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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

These texts show he's cheating on me. Don't they?

229 replies

Prora · 25/10/2022 15:36

I was on mine and my boyfriends iPad closing down some apps, in the process I've come across some texts between my boyfriend of 18 months and a woman dated last week. It appears he gave his number to this woman on a night out. It was a night where he was meant to come home, but he told me that he got drunk with some friends and didn't make the train.

In the text messages (at 11.30 at night) he asks where she is and she tells him she's in a bar. He tells her he doesn't believe she's in a bar and she texts him saying, 'I am. Not sleeping with you or letting you spend the night.' He then responds, 'You're a saint.'
They then exchange several messages where he is trying to find the bar she is in. He can't find her so eventually gets a taxi to his friends house. She then texts him in the morning saying 'You wanted to stay out ;)' and he responds that 'I know I did! You were hiding from me telling me the wrong bar.'
Then the following day he text her asking how she is, and she replies she has covid, and he takes a test and tells her he is negative. Then the last text he says, 'Let me know when you are back in (our home town) and want to get covid, I'll take you out.' with a kissing face emoji on the end.

Typing all this out. Fuck. I don't know what to do. There isn't an innocent explanation is there. Do I confront him when he is home later? I want to call the woman and find out what actually happened.

OP posts:
expat101 · 25/10/2022 21:42

I would send a message back saying Hi I am Prora, Y's partner of x amount of time. You might like to know he was in a relationship with me at the time he was messaging you, and said he was out with friends and got drunk.

Moving forward, whether he is still in a relationship with me depends a lot on what he has to say to me as to why he was messaging you to begin with.. thought you might want to know where his moral compass sits....

RandomMusings7 · 25/10/2022 21:50

@expat101 why?? The other woman doesn't want him. She's been dodging him expertly. Probably could smell the desperation/sleeziness on him. That message sounds slightly accusatory to her and downright pathetic. Nothing to be gained here.

TinyKittenPaw · 25/10/2022 21:50

Weird that he did a covid test as soon as he found out she had it and the emoji sounds like they had at least kissed and talked about sleeping together which she was turning down.

Imagine that she had to refuse to tell him where she was because he was so persistent. I’m so sorry OP.

RandomMusings7 · 25/10/2022 21:55

PinkyFlamingo · 25/10/2022 20:11

I don't understand this kind of person- why be in a relationship at all if you want to shag around. I'm sorry OP.

Cause you want the benefits of a steady live-in partner - free domestic labour, free emotional support, sharing bills... and you get to look like a mature standup guy instead of a pathetic eternal bachelor. Duh

TheChosenTwo · 25/10/2022 21:55

Eurgh. Sorry you had to find out this way BUT at least you did find out.
He sounds a bit grim, chasing a woman about when he had a girlfriend, and like a sex pest.
I wouldn’t bother contacting her, it’s not her responsibility to provide you with any information and I wouldn’t be asking him either, not giving him a chance to try and worm his way out of it.
pack his bags for him, hold your head up and move on. You owe it to yourself not to live with a sleazy jerk.

BigFatLiar · 25/10/2022 21:58

On a shared tablet, not exactly bright is he.

Sandra1984 · 25/10/2022 22:10

expat101 · 25/10/2022 21:42

I would send a message back saying Hi I am Prora, Y's partner of x amount of time. You might like to know he was in a relationship with me at the time he was messaging you, and said he was out with friends and got drunk.

Moving forward, whether he is still in a relationship with me depends a lot on what he has to say to me as to why he was messaging you to begin with.. thought you might want to know where his moral compass sits....

She doesn't care about him, she's not into him, he was some sex pest on a drunken night out in the pub who she luckily managed to dodge. Why pull this woman into your own domestic drama (a lady who has done nothing wrong and who probably doesn't remember him)? If I dodge some random pub guy who turns out to be a sex pest and his girlfriend contacts me later to discuss his "moral compass" I would run away miles thinking there's some crazy couple out there who want to drag me into their drama.

LimeTwists · 25/10/2022 22:11

Hope you’re ok OP. What a horrible shock. He’s an absolute failure of a partner but IMO thank god you found the messages and it’s been made clear as day, rather than not knowing what he’s up to or having niggles but no proof. It means you won’t waste any more time on this loser.

I caught my ex in a similar way and, as shit as it is, when you know the truth about a man’s character - that he’s willing to cheat as easily as this - you can walk away without ever worrying about if you did the right thing. It quite clearly is the right thing to dump him and look for someone better.

Happyunhappy · 25/10/2022 22:14

Hope he's now been dumped OP. Lucky escape for you.

Booklover3 · 25/10/2022 22:18

Hope you are okay OP

LemonDrop22 · 25/10/2022 22:30

Don’t tar them all with the same brush.

I didn't... That's why I wrote "there's often a reason ..." Not "there's always a reason ....".

LemonDrop22 · 25/10/2022 22:32

This dude is actin like he's single when he's out.

Unless you happy with an open relationship (and this type never wants a two way open relationship, only one way), sadly, you have to get rid.

allboysherebutme · 25/10/2022 22:35

His bags would be at the door and locks changed unless it's his flat, in which case my bags would be packed and keys left on the table with the I pad left on the messages. X

Bobbingcat · 25/10/2022 22:35

Hope you’re ok OP x

surreygirl1987 · 25/10/2022 22:35

Whoah!

sborber · 25/10/2022 23:06

Hope you're okay this evening, OP 💐

moistmingemist · 25/10/2022 23:26

Regardless of wether he's slept with her, he's cheating.

Cancersurvivor · 25/10/2022 23:44

You look after your own children and yourself, woman don’t need men.

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 25/10/2022 23:48

Yep definitely. Sorry.

Macaroni1924 · 25/10/2022 23:52

Hope u are ok. Can’t have been easy tonight

JulesCobb · 25/10/2022 23:57

Hope it goes well. His behaviour is awful. He obviously tried to sleep with her.

Guessie · 26/10/2022 00:19

What a cunt. So sorry OP. I would leave. No coming back from this.

sagalooshoe · 26/10/2022 00:48

I actually think you should ring her and let her know what he's up to, she's probably oblivious. These sort of men need calling out every single time they try this. They depend on women being upset and humiliated and not saying anything. We need to say it through a megaphone. Every time. Hope you're ok.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 26/10/2022 00:52

He’s been pestering her and clearly she didn’t want to sleep with him- she knows he’s got a gf .
sounds like he would if he could.
the fact he’s lied and messaged her the next day though- it’s only a matter of time

Guavafish1 · 26/10/2022 00:58

Sounds like a shock... Take your time to digest the information first before you act.

Good luck