Help me settle an argument - sex in the later years

[Peabrain12]

Me and DH are having a debate. I think as you get older sex sort of dries up. I’m perimenopausal I think and my drive isn’t what it was! Plus a few other heath issues and constant disappointment about my expanding waist, means I’m not up for it as much as I was.

DH thinks most men would do it every day if they could.

we started debating and I said I think this is just what happens and I doubt the 60-70 year olds in our life have much sex. After menopause does it slow down a bit?

or does the drive come back when you get older?!

'In your opinion. It’s so annoying when people come out with stuff like this as if the world wasn’t full of people who are different and whose experience is valid. That may be your experience, it’s far from universal.'

It's a chat forum, people of course share their opinions. 'Sex drying up' is certainly not universal either. Its good to hear a variety of experiences, both good and bad.

I think it’s different for everyone. We’re in our 50’s, together 30 years. I’m post menopause and my sex drive dwindled away years ago. It’s definitely not every day or even every week. It’s not a big thing for us anymore. There’s plenty of intimacy and love still. It suits us both really.

I think a good proportion of women find it goes down / up / down through the meno years, sometime it comes back and sometimes it doesn’t, but I think this is influenced by your relationship as well as your biology.

Thank god it’s possible to do something about it with various treatments if you want to, because it does add spice to life. I think making regular time for it helps as well as treatment.

I don’t think many men of 60 have the sex drive they did at 20 - I think your DH is kidding himself there - but it’s more gentle than what can happen in the meno. But then they have ED to cope with of course.

Agree. I’m 50 but if something happened tomorrow I still wouldn’t ever want another relationship, Most friends my age say the same.

😂😂. For some couples there is way more to their marriage than sex!

only if sex is the only thing that holds your marriage together.

Sex and intimacy keeps couples bonded, it is not everything but it is important for a healthy relationship.

I was in a sexless marriage and have had sex sporadically in the last 5 years.
I've been so numb from trauma and stress and had really hoped things would improve.
Am now fairly well into peri menopause and my drive is non existent
I'm gutted.

I should add I'm 46 but feel about 80

I fear I've lost all sensuality and femininity I ever had and I don't know where to go from here

🎉🤸🏻

Here we go again. It’s undoubtedly important for some, possibly most, relationships but it’s perfectly possible to have a healthy relationship without it. It’s really quite sad that you’re unable to see that decades of navigating life together is what creates intimacy.

@Blossomtoes you can minimise it as much but sexless marriages are generally not the happiest ones but you believe what you want!

@Goldencarp a marriage without intimacy is no more than a friendship and probably a miserable one at that.

Intimacy can exist without sex, though.

The pattern from listening to my early 50’s friends is the female could happily live without having sex again and the males are still very keen.
My DH and I don’t fit this picture but don’t do it very often as he finds it hard to relax with our young adults DC in the house. Fortunately we go on holiday each month and make the most of out time together.

We’ve been together a long time and both 57, dh has always been quite consistent but my libido has ebbed and flowed so much. I was rampant from around 50-56, but the last year it’s fallen off a cliff. (I am on HRT) I do speak to DH about it as it worries me, but he’s very reassuring.
We are always cuddling, holding hands and generally tactile, instigated by both of us. I do hope my libido comes back a bit though.

Intimacy can exist without sex, though.

Hear hear!
Plus you can have sex every day of the week, but if it’s not satisfyingly for both parties or if the rest of the day is a dreadful time, then that relationship isn’t happy either!

Do the ladies who have no or very low libido still masturbate?

I see you are trying to be helpful, but 3/4 of your helpful suggestions are about "fixing" the OP. If she's not that into sex right now, that is allowed.

What is meant by libido or sex drive though?

Is that
'I don't mind doing it'
Or
'I'd quite like to do it if he does'
Or
'I'm thinking about having sex frequently and my partner feels the same'

I never know what is meant here.

Sometimes I think the discussion of sex among older women is similar to teenagers sdx claims, at it like rabbits etc. It's different forvdveryonevand all that really matters is are you and your husband happy. I suspect OH would like sex more often but he actually enjoys a cuddle as much if not more.

I would guess not and they probably think they're dh's don't as they are just as happy with a cuddle on the sofa apparently.

It’s not about fixing anyone.

Of course she is allowed to feel the way she does. But feeling “ constantly disappointed “ about your body doesn’t sound like a happy way to live. The reality is that menopause isn’t going to go away and you either have to come to terms with the changes in your body or find ways to alter your waistline , through diet or exercise etc.

But her husband is also allowed to have his own feelings about the sexual side of their marriage too . A big part of relationships is about finding a compromise and both parties looking to see how they can meet each other’s needs in a way that is still true to themselves.

No. Never have and never will

😂. Ok then!