To wonder if I should report parent sitting in car with nursery child.

[wellstopdoingitthen]

I live opposite a primary school. There's a mum who collects her nursery child at 11.30 then sits in the car with her until the older children finish at 3pm. She usually sits there with the engine running which is right next to the playground. I'm not sure if I should do anything or if I'm being a busy body.
I know the little one is in there because I did ask the mum to turn off her engine during the really hot weather. I got an earful because apparently she needed it on because it was hot in the car.
Yabu- keep your nose out
Yanbu- you should notify the school/authorities

For those saying maybe she is scared to go home, don’t you think school should know about that.

If ever police are called to a domestic incident and there are children in the home they are meant to alert their school as soon as possible under Operation Encompass

Is she feeding the child? How is the child going to the bathroom? How are they staying sane in there?
Odd. If its true I'd tell the nursery.

She could be. Or it could be too long a drive.

But why not go to the park or a walk? She needed the air conditioning on so this was obviously in good weather.
Or go to a local library or something in bad weather

It's a toddler, I bet nearly anything it's asleep for the majority of the time. Pick up at 11.30am, perfect time for lunch and a nap, which is what they would probably be doing at home anyway. We don't know if they are strapped in or laying across the back seat. Or, maybe they have a lie flat car seat like we did from birth, because I was very concerned about mine falling asleep in a car seat.

I also don't believe the car is idling everyday, I think it is during heatwaves and when it's very cold. Because OP said she asked and got an earful because of the a/c and OP has been irked enough to post now when the weather has turned cold. I don't think the car has idled all the months in between. If it has report the car for idling. Don't report for a toddler having lunch and a midday nap in a car fgs.

It is not possible to keep a nursery aged child occupied for 3.5hours in a cramped car.

It’s surely not possible to keep the engine running for 3.5 hours every day.

It’s unlikely that the women has not needed the toilet in that time on any occasion.

It’s also highly unlikely that OP has nothing better to do that to stare out a window for 3.5 hours.

What is more likely is that yes this women parks there everyday but they go for walks, to the toilet, for some food etc in between which OP doesn’t see.

I thought the main message over the last few years has been that too many people have been minding their own business and children have been getting no help because of it. You can't move around my kids school or read a letter without "safeguarding is everyone's responsibility" jumping out at you.

In this instance there would be nothing wrong with making the school aware.

How do you know she keeps her engine running all that time?
Unless you actively sit and watch her for all those hours you have no idea
I would mind my business

‘Reporting’ doesn’t mean to say anyone is doing anything wrong. It’s just reporting a potential concern. It is perfectly possible to flag something up with the school’s safeguarding lead without social services jumping on the case. That’s what they’re for - not to blame anyone, but to advise. They’ve done all the training and are better at discerning what is and what isn’t a concern than the average member of the public.

I heard of this happening to someone.. Horrible!
They weren't allowed to be in their 'Bed and breakfast' between certain hours?
I couldn't believe it.
What if someone was ill? What if it was raining or cold?

I do think that they should shut off the engine, though, the sound of a chuntering engine is very irritating, plus very polluting.

Sometimes we do not understand everything about another person's life. It would seem better if she could sometimes take her child to a park or go for a little walk. But what do we know? Maybe the little one is exhausted after Nursery, and they share lunch, and she sleeps. Maybe she has special needs. This time in the car might be some of the happiest times with mummy that the child has. It's just not up to us to judge.
I used to regret having to put my toddler in the car to collect her sisters from school, then take them to piano lessons. I'd drive her home during the lessons, and she'd fall asleep, and I would stay in the car with her until it was time to go back for her sisters. It was a strange life. But later when she started school I used to pick her up and take her to the park with our dog. We'd have a snack and a drink. She said these picnics were one of the things she enjoyed most in her childhood. Swings and roundabouts, I suppose.

How have the school/nursery not noticed a parent sitting there for hours? Or any other parent?
And why do people start a thread and not respond for hours/days?

If you are working from home and sitting near a window it isn't hard to see someone sitting in their vehicle for hours. You also start recognising the vehicles that park in front of you every day.

I would echo the PP who said that "reporting" a concern about a child is not the same as saying anyone is doing anything wrong. It is alerting those in a position to help that someone may need help.

I think you should tell school and nursery. It’s not like social services will swoop in and take the child away based on one report but there may well be other concerns. I agree that we shouldn’t “mind our own business “ too much if we have concerns about a child. There are so many cases where a child could have been saved if people had reported worrying things they saw.

My mum is a child protection social worker and it was quite common for parents who weren’t coping to put their child in a car seat (whether or not in the car) and leave them for hours. Children who are neglected will sometimes get used to sitting still for hours without interaction and tolerate it where a normal toddler wouldn’t.

I genuinely do not believe this. Either OP is mistaken (being kind here) or they are making stuff up for reasons that escape me. Who would sit in a car with a child for hours? There are plenty of ways to keep a child entertained if there is time to fill, especially if you have access to a car and endless resources to keep an engine idling for hours when petrol prices are so high.

Of all tbe threads on Mumsnet, this is the one you call troll on?

I’d raise it with the school. I’d suspect mum hasn’t got anywhere to go eg in b & b accommodation or anywhere safe to go eg abusive partner. Perhaps child sleeps particularly if they are awake late at night (noisy accommodation, shouting/arguments). So nursery, Packed lunch in car and nap. If everything is ok then no harm done but it isn’t normal day after day.

Why did you not ask her what is going on before you report her ?

It sounds completely believable to me. And I worked in the family law/child protection field for years.

When I was WFH in the summer I realized that every morning my neighbours was starting the car ad leaving running for about 10/15 minutes every day.

I can only think it was to cool it down but guess what, as my windows arent soundproof I could hear it every day without needing to do anything at all

Are you trying to be clever or do you have such a long drive that you don't hear traffic?

I would definitely report to the nursery. So is that poor child stuck in that car for over 3 and a half hours? How do they use the toilet? Are they stuck in a car seat the whole time?
If this is true then it's awful and the mother should be getting spoken to and the child should be getting carefully watched over.
Also the OP said the mother was verbally abusive when asked to turn the engine off, which is a worry.

How do you know she keeps her engine running all that time?

We call them ears.

I would absolutely report this to the school as a welfare/safeguarding concern.
All that time in a car - there must be a reason.

All those saying there are ways to entertain a child (walk/library etc) yes if you are well. Mum may be struggling with physical or mentally illness.

I would absolutely report to the school as a welfare concern.

That's horrific to leave a child in a car that long on a daily basis. If she doesn't want to go home, there's parks, libraries... that's beyond weird.