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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if I should report parent sitting in car with nursery child.

337 replies

wellstopdoingitthen · 23/10/2022 22:58

I live opposite a primary school. There's a mum who collects her nursery child at 11.30 then sits in the car with her until the older children finish at 3pm. She usually sits there with the engine running which is right next to the playground. I'm not sure if I should do anything or if I'm being a busy body.
I know the little one is in there because I did ask the mum to turn off her engine during the really hot weather. I got an earful because apparently she needed it on because it was hot in the car.
Yabu- keep your nose out
Yanbu- you should notify the school/authorities

OP posts:
user1471457751 · 23/10/2022 23:24

I would raise it with school as my concern would be she is avoiding an abusive partner at home. There was that advert that ran throughout covid of a woman staying in her car to avoid an abuser. It happens.

MrsJamieDornan · 23/10/2022 23:25

There must be a good reason why she does it. No one sits in a car with a toddler for that long unless the alternative is awful.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 23/10/2022 23:25

She could live in temporary housing and if she had to travel a far distance it would explain why she waits though it does seem odd to not just go sit in a cafe or somewhere else instead. No one knows her circumstances.

GreenTeaPingPong · 23/10/2022 23:27

Maybe the only way she knows to get her child to nap is to have them in the car with the engine running? Seems very bizarre though. Do they eat lunch in the car?

Redkettle · 23/10/2022 23:30

wellstopdoingitthen · 23/10/2022 22:58

I live opposite a primary school. There's a mum who collects her nursery child at 11.30 then sits in the car with her until the older children finish at 3pm. She usually sits there with the engine running which is right next to the playground. I'm not sure if I should do anything or if I'm being a busy body.
I know the little one is in there because I did ask the mum to turn off her engine during the really hot weather. I got an earful because apparently she needed it on because it was hot in the car.
Yabu- keep your nose out
Yanbu- you should notify the school/authorities

How old ifms the child is the child in a car seat the entire time. If so, report

RedWingBoots · 23/10/2022 23:32

Is the younger child in nappies or toilet trained?

Don't they leave the car to sort that out?

Tigofigo · 23/10/2022 23:34

It is against the law to idle your engine and terribly polluting outside a school / on your road. I would definitely be telling her that needs to stop.

If she didn't want to go home there are loads of places she could go - library, free playgroups, shops for a wander, playground. It's neglectful to sit in the car 4 hours a day.

I'd call SS and ask for advice.

ButAmI · 23/10/2022 23:34

Report to the school. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.

NCHammer2022 · 23/10/2022 23:35

I’d report to the school if she’s idling for 3.5 hours. It’s illegal and more to the point it fucks up the air for everyone else.

CatOfTheLand · 23/10/2022 23:38

luckyRhino · 23/10/2022 23:22

Bizarre! Could you invite them into your house now the weathers getting colder?

Why would OP invite a stranger to hang out in her house?

Bubbles222 · 23/10/2022 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It is more common that you think unfortunately

Fruitbatt · 23/10/2022 23:44

Why don’t you ask her if she’s ok?

CheezePleeze · 23/10/2022 23:47

luckyRhino · 23/10/2022 23:22

Bizarre! Could you invite them into your house now the weathers getting colder?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 So Mumsnet!

Let's invite a complete stranger into our home every single day for 3.5 hours and see how that goes!

LuckyLil · 23/10/2022 23:48

Clymene · 23/10/2022 23:00

It's illegal?

Show quote history

What's illegal?

SendHelp999 · 23/10/2022 23:50

Eh? How do you know she sits there for hours unless you watch her for hours?

luckyRhino · 23/10/2022 23:51

There's no harm in asking is there?

PinkButtercups · 23/10/2022 23:52

I wouldn't report it no.
I couldn't imagine anyone wants to sit in the car that long.

I'd be wondering more why she doesn't want to go elsewhere. It's quite sad really for both of them.

Luckingfovely · 23/10/2022 23:57

I find it hard to believe that this is literally true - but if it is, OP, then you need to flag it - to the school at first, then SS, and then the police if necessary.

It's not normal behaviour, and deserves some attention. (Not criticism on a random public forum, but local intervention).

Newcatbrowntail · 23/10/2022 23:58

I knew a woman who did similar, her house was a complete mess and she was severely depressed, eventually the child was taken from her , I don’t think she could cope. I’d report, she probably needs help.

justwondering123456 · 23/10/2022 23:59

But why would she keep the engine running for 3.5 hours? It just doesn't make sense to me.

If this is true, there's a possibility she might have mental health problems.

user1477391263 · 24/10/2022 00:00

I would ask SS to talk to her and find out what's going on. There might be abuse or something odd going on at home.

Unicorn2022 · 24/10/2022 00:00

@LuckyLil engine idling is illegal.

Bedtimeforever · 24/10/2022 00:00

She could be working from home - on her phone, and child could be napping. I really don’t think its an issue. But, in case she can’t go home due to a particular reason etc then yes mention it to the school

toomuchlaundry · 24/10/2022 00:02

I would report as welfare concern

user1477391263 · 24/10/2022 00:02

Eh? How do you know she sits there for hours unless you watch her for hours?

Mumsnet appears to be a parallel universe where the work-from-home revolution never happened.

My home office is too high up to see much at ground level, but yes, if it was at ground level and if someone was sitting in a car for hours and hours every day within view of the window I work next to, I'd notice at some point.