out about him, he's not the man I thought he was.

OP posts:
Jenasaurus · 26/10/2022 01:39

Prora · 26/10/2022 01:34

Hi everyone. Very late update. I decided to do lots of probing about the night out situation and his friends over dinner to see if he would admit to anything, even small things like giving her his number, which he didn't. I thought about what I wanted to do next, and I'm someone who really needs the truth, so I decided to snoop on his phone. No regrets about snooping at all, in fact I would encourage people in these situations. I found several women he'd been sexting, including one discussing fantasies involving me and asking this woman when she was coming to his house, sending them photos of his dick and getting photos from them. I feel sick and am in a state of shock. I can't even digest this. I have left him and he's blocked. Before I blocked him he was trying to justify it. I just feel sickened by everything I've found out about him, he's not the man I thought he was.

I am sorry you had to go through this, but you have done the right thing x

Thisis40x · 26/10/2022 01:40

I'm just so sorry to hear this. I hope you're OK. I know you will be a well of pain but it will pass.

And

What an absolute tosser he is. The grim bastard. You're well rid!

Ruralretreating · 26/10/2022 01:50

I’m so sorry, you’ve done the right thing and will get through it. Sending unmumsnetty hugs for you

SouperNoodle · 26/10/2022 01:51

Well done! There's no changing men like that. He'll just keep sliming his way through life.
You left with your dignity and in time you'll thank your lucky stars that he showed his true colours when he did!

XelaM · 26/10/2022 02:02

Wow OP - you're amazing to have dumped him the same night you made the discoveries! I also absolutely agree with snooping because otherwise cheaters will lie and lie themselves out of anything and try to make you feel paranoid and crazy.

mathanxiety · 26/10/2022 02:25

This is a huge betrayal, @Prora

I hope you have the time to just sit with all of your emotions and let them wash over and through you. If you're anywhere near a beach, I recommend you pack a box of tissues in a bag and head out for a good old cry.

Make sure you tell your friends and accept support they offer.

Hug your children close.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 26/10/2022 05:35

You are a strong woman, you are living by your values, and teaching your children to do the same. You have had one hell of a night, so be gentle on yourself. I wish you a future full of happiness, respect and love.

DoubleBuggyDriver · 26/10/2022 06:07

XelaM · 26/10/2022 02:02

Wow OP - you're amazing to have dumped him the same night you made the discoveries! I also absolutely agree with snooping because otherwise cheaters will lie and lie themselves out of anything and try to make you feel paranoid and crazy.

100%! So sorry you’ve found this out but you’ve done the right thing

Sproutpie · 26/10/2022 06:18

I really admire you. You had your evidence and acted on it. You are truly strong. Well done.

MsDogLady · 26/10/2022 06:19

Before I blocked him he was trying to justify it.

Wow, Prora. His sleaze factor just goes deeper and deeper. He is a massive Player and Liar.

I admire your determination to discover the truth and your definitive action. It’s mind-boggling that he was actually trying to justify his sordid, faithless behavior.

Prora, you’re experiencing a terrible blow. Surround yourself with loved ones who can offer support and care. Consider seeking counseling to help you navigate the grieving process.

Upwiththelark76 · 26/10/2022 06:40

Your strength is admirable. Sorry you have gone through this but we’ll done on kicking the slime Bahri the kerb.

Upwiththelark76 · 26/10/2022 06:40

Slime bag

pictish · 26/10/2022 06:42

Oh man…have a reassuring pat from me. xx

mycatisannoying · 26/10/2022 06:48

Oh, I'm really sorry OP. This must have come as such a shock.
He's 100% a cheat. Circumstances meant that he didn't sleep with her, but the intent/desire was definitely there.
Plus, he took her number and lied to you.
Ditch him.
Flowers

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 26/10/2022 06:59

Prora · 26/10/2022 01:34

Hi everyone. Very late update. I decided to do lots of probing about the night out situation and his friends over dinner to see if he would admit to anything, even small things like giving her his number, which he didn't. I thought about what I wanted to do next, and I'm someone who really needs the truth, so I decided to snoop on his phone. No regrets about snooping at all, in fact I would encourage people in these situations. I found several women he'd been sexting, including one discussing fantasies involving me and asking this woman when she was coming to his house, sending them photos of his dick and getting photos from them. I feel sick and am in a state of shock. I can't even digest this. I have left him and he's blocked. Before I blocked him he was trying to justify it. I just feel sickened by everything I've found out about him, he's not the man I thought he was.

Oh @Prora what a scummy piece of shit. Not much else to say but look after yourself. Once the pain subsides the realisation that you dodged a massive bullet will bring you comfort. Take care 💐

Conkersareback · 26/10/2022 07:12

Bloody hell! What shit was he coming out with when you were going through his phone!

He must've been 💩 💩 himself!

You're well rid!

AutumnCrow · 26/10/2022 07:15

@Prora sorry mate. What a bummer.

When you say you’ve left him (wise move, btw) have you got anywhere for you and your DC to go?

He should be the one who’s inconvenienced.

Zonder · 26/10/2022 07:39

It's good you found out now and not further down the line. What a shit. Well done for sticking to your boundaries.

something2say · 26/10/2022 07:49

So sorry. What a horrible shock. Take care over the next few days and weeks xx

morninginging · 26/10/2022 08:25

Strong.

Well done. Total scumbag.

I know when you find out someone isn't who you think they were it's sometimes easy to start to doubt your own judgement and mistrust everyone too. But it's not your fault. It wouldn't have mattered who you were, this is who he is.

Onwards and upwards. Flowers

TerraNostra · 26/10/2022 08:30

You've left him and he's blocked- but he lives with you? How does that work?

Fushiadreams · 26/10/2022 08:53

TerraNostra · 26/10/2022 08:30

You've left him and he's blocked- but he lives with you? How does that work?

Yes I’m a little confused also

bonnielochs · 26/10/2022 09:03

This reply has been deleted

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FusilliPasta · 26/10/2022 09:05

Oh OP. What a scumbag.

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