Halloween Judgement- keep your views to yourself

[HappyHalloweenWeenies]

I'm not religious and love Halloween. I have always celebrated it and my dp celebrates with me. Nothing too scary or out there because our kids are young. No chainsaw Massacre figures in garden or dripping blood, just the usual pumpkins, ghosts and witches, food and pre agreed trick or treating with neighbours. Our kids love it too for dressing up and have been taught in a fun way and not a 'celebrating evil' way.

Anyway, sil and mil invited themselves down this week. I didn't invite them and made it very clear to dp that as it was half term I would be doing the usual Halloween stuff so kids don't miss out. Dp fine with this and we arranged a few activities like pumpkin picking, carving etc. Sil and mil here the whole week. Both kids going to the village party but no expectation for either mil or sil and kids to attend, just one evening.

Anyway, sil been fine. A few questions about it, nothing phased rudely. Politely declined Halloween party, which we offered with the caveat if it's not her thing that is fine no judgement. Sil is a fairweather Christian, eg church for marriage and getting into schools so we weren't sure if we should ask or not but thought it would be rude not to.

Mil has been making a few snide comments. Kids watching ridiculously sanitised Halloween songs on TV (think cocomelon) and scoffs things like 'how can they have a 'happy halloween' with all those ghoulish characters? Trying to dissuade kids from their own pumpkin designs and do ones she approves of etc. It's all been very low key so I haven't mentioned it to dp but aibu to think that as she knows we have conflicting views and she invited herself down knowing full well we celebrate it she needs to keep her views to herself? It's starting to grate on me as I don't want my kids to start seeing evil in perfectly innocent dressing up etc.

I feel it's a bit like if we invited ourselves down at Christmas and then made snide comments about going to church.

Aibu or is sil approach better and mil is engaging in weird power games?

The massive pumpkins the supermarkets / farms sell for carving are really not great for eating. And if they’ve been carved and left to stand for a few days, they’ll be rank!

I've already noticed a few rotting ones already

I live in a very upmarket area but I don't police there - I police the places where the elderly get their windows egged, their hedges set on fire or filled with silly string , their cars egged , the "tricks" aren't funny . It's a nightmare for police - Halloween , bonfire night , mischievous night . I know I'm being a total killjoy - I've no objection to families enjoying it , dressing up and having a bit of fun - just I see too much of the other side to relish it !
I don't do Xmas trees or lights or any other plastic tat , I did once but a tree that was meant to be planted and reused but it died , and I always feel a bit sad when I see Xmas trees sticking g out of bins . I dunno I'm just becoming a grumpy old woman I guess . It's not all good clean fun for the folks trying to get egg and flour off their cars and windows and I don't think people realise what a pain it is for some , same with fireworks- if anything that's worse ! We have one incident created now for all firework incidents because we'd never keep up . Plus I have a scardy little dog (big dog sits outside and doesn't bat an eyelid but he's bombproof!).

I'm not religious, I do t object to anything on those grounds - it's just way bigger than it used to be , Easter is the same I guess . Just quieter . The eggs at Easter are chocolate and not upsetting the old folk . ( of which I appear to be one of !) 😂.

Our "dark nights " campaign has started and it just fills me with dread .

purfectpuss
Why does Halloween seem to be starting a month before the event these days? People have been carving pumpkins and decorating their houses since the beginning of October here. By the 31st the pumpkins will be rotten and not fit to light!

It's possibly the same people who start threads wondering if November is too soon to be putting up their Christmas tree and decorations. They simply cannot wait.

That sounds so hard. I’m sorry that this fundamental difference in how you see Halloween is straining the relationship between you and your in laws.

Ultimately what you choose to expose the children to is your choice as the parents, but it must be hard for your MIL to see her grandchildren exposed to things which she believes are sanitising or celebrating evil. I think it sounds like she’s been quite restrained with her comments so far. It may be that she thought that Halloween was going to be a minor event one night which is more what it was when we were kids, now it seems you can’t get away from it through all of October, every kids programme has a Halloween special and every family attraction is decorated so their are lots of trigger points.

I think your plan for them not to visit at this time of year again sounds reasonable. If you would be genuinely interested in understanding why your mil thinks as she does then perhaps you could ask her? That way she has an opportunity to say what she thinks and you can say that you respect her and her beliefs but that you don’t believe the same as her so in your household you do celebrate it, so if they want to avoid Halloween perhaps you can mutually pick another time for them to visit in future.

I’m Christian and I have to say I hate Halloween for religious reasons but also because I think it’s a rubbish idea to teach your kids to threaten strangers in exchange for sweets/ take sweets from strangers so we do avoid celebrating it. We carve a pumpkin with a non scary image and the kids go to a light party or have a mini party at home and we try to focus on harvest or autumn related activities/ craft but this time of year can be tricky for us as all the places we love to go are transformed.

I hope you can both come to a place where you understand and respect each other.

So literally you have to give in to blackmail. Join in or accept the consequences 😜

A few questions and miscomprehension a.

Firstly, yes I chose the persecution of women by the church because it was on topic. That's obviously not the only problematic thing about Christianity. The most recent one was I was told I deserved the pain of labour because Eve sinned. Not helpful after a traumatic labour. Is that problematic enough or do I need more examples?

At no point have I said others need to celebrate Halloween so all the ranting that you don't like pumpkins etc is bizarre.

I didn't actually invite her, she invited herself. It's actually a really inconvenient time but she did it anyway. I'm not changing my time with my children. Halloween celebrations are in the week because kids are back in school on the 31st. No I am not skipping it or making them miss out because mil has a problem.

She knows full well we do all week because it's half term and she was actually told, so no, ignorance is not an excuse.

I know her reasons. She's misinformed and forms her own ideas based on her ignorance. We are not evil just because we don't follow her god or her ideas. Tolerance means accepting she feels differently not adopting her ideas.

My partner celebrates it because he likes Halloween too and doesn't want our children to miss out like he did. He was raised staunchly Christian and now is an atheist. I am agnostic if you must know.

She knew the score and continues to be snide.

If you want to have a light festival, that's fine. I mean, it's a bit of appropriation because you are stealing from Halloween and diwali whilst not acknowledging them, but you do you.

I thought the whole premise of Christianity was supposed to be not be a dick and judgemental. Some people just need to be better Christians I guess.

I know some wonderful Christians. They are not like this.

They are in your home so ought to respect your traditions or way of doing things. I have no time for passive aggressive behaviour so would actually say to mil that you did inform them you would be doing fun stuff for Halloween. That she doesn't have to participate but you would appreciate it if she didn't interfere with the kids enjoyment.

We are going to a Halloween event on Friday, it's got fairground rides and fireworks, pumpkin carving etc. Then my kids will be going to a Halloween party at our local community centre whilst I'm at work and then they will wear the costumes when other kids knock on our door on the actual day. We might take them guising on our estate. My baby has a little Halloween party at her baby sensory class next week.

I'd be annoyed too. The other option is to grin and bare her and then have a phonecall about it once she has left.

I agree!

what does it matter if you don’t do x or y, or that someone else DOES? The mail was sticking her nose in to be snotty, well fuck that noise!

“mil, you do you… if you don’t like Halloween, don’t come over in the run up”

Oh and the absolute hypocrisy of complaining that Halloween is too long at a week in half term when Christmas songs, films, lights etc last all December and some of November.

The reason Halloween was invented is Christian. The Samhain celebration was Christian washed into the idea that 1 st November, all saints day, is so holy that no evil creature would dare be out so they have to come out the night before.

So mil should have no problem with it then, should she.

Obviously you can dictate your MILs beliefs any more than she can dictate yours. There’s no she should or shouldn’t when it comes to this. The fact is she does have a problem with it as many Christians do. What is essential is that you both come to a place of respecting each other’s beliefs, and that she comes to a place of acceptance that you will bring up your children according to your own beliefs not hers. I hope you manage to help her understand that in a way that shows her some empathy that it must be hard for your children to grow up to reject your most fundamental beliefs.

Sorry I meant *can’t

Love halloween and my kids too. I had a party every year and reused the decorations. Sometimes bought new costumes but also passed them on plus my kids sometimes had hand me down costumes.

It is fun and actually helps bring the community together.

My kids won't be with me this year but I'll decorate the outside of the house and have sweets for the kids.

All christian holidays and celebrations are based on pagan ones. Harvests, fertility, equinox. The Christians made their own celebrations around that time to make the transition easier for the population. Celebrations similar to Halloween preceeded all saints day.

"Firstly, yes I chose the persecution of women by the church because it was on topic."

This is what you said. Too much Halloween punch consumed, perhaps . To be fair you did make me laugh. It's just a bit barking.

OP: Well, thing is, a keep my opinion about the nastier aspects of her religion to myself so think it's only fair she could do the same for our traditions.

OP: Well, on the Halloween topic thousands of innocent women were burned as witches in the name of Christianity, losing us collective knowledge about midwifery etc for centuries."

Come on, OP. Burning people as witches (thus losing valuable midwifery knowledge) is one of the nastier aspects of your mother-in-law's religion that you manage to keep your mouth shut about?

You are leg-pulling now I'm certain! Très amusant

All christian holidays and celebrations are based on pagan ones. Harvests, fertility, equinox. The Christians made their own celebrations around that time to make the transition easier for the population. Celebrations similar to Halloween preceeded all saints day.

Agreed.

@unibrand what exactly do you find amusing about the mass killing of women?
I see you ignored the comment that I deserved the pain of labour.

unibrand what exactly do you find amusing about the mass killing of women?

Disingenuous much, OP. I said no such thing as you know <tuts>
I think you're still leg-pulling, with your witch burning and silliness, so have humoured you by replying.

A lot of people are missing the point here

making snide comments about what other people do in their own homes IS RUDE!!

nobody cares if you don’t like Halloween just have some manners!

What hypocrisy?

Do you think people who think a week long over- hyped festival of tat for Halloween is too long are AOK with months long over - hyped festival of tat for Christmas?

I expect the Venn diagram of the first correlates closely with the second.

Yes I know. Hence referencing Samhain, which I will be celebrating.

Although I don't have cattle to walk between bonfires, it will be me carrying the cat between two lit candles.

@HappyHalloweenWeenies Yes MIL should have no objection.

Math anxiety

Why are you quoting me with something I haven't posted?

Sorry- hula hoop hop is quoting you quoating me or something I'm so Too confused !