Halloween Judgement- keep your views to yourself

[HappyHalloweenWeenies]

I'm not religious and love Halloween. I have always celebrated it and my dp celebrates with me. Nothing too scary or out there because our kids are young. No chainsaw Massacre figures in garden or dripping blood, just the usual pumpkins, ghosts and witches, food and pre agreed trick or treating with neighbours. Our kids love it too for dressing up and have been taught in a fun way and not a 'celebrating evil' way.

Anyway, sil and mil invited themselves down this week. I didn't invite them and made it very clear to dp that as it was half term I would be doing the usual Halloween stuff so kids don't miss out. Dp fine with this and we arranged a few activities like pumpkin picking, carving etc. Sil and mil here the whole week. Both kids going to the village party but no expectation for either mil or sil and kids to attend, just one evening.

Anyway, sil been fine. A few questions about it, nothing phased rudely. Politely declined Halloween party, which we offered with the caveat if it's not her thing that is fine no judgement. Sil is a fairweather Christian, eg church for marriage and getting into schools so we weren't sure if we should ask or not but thought it would be rude not to.

Mil has been making a few snide comments. Kids watching ridiculously sanitised Halloween songs on TV (think cocomelon) and scoffs things like 'how can they have a 'happy halloween' with all those ghoulish characters? Trying to dissuade kids from their own pumpkin designs and do ones she approves of etc. It's all been very low key so I haven't mentioned it to dp but aibu to think that as she knows we have conflicting views and she invited herself down knowing full well we celebrate it she needs to keep her views to herself? It's starting to grate on me as I don't want my kids to start seeing evil in perfectly innocent dressing up etc.

I feel it's a bit like if we invited ourselves down at Christmas and then made snide comments about going to church.

Aibu or is sil approach better and mil is engaging in weird power games?

You obviously can’t stand your mil - when someone is staying with you and starts to annoy you it’s a nightmare! Everything they do grates…

@boobot1 I also don't agree with those who say its a new tacky American import.

I agree - it's not new, it's been going since the 70's as I recall.

I ruddy hate it.

IMO 'Trick or treat' is no more than 'extracting money with menaces'.

I can remember one area I lived in had a load of feral kids that used to bang on your door and want money. If you didn't give any they'd do criminal damage to your front garden or tip your wheelie bins all over the road.

It got so bad that the cops had to put extra patrols on.

Now we are BOFs who put a sign on the front door -

www.getsurrey.co.uk/whats-on/family-kids-news/download-no-trick-treat-poster-8021306

and don't open it until the next day.

The big orange pumpkins sold for carving are horrible to eat- watery and tasteless- no-one needs to justify not eating them. They don't grow them to be eaten. They make terrible soup!

If you want to make pumpkin recipes then you need to buy some nice culinary squashes- like butternut or crown prince squash.

I'm with you OP. Your MIL knew the score and decided to come down anyway. Snide comments are childish. If she doesn't agree with Halloween, visit another time. I don't know why you're getting such a hard time from 2 particular posters. They'd have a point if you were visiting your MIL and still insisting on celebrating Halloween like you normally do, but you're not. You're doing fun stuff with your kids in your own home. It's not even the religion part - there's plenty of things I'm not interested in that my friends/family enjoy and I dont shit all over them because that would make me a dick. Why would you want to ruin someone else's harmless fun just because you don't find it fun. And making snide comments has the potential to ruin it - trying to change plans, what they're decorating and passing negative comments does change the atmosphere, never mind building unnecessary tension that quite easily can lead to an argument all in the name of "oh she's just giving her opinion." An uninvited opinion that clearly isn't necessary- she was told what was happening before she came down. Her and her opinions could have stayed away and visited another week. "Sorry op, can we rearrange, I don't agree with Halloween so wouldn't feel comfortable." - giving your opinion without being a dick!

Why does Halloween seem to be starting a month before the event these days? People have been carving pumpkins and decorating their houses since the beginning of October here. By the 31st the pumpkins will be rotten and not fit to light!

I like Halloween, and welcome trick or treaters but I won't be decorating or giving out treats until the actual night!

I find it strange how people get very set in what they "believe" or don't believe..

I was never quite sure what Halloween was about as a child, I think we had a pumpkin?

Again when dc1 was small I wasn't sure what it was about until a neighbor invited us out.

My mind was blown, it was so exciting and a real chance to interact with neighbors!
It was so much fun and people had put such an effort into their houses.

All gentle stuff, witches, pumpkinseed, broom,bats....all souls Eve and all hallows Eve.
It's the marking of the seasons, autumn, the changes as we descend into winter.
Some of my best times with the children have been walking down a road with beautifully dresses Halloween houses, a gentleman warm wind blowing the leaves around us. Lot's of little children all dressed up running around, the DC recognizing school freinds and shouting out...
It's wonderful.

It's a festival and with anything else to what depth you get onto it or not is up to you.

It’s an interesting one, I don’t think anyone is overly unreasonable here, I don’t think your MIL is forcing anything down your kids throats, it’s not an unexpected opinion for your MIL to have, neither is yours. I suspect this isn’t the first time tensions have been felt around your different belief systems here.

personally I think it would be a great time to discuss different views held - to teach your children tolerance of different beliefs (inc. Those of their own family). It’s never too early to start having those conversations.

Mind you I’m a practicing occultist so tolerance of all religions and philosophies is part of my thing.

I'm not religious and love Halloween. I have always celebrated it and my dp celebrates with me.

What are you both celebrating?

@BasiliskStare @feindVicarInATutu

Samhain is a traditional IRISH Celtic festival which was taken across to America. The Yanks didn’t invent it.

In fairness to MIL/SIL, OP sounds like an "we will have fun now!!!" Halloween-zilla.

MIL/SIL invite themselves- the week before Halloween so presumably not knowing just how full on the Halloween stuff would be, but thinking that as it was half-term, they'd get to spend time with family.

OP's judgement of MIL/SIL are equally as obnoxious if not more so, as their comments about Halloween. The very first sentence plus other comments "teaching" us all about the origins of Halloween/Celts/Samhain etc just show the OP as being somewhat more insufferable than anything the relatives may have said.

Nothing much to see here really except the sheer exhaustion of planning an entire week around it.

I'm not religious, and don't celebrate Halloween. We did things at school when the kids were little as you do, but nothing more. Each to their own.

Soooo… you have adult kids, when they were small Halloween wasn’t what it is now. But you take issue with parents of younger kids carving pumpkins and leaving them outside.
Same thing over and over on here.
Parents whos kids have grown scorning down on what young kids do today due to what is popular amongst all their friends.
If you had a 7 year old, trust me, you would be carving pumpkins with the rest 🤣

Im a practising Christian and don't celebrate Halloween. I hate it. I agree with your sil and mil but i wouldn't have said anything as it's not my business. My own non Christian family judge me for not celebrating it.

You do realise this thread isn't about you don't you? As much as you're trying to make it so. OP has not insisted you do anything.

I think Halloween has become very Americanised in recent years - it wasn't a thing when I was younger - it was more about bonfire night and penny for the guy ! (Showing age!)

Well, I find bonfire night and all the fireworks more offensive. Kids throwing fireworks and people burning effigies of Catholics on the bonfire.

No, @HappyHalloweenWeenies, you are not being ridiculous to celebrate Halloween. And guests should respect the planned celebrations especially if they have been pre-warned. All I can see from your post is that your MIL has sadly opted herself out of October visiting for the foreseeable. For what it’s worth, i think it sounds lovely round your house and I would definitely pop over for some pumpkin pie 🥧

Ignore the poster who appears to be drunk.

This.

If you enjoy it - great ! Fill your boots . But please do t expect everyone to buy into yet another commercial con .

OP literally said she doesn't expect anyone to join in so jog on. You do realise that people spending money is good for the economy, right? and a bit of fun on a gloomy autumn evening is just that?

@feindVicarInATutu Fuck off with your greedy children knocking doors for buckets of sweets - commercial tat and crap . Another excuse to grab grab and grab some more . Teens egging windows and shite when the elderly do t answer the door - chucking fireworks - yeah your gentle little Halloween isn't my experience. Try working in a 999 call centre or being a cop this time of year. It's actually really shite and maybe that's why I don't t like it - but by the same token as your op - do t expect me to partake and don't ram it down my throat . I do not feel obliged at any other time of year to buy bowls of sweets for strangers kids - not Xmas , not Easter , not Ramadan . Have a fab time- dress up , make decorations, waste a zillion pumpkins but ffs leave me alone and don't keep ringing my bloody doorbell for lollies that now cost 3x what they did 2 weeks ago .

Agree 100%

IMO it should be banned. 😬

It's coming to something when shops won't sell eggs or flour on the run-up to Halloween, in case stupid people start chucking them around.

You’re equating your commercial celebrations with religion which is a bit of a piss take. If you want to spend October acting like a kid and buying into all the aspects of a heavily commercialised season go ahead but don’t expect anyone to respect you for it.

MIL/SIL invite themselves- the week before Halloween so presumably not knowing just how full on the Halloween stuff would be, but thinking that as it was half-term, they'd get to spend time with family.

They were warned in advance. They shouldn't have come if they were unhappy with this.

Conversely, if you don't want to join in, don't go to a house where young children are having fun with it and be a party-pooper.

But Halloween wasn't a thing here - as thanksgiving isn't

Fair enough on Thanksgiving but Halloween is a thing here. It's Scottish and Irish and very much part of my cultural
Heritage.

Same old dreary comments every year.

OP - I'm with you.

Think you have missed the point of OP's question. It is celebrated in her house as they enjoy it, she is asking if her MIL's comments are acceptable or if she should say give over and let us enjoy it?

She is not asking about the environmental implications of celebrating the holiday and also that is clearly not MIl's reasons for moaning. She is complaining as she disagrees with it based on religion, something which OP does not really engage with.

Also you are wrong to speak for an entire country when you say 'here.' In some parts of the count Halloween is a big deal. Just like some communities 'here' celebrate religion, or national holidays or saint days when the majority of the country don't. Frankly you could make your point about most of them!

You could start your own thread about the subject as it is derailing OP's actual question.

@HappyHalloweenWeenies please keep using the phrase We eat out Pumpkins in front of your MIL. I must have a dirty mind compared to others but nearly spat out my tea. Those pumpkins sound like they are having an amazing time! 🤣😂

@feindVicarInATutu you live in a really rough area.

Halloween is not like that where I live. You should fuck if and live here.